[Serious] Those of you who have waited until marriage to have sex, what was it like and do you regret waiting?
Just got married about 6 weeks ago, and my wife and I were both virgins.
We had kissed/made out with past relationships and each other, but never further than that.
Honestly, the sex is great!
The first time we had to take it slow and it was a little awkward as we both had to figure out how to make it work well for both of us.
It's just been getting better every time and I don't regret it at all.
There's a special intimacy you feel in knowing that she's the only one I've ever had sex with and vice-versa, and the shared experience of "figuring out" sex is something special that we share.
I have a good number of friends who also have all waited until marriage for sex, and none of them have been "sexually incompatible" as people often cite as a reason for not waiting.
The truth is, if you both are open, honest, and selfless with your approach to sex, there's really nothing to be worried about.
Sure, some people have issues/emotional baggage, but it's not impossible to work through that stuff, and if you really love the person, you'll want to help work through that with them anyway.
The bottom line is that if you're both selfless in marriage, things will work out just fine.
Throwaway for obvious reasons.
We had known each other for ~8 years before we got married and consummated our relationship.
Like many of the responses here, we were both virgins when we had sex the first time, but not due to religious reasons or anything, we just met when we were rather young.
I was all for having sex before marriage, but she wanted to make it something special, 'save something' for when we were married.
It was excruciatingly hard for me, but I respected her wishes.
Never during this time I thought of 'straying' and getting anything on the side, I just couldn't do that.
Our wedding night was amazing and finally we were both ready,
but she was 'too tired.'
Fair enough, weddings are really long and I was pretty exhausted too.
The next night though, I was so excited, finally, FINALLY, I could have sex with the woman I loved... and it was rather underwhelming.
That's okay too, I've heard everywhere that everyone's first time isn't great, to be honest none of us really knew what we were doing, but there's fun in the discovery, right?
I just knew this could be something we could both really enjoy doing together, and getting better at... but it didn't really work out that way.
Turns out we are woefully sexually incompatible.
She is happy with having sex once a month, or less.
She never instigates...
foreplay is even hard with her because it doesn't seem like she responds to anything.
We've tried talking about it, going to counselors, I even asked her if something happened to her in the past that would make her not desire sex as much as I do and she swears that isn't the case.
The conclusion that's overwhelmingly reached is that her libido is just much, much lower than mine... that's probably why it was much easier for her to wait.
It should have been a red flag but of course I wasn't thinking about that at the time.
I love her, I really do, but I don't know how much more of this I can take... we've only been married two years but I know exactly how many times we've had
sex because, honestly, it's not a high number.
It is a major problem in our relationship.
I want to be intimate (not just with sex, but caressing, kisses, etc.)
but she has shied away from even kissing me because she thinks that I only do that when I 'want something more' even though I've told her that's not always the case... but honestly it's hard not to want something when it's been three weeks and I've gotten zero action.
Plus she gets upset when I watch porn...
I just don't know what else to do.
I hate myself for it but I've considered cheating just to fulfill this desire.
I've never done it because I don't want to hurt her that way but so many denials just does something to a man...
and it's not like I'm ugly or anything, I work out and my body hasn't changed much since she met me, I can honestly say I'm the same weight as when we met.
She says I look fine, but always, always, she'd 'not in the mood.'
I just don't know what to do and it's tearing me apart.
I don't want to leave her, but I don't think I can live like this.
So I'm sorry that this isn't like all the happy stories that have been posted, but here's a warning to all of you who want to wait... make sure your partner will want you as much as you want her (or him), otherwise it could cause a large rift down the road.
Best of luck.
EDIT: Wow, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for all the support and kinds words.
It really means a lot to me, probably more than you know.
I am reading through all of the responses and you have all given me so much good advice and hope.
I will follow all your suggestions and I really hope we can get through this together.
Thank you so much.
I posted it pretty late and I thought it would get buried but I hate when people start with "this will probably get buried, but..." so I didn't do that even though I thought it.
When I was writing this, I was at home alone because my wife had to work late and when that happens I know that night has
an even worse chance of anything happening...
I was venting a little bit and I really didn't expect this response to blow up like this, but I am so glad that it did... thank you again.
When I wrote it before I was in a pretty bad mood but you have all helped lift me out of it.
on Friday I am going to take my wife out for a nice dinner and afterwards we are going to talk about it and I will take all of your good advice.
Wish me luck, Reddit!
(and before you ask I'm 99.9999% sure she's not cheating, she actually has to work late some days).
EDIT AGAIN: Hey all, I was going to reply to every response but
I can't believe it, there's just so many.
I want to get around to it someday but I can't really be looking at this when my wife is home haha (and I can't reddit at my job sadly) so I have limited time to read and reply but I just wanted to thank everyone again and reiterate that I WILL read EVERY comment even though I probably can't reply to everyone.
Thank you all so much.
Very good question.
Short answer, it was awkward yet absolutely wonderful.
We look back on our first time and laugh about it, because it was weird, but it was an intimate moment that we will remember forever.
Do I regret waiting?
Absolutely not.
I waited with my wife, but when I was in college, I was in a lot of purely physical relationships.
The kind where you hook up maybe once or twice, decide the sex is good, and then start dating.
With my wife, the sex wasn't going to happen without a serious commitment, so I had to get to know her as a person before
hand.
I like the person that she is, and that's why we got married.
The best part about waiting until marriage is the fact that you don't need to worry about messing up or under performing in bed.
Came early?
That's ok. You've got the rest of your lives to work on that.
Don't know how to pleasure your wife orally?
It's ok.
Oral sex is like learning an instrument, and if you practice everyday, you'll be a master.
An important part for me was being reassured in my body
image.
A girlfriend might leave me if she finds a "more ripped dude" but my wife is with me forever, and she loves my wiry, slightly scarred, body... including my patchy chest hair.
And that is what truly allows me to be free in the bedroom.
IMHO, totally worth it.
husband & i were both virgins before we got married.
what was the first time like?
probably everything you would imagine.
quick, painful, fun- basically all the feels.
but it is so fun experiencing all the "new" things together and knowing it is something that we have shared with no one else but each other.
there is something to be said about finding one person you fully commit yourself to.
our whole wedding day was complete bliss: from saying our vows, to our first dance and heading back to the hotel in the limo...it was all a very surreal feeling.
physically, emotionally, sexually we got 100 percent of each other.
to sum it all up in words would be very difficult to do.
so yes, completely
worth it in my opinion.
he is my ride or die.
also, as a completely insecure person i am so glad i don't ever have to worry about being compared to someone else.
i am also glad i never shared it with any of my dickhole boyfriends.
they really were the worst.
My ex wife and I were virgins when we got married, I do have regrets.
Sexually we just weren't on the same wave length and it added a lot of stress to the marriage.
If I ever get married again there will be lots of sex and a long period of cohabitation before hand.
Edited following the disappearance of Reddit's Security Canary in 2016.
Absolutely regret - so much of life and opportunities to share it wasted by "waiting".
May your day be filled with joy and happiness.
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