Mat Boggs: Hey, this is Mat Boggs, and today we're going to look at six behaviors that
actually push men away.
The reason this is important is because the flip side of these behaviors are actually
what draw men closer to you.
Sometimes in relationships we don't even know the kinds of things that we're doing that
push people away or actually draw them in, so this is going to shed some light on that
for you.
Check it out.
Behavior number one is playing games.
This is when you're not really being true to your authentic self.
It's like he texts you, text comes in, and you're like, "I could text him back.
But you know what?
I've been told that waiting actually draws more desire or creates desire for him.
I'm going to wait a day."
Or he asked you out and you're not busy, you could hang out, but you tell them you're busy
because you're just trying to create the appearance that you have an amazing life.
Everyone has an authentic meter in them, and we can feel the authenticity meter in each
other.
For example, you and I have an authenticity meter.
And when we're being authentic to who we are, it's right in the center.
It's aligned with who you are.
But when you're trying to be something you're not, it goes to the side, and it's like you're
off centers, you're off balance.
People can actually sense this when you're off balance.
What you want to do is bring it back to center to really be yourself.
Because when you're yourself, he's going to feel that in you and be drawn to you.
Behavior number two is being too aloof.
This is where you don't actually show that you're interested in him.
You don't give him compliments.
You don't tell him you're attracted to him.
You don't get excited when he calls.
It's this because often women will put on this facade of playing hard to get, like I'm
not that interested.
Well, the challenge is men don't invest in relationships where they don't feel like it's
got a shot or a chance.
One of the ways we know, hey, this might actually go somewhere is if you're giving us or showing
us interest.
Now, you don't want that pendulum to swing to the extreme, and we're going to talk about
that in just a moment, but actually showing interest, actually letting him know you're
attracted to him.
Letting him know you're interested in him, letting him know you want him will actually
draw him in.
Behavior number three is the opposite of being too aloof, and that's treating him as if he's
perfect.
I remember one of my best friends was dating this woman.
He really liked her, and they were spending the night together.
He was telling me that they were brushing their teeth about ready to go to bed, and
she stops brushing her teeth.
She looks over at him and she goes, "Oh my gosh, you are perfect."
He said in that moment he wanted to cringe and just run because he knows he's not perfect.
He knows he's got a bunch of flaws.
And if she is saying you are perfect, men take that as if you're putting him on a pedestal
and you've got a false view of him.
And the moment you actually get to know him, the moment you know that he is really flawed,
and he's got a bunch of things that aren't perfect, you're not going to want him.
You're not going to love him anymore.
What's way more powerful is to actually have the vibration of love and acceptance, that
you're in to him but that you're willing to love him for his imperfections, that you're
willing to accept him for who he is in this.
You're not putting him on this false pedestal.
Being loved and accepted for who we are is actually one of the strongest draws and the
strongest forms of connections we can have as human beings.
And behavior number four is an attitude of entitlement.
Nobody likes people who feel entitled.
You don't like people who feel entitled.
And men, we don't like people who feel entitled.
Here's the challenge.
As a man, we know that one of our roles is to provide.
It's been that way for thousands of years.
And whether or not you can provide equally as he can provide, it's hardwired in us that
ability to provide.
Men who have done a successful job at earning money for themselves, they become financially
successful, often, it's very easy for women to take advantage of that situation.
And most men have felt taken advantage of where women expect nice things, expect nice
restaurants, expect to be taken out, and buy me this, and fly me here, and do this for
me.
That attitude of entitlement is incredibly off-putting.
This doesn't mean that you shouldn't want or like nice things or even want him to pay.
I'm of the belief he should be paying.
He should be providing.
He should be taking out, even though you might be making more money than he is.
He should be leading with that.
But here's a very easy, simple way to flip the script and instead of pushing him away
with entitlement draw him in with gratitude.
No matter what level of success we are in our lives, and what I've come to find is the
most successful people in the world are often the ones who are humble, who are often the
ones who are first to say thank you, who are first to live from this state of gratitude.
Wow, I love this.
Thank you for this dinner.
This is so amazing.
Highly successful people, I mean, truly successful people, live from that vibration.
That's one of the things I love about my wife.
I mean, our finances are merged.
And even when I take her out for a date night, I pay.
I pay for the bill, and she'll say, "Thank you so much.
This was amazing."
She shows gratitude in that moment.
I know that she's paying for half the bill.
Our finances are merged.
But just the gratitude is so endearing and it totally draws him in.
And number five.
Now, I know that I'm going to get blowback for this one.
I know that some of you are not going to like this.
You're going to disagree with this one.
But it's absolutely true.
Number five is emasculating behavior.
Now, we first have to define what is emasculating behavior because there's a lot of connotations
out there and concepts for what it is.
Simply put, emasculating behavior is behavior that demonstrates you don't believe he has
what it takes to accomplish the job.
Simply put, you don't believe that he can actually do it.
That's emasculating behavior.
It often shows up as innocent suggestions.
It often shows up as you trying to help or step in because you actually know how to do
the thing better and you can show them how to do it more efficiently and with a better
outcome.
But the challenge is, men, we have this deep wired need to provide and for the ability
to figure this out.
So you got to ask yourself, is it worth getting the job done faster?
Is that benefit worth the disconnect that you create with emasculating behavior?
I'll just give you an example.
I've shared this in another video because it's so clean.
It's such a clear example.
I'm cutting an onion, helping my wife with dinner.
She asked me, "Will you cut this onion?"
So I'm cutting this onion.
She comes over, and she goes, "Honey, you're not cutting the onion in the right way.
You got to turn it like this and cut it like this."
Now, I would have gotten to the same outcome at the end of the day with that onion.
I would've diced it into tiny little pieces.
But her coming over and saying, "You're not cutting it the right way," instantly I felt
this wall come up.
Yes, I know she's better at cutting onions.
Yes, I know she's a better cook.
But what that communicates, even in a underlying way, is that she actually doesn't believe
that I can do it and that I actually didn't provide the job she wanted.
Or let's say that your husband isn't as handy around the house and he's fixing the toilet
or the little drain plug that's in the stopper.
The water's leaking down there, and he's trying to figure it out.
And you know how to do it, and you can do it faster.
In that moment, you've got to decide, am I going to say, "Honey, you're not doing this
right.
Step aside.
Let me do this," which is emasculating behavior, or let him figure it out?
I know that it might be tempting to want to step in, but the bond that you form by letting
him actually do the job is incredible, especially if you let him figure it out and then celebrate
him for a job well done.
It is momentous for men.
On the flip side of that, the cost of the emasculating behavior degradates the connection
in the relationship.
So here's kind of the rule of thumb.
If he's not going to hurt himself and he's not going to hurt anyone else, let him figure
it out.
Let him proceed.
And if you really do want to make a suggestion, here's a couple, or make a correction, here's
a couple of phrases that you can use is, "Hey, honey, can I make a suggestion?" or, "Are
you open to some feedback?"
Because that question, that lead-in, if he says yes, then he's open to it and he receives
it much, much better and more effectively.
So number five, emasculating behavior.
Actually letting him do the job creates an even stronger connection with him.
Number six is called the instant relationship.
When you're dating someone, it's really easy to fall into the pattern of just trying to
get him to like you before you even know if you actually like him or not.
I see that pattern happen a lot, and that kind of pattern where he can feel that you're
just trying to get him to like you before you've even decided if you like him or want
a long-term relationship.
You've sort of just assumed I want this instant relationship.
That is actually repelling to men because men want to feel chosen.
Men want to feel selected, selected above all the other options you have.
All the other amazing men that you could choose out of all of them, you're choosing him.
Every human being, that's a very, very powerful feeling to feel chosen.
Isn't it?
When he says, "I want you.
Out of all these other people, you matter to me.
You're important to me.
You're beautiful.
You're amazing.
And I think you will be the amazing person in my life.
We can have an amazing relationship together."
Well, he wants to feel that same way.
So when you get into a relationship and just try to get him to like you, that communicates,
wow, she's willing to have this instant relationship with me.
There's something called the commitment connection factor.
Here's what it means.
When the connection is leading the commitment, these two factors are joined by an energetic
cord, if you will.
And when you're deepening the connection, it actually pulls the commitment forward.
It's like if a guy goes on a first date with you and he pulls out an engagement ring and
then proposes, you'd be like, "No," and you would think he would be crazy and you wouldn't
want to date him again.
Why?
Well, it's simply because you don't have the connection with him.
You date that same guy for a year, have an amazing connection with him, and a year later
he gets on his knee and proposes to you, now you're in tears.
You're happy.
You hug him.
You say, "Yes, this is amazing."
Why?
Because you have a deep, profound connection with him.
So when the connection actually is outpacing the commitment, it draws the relationship
forward.
However, when the commitment gets out in front of the connection, that's when that cord breaks
and the connection actually drops.
So when a woman says gives the impression that she's like, "I want to be committed.
I want to have kids right away.
I want to get married right away.
I want ... " When he feels that rush of commitment, it can absolutely kill the connection.
So let the connection lead.
Let the connection deepen, and that will naturally draw the commitment forward for the both of
you.
So my question for you is, what behaviors do men do that actually push you away?
This is very, very valuable for men to hear this so that they can know what behaviors
you want them to do that actually draw him closer to you.
So go ahead and post that in the comment section below.
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