In this video, we're going to talk about how to build trust in relationships.
Trust can be a controversial issue and it's one that I hope in this video we're
approaching with some thought and some reflection. So, let's get into the details.
Hello there and welcome back friends. If this is the first time that you're
tuning into Communication Coach, this channel is here to help people that are
probably like you, rising leaders, emerging leaders in professional
settings and all the videos here are to help you improve your leadership skills
so that you can help bring out the best in the people around you. And today, we're
talking about how to build trust in relationships. Trust is really important.
When you have good positive trusting relationships, it makes everything else
easier. It's really important to take this concept seriously. Now I want to get
a few qualifications out of the way right away. The first one is that nobody
owes you trust. They don't, in the first place when they meet you, you should not
assume that they need to trust you in some way because they owe it to you.
That's just not the way trust works. Trust is earned over time and with
patience and with effort. It's not automatic and for that reason I also
want to say and just get this right out of the way, you're not going to learn any
tricks in this video. I don't believe that trust is something that you should
try to quickly get people to do for you because to me there's a warning sign
there. In fact, I don't recommend ever saying things like you have to trust me
or what's the matter why don't you trust me or well you got to believe me what's
the problem here. Sometimes, it'll come out authentically and I get it. But you
should not use those as a way to get people to trust you because to me it
sounds like manipulation. It sounds like a way to control the situation and use
guilt to get what you want. And that's just not the kind of
leadership or even personal development kind of advice that I would ever give to
anybody. Having said all those things, let's get into the actual advice that I
would like to give. The first is that you have to have a good character. In other
words, if you want people to trust you, you have to be trustworthy. Good
character means that you are an honest person. You tell the truth. You're looking
out for other people's interests, not just your own.
The famous coach John Wooden said the truest test of a man's character is what
he does when no one is watching. So you are who you are when no one is watching.
That's a paraphrase of that sentiment. Do you try to get away with little things
when no one's watching? Do you gossip a little bit here and there when you think
you can get away with it? Do you stretch the truth a little bit? In fact, I want to
do a gut check here in terms of your character. Two tests for me personally
that I do on myself. Two gut check test do I have good character in this situation?
And the first one is, do I exaggerate to try to get what I want?
Do I make something seem a little bit better or even a little bit worse
depending upon what I'm looking for, to get what I want? Do I exaggerate? And
another gut check for me, and I'd like you to do these gut checks for yourself,
is, do I take responsibility for the little errors and mistakes that I make? I
think that's another good indication if something little goes wrong, do I accept
responsibility that I was the one who caused that and then I tried to fix it
the best I can? Or do I try to smooth it over and make
it seem like it wasn't my fault, point the finger, blame. If we can't be
responsible with the small things, then why should we expect people to trust us,
especially trust us with the big things? So character, having good trustworthy
character is a number-one principle on the road to building trust in
relationships. Number two. Consistency. People like it when they can predict
other people's behavior to some degree. Now I'm not talking about, awe, your so
predictable. You always take me to the same restaurant every week. I'm not
talking about that kind of predictability. In other words, are you
consistent in that you say you're gonna do something and then you follow through?
Are you a reliable person so that you show up on time when people need you
there? How is your consistency? There's it's a really big
issue because as you develop consistency as a habit, other people will learn that
they can count on you. So let's do a little gut check on this. Do you show up
on time when you say you're gonna be there? Do you make your deadlines when
you commit to a deadline. I think showing up on time and deadlines are a huge
indicator over your broader ability to show consistency. those are really two
important ways to gut check it. Principle number three, authenticity.
Are you relatively open about who you are in the workplace, let's say, with
other people? I'm not saying, by the way, that you have to tell people
everything about you and all your dirty secrets. In fact, I don't recommend that
because you have to get to know other people around you as well you don't want
to get too personal too quickly but do they get a sense for who you are and
what you're all about because if we're only in a role if we're
only playing a professional role for example then people don't feel like they
know us. And if they don't feel like they know us, they're not going to really
trust us over time. People want to get to know a well-rounded version of who we
are and that requires a bit of transparency. Another way to be open is
the issue on the issue of transparency is that when you're in an interaction
and the meeting talking to people, for example, are you being open about what
you're trying to accomplish or you do or do you have a lot of weird hidden
agendas that are simultaneously functioning like are you playing lots of
politics to play some strategy game in the room when you're talking? If you
do people will begin to sense that you've got a few goals in mind that
maybe you're not being open with and there's a hidden agenda. And you want to
be open and transparent about that so on two counts. You want to be open
transparent as a person, relatively speaking. And you certainly want to be open and
transparent about what you're trying to accomplish in the moment. So that's tip
number three. Moving on to tip number four. Be a giver, not a taker. When you
go into a situation, is your first tendency to think about how you can add
value to the people that you're interacting
with? Or, is your first tendency to try to get something from them? That's a little
gut check. When I walk into a situation, ask yourself this question. Do I look to
give something and be a blessing to those people or am I looking for what I
get out of the situation? I know somebody, for example, and you probably know people
like this too, who every time they talk to me, I can tell they're trying to get
something from me. They want something and they're looking for a way to get me
to commit to something that benefits them. I don't think I've ever been in a
situation that I can remember with this person [where they have] looked for a way to help
me and give me something, so to speak. Now, I'm not talking about material objects
but it even in the friendship and what they're giving to the interaction. Are they
trying to get something from you or they trying to give something to you. You want
to make sure you're a giver, not a taker. And if you follow these four principles
or four tips, if you will, you will begin to develop trust in your relationships.
And on that subject, I would like to ask you which of these four principles
resonates with you the most? Which one do you think helps you move forward in your
thinking and how you're relating to other people the most? I would love to
hear your comments in that section below the video. And while we're on this topic
of building relationships, I would like to invite you to download a free PDF
resource that I have created it covers the five essential professional
[communication] skills that I believe that all professionals should be putting into
practice. They focus almost entirely on communication and that's completely free.
I will put that in the description below video and I'll also pin it in the first
comment in the comments section below the video. So as you're making your own
comments below there, notice that there's that free resource that you can download
and you enter your email and then I email you that resource. So thanks for
tuning in. God bless and I will see you in the next video.