oh hello i know right whose balls did i have to fondle to get my very own movie
i can't tell you but it does rhyme with pulverine
love is a beautiful thing when you find it the whole world tastes like daffodil daydream
so you gotta hold on to love tight and never let go don't make the same mistakes i did
got it yeah or else the whole world tastes like mama june after hot yoga i don't speak cantonese
mr well i'm not even going to attempt that but i did take eighth grade spanish so donde
esta la biblioteca which literally translates to i don't bargain pumpkin
i'll take a cranberry grapefruit vodka i know it's called a sea breeze don't make me say it
i've never said this but don't swallow
did i leave the stove on you're a lot smarter than i look i'm gonna go make dessert you get
the strap on let's make a super baby pretty sure it doesn't work that way but we can try
wait you may be wondering why the red suit well that's so bad guys can't see me bleed
this guy's got the right idea he wore the brown pants
wait wait don't try to chase me not ready to be touched again all these elderly white men on the
walls should have brought my rape whistle those were already damaged after they fell there i'm
sorry what you were ready that's a terrible idea and it's going to end badly you want to
know how i know i'll give you a hint it's on my head and smells like patrick stewart
oh okay wow dodge the big time bullet on that one not out of the woods yet you need
to seriously ease up on the bedazzling they're jeans not a chandelier yes i'm keeping your
wallet you did kind of give it to me okay just look man can i make sam's i will shoot your
i cat don't really know what that means i don't have a cat then whose kitty litter did i just
leave a book in her general direction again and you will learn in the worst of ways
that i have some hard spots too that came out wrong or did it
fun fact about the icebox though no one's ever seen it
they keep a monster in the basement right next to a huge steaming bowl of foreshadowing i
didn't even know sleep it was pretty much 24 7 bulk eggs brownie mix and clown porn
my name's cable from the future just walk away oh
so you're from the future i have three questions then one is dubstep still a thing two which
sharknado are we on and three at what point do audiences say enough with the robotic arms
dumpsters you're so dark are you sure you're not from the dc universe
is that a fanny pack i used to have one of those in 1990 never
wade wilson
well hello gorgeous yeah like i got bit by a radioactive sharpay
now i'm about to do to you what limp biscuit did to music in the late 90s
dad meets bedlam cool name super powers i can distort electrical fields including the one
inside your brain causing anxiety confusion pain so basically you're dave matthews we can use him
i'm a zeitgeist cool i like you so you have the power to
put your finger on the the pulse of society no no i spit acidic moment oh do you want
me to demonstrate no no yeah listen we've all eaten at arby's you're chosen by a higher power
did he just call himself god i think he did i'd like to go home and i'd like the mcgriff
to be available year-round but sometimes dreams don't come true besides nobody's getting hurt
that guy was already up there when i got here give me your best shot one-eyed willy
oh
canada that's not good wait please [ __ ] shot oh your poor wife you really should stop
all the dinosaurs feared the t-rex you ever hear the one-legged man in the ass kicking contest
do you have off switch yeah it's right next to the prostate or is that the on swing
russell russell you're okay oh thank oh my god juggernaut
i thought that was you i should have worn my white pants
oh my god oh my god i can't feel my legs i'm catching hell no they're right here
this is a promise you'll do right by me so i can do right by someone else
of course and please don't make the super suit green or animated
nice to see you jared i'll take a foot long fully loaded a warrior has nothing to be ashamed of
how but you do i mean look at you you're just straight shirt cocking it
toddler style oh yeah full winnie the pooh you remind me of my wife i'm sorry i said you're
reminded no i'm sorry that you said that while making heavy eye contact and applying lip balm
when it comes time to licking wounds there's no place like home ah and i share that home with
someone you've met the old blind lady from the laundromat al god i miss cocaine her
fourth wall break inside a fourth wall break that's like 16 walls hashtag drive back
if you could see me you'd understand looks on everything looks are
everything ever heard david beckham speak it's like he mouth sex to can of helium
think ryan reynolds got this far on his superior acting method
if i never see you again i want you to know that i love you very much and also um it's about 116
kilos of cocaine buried somewhere in the apartment right next to the cure for blindness good luck
i want to take him back you trusted me i took that trust and turned it into
a glory hole in an airport bathroom one in minneapolis you know the one
i'm gonna wait out here okay it's a big house it's funny that i only ever see two
of you it's almost like the studio couldn't afford another x-men welcome deadpool boy
time to make the chimney changes
hear the music i'm a wolf in sheep clothing
oh tell me they got that in slow motion i don't know how to thank you but i do know how to hug
you no yes here we go bring it in come on elvis to pelvis let's go tip to tip there we go the
kids call this docking is there a knife in my dick there's a knife in your deck yeah
i don't need to go full gentle pretend like that never happened hey you grow back body
parts now wade when i'm finished i'll still have to grow back here good one yep that's a good one
you're welcome canada
you