An orphan is commonly understood
as a child who has lost their parents to death,
whose parents are unknown,
or whose parents have permanently abandoned them.
Essentially orphanhood is a state
in which a child lacks parents
and lacks family
and therefore lacks some,
many or potentially all of the needs
that are commonly found through family.
But what many people don't know
is that orphanhood exists on a scale.
And that it is actually possible
to experience a kind of orphanhood
where one is alienated from and disowned emotionally
within a family unit.
Therefore it is possible to be an orphan within a family.
The Orphan Complex
Keep in mind that abandonment...
Lack can exist on many levels.
Many children who are identified with orphans in popular media
such as Cinderella or Annie
or Oliver Twist
are in fact experiencing this condition.
The scapegoat or black sheep in a family
always experiences some degree of orphanhood.
What the scapegoat essentially is,
is the person within a family system
who becomes the carrier
of the problems
of the rest of that family system.
So, the other members in that family
project the issue onto that "black sheep"
or onto that "scapegoat" within a family,
and therefore reject, deny and disown that person.
Therefore the scapegoat technically remains in the family,
however, the scapegoat has actually been orphaned within the family.
To learn about scapegoats you can watch my video titled:
How To Stop Being A Scapegoat and Stop Being Scapegoated
When a person is disowned or orphaned within a family,
the family itself becomes a kind of active gaslight.
To gaslight somebody is to sow seeds of doubt
relative to their own perception
or relative to their own reality,
sense of what is real.
Things like memory, judgment, perception and feelings.
It is to try to convince somebody that what they see they didn't see,
what they hear they didn't hear,
what they feel they shouldn't be feeling,
there's no reason to be feeling that way.
As it applies to orphanhood within a family,
the gaslight is that when a child
is in a family system in this type of dynamic,
the child is emotionally disowned and alienated.
The child feels emptiness, aloneness, neglect, rejection,
lack of containment,
lack of protection and no support.
But on the surface, they have a roof over their heads,
they have food,
their parents may say the words: " I love you",
they're included in family photos,
there may be other people in the room with them.
So, like all good gaslighting,
the child begins to tell the story that they're crazy
and that something must be wrong with them.
In other words, there's a huge discrepancy
between how the situation looks on the surface,
and the reality of the situation,
especially on an emotional level.
If you'd like to understand more about gaslighting and depth,
watch my video titled:
Gaslighting (What Is Gaslighting and How To Heal From It)
When a child suffers from an experience of orphanhood within a family,
another thing that acts as a gaslight
is that they are experiencing the result of trauma,
but when they look back at their childhood
they don't see trauma.
Because this type of dynamic within a family
is about what you don't see,
it's about what isn't there, instead of what is there.
For example:
An experience where you were molested,
is something that is there.
Belonging that was never given, is something that isn't there.
So, when you're looking back at your past
wondering why you're acting like somebody who's been traumatized
relationally...
You just can't tangibly see anything.
This type of trauma is commonly called emotional neglect.
Emotional neglect is always, without exception,
an element of orphanhood within a family.
For this reason, if you want to understand this dynamic in depth,
it may benefit you to watch my video titled:
Today's Great Epidemic & How To Cure It
In our past, if we experienced trauma
as a result of one or many of our needs not being met,
chances are in our adult life that same need is also not getting met.
So, we're sitting here with this gaping hole inside,
this kind of emptiness.
This need not being met
is actually a traumatic imprint
that is unresolved.
And that imprint must be resolved
for us to move forward in our adult life
and to meet those needs that were not met within the family.
For example, say you were wounded as a child
because you felt no sense of belonging with your family.
That lack of belonging is the traumatic imprint.
The good news is
that if you have suffered from this dynamic within your family,
you're not doomed to a life of emptiness
where none of your needs will ever be met.
In fact, there is a way to resolve it.
I've created a process which helps to resolve traumatic imprints,
to resolve these traumatic experiences,
in your case,
relative to lack.
It's called: The Completion Process
You can learn about this process by picking up a copy of my book
That is quite literally titled: The Completion Process
But alternatively, if you're not a big reader
or you want somebody to lead you through this process,
you can go to: www.completionprocess.com
and find one of my certified practitioners to lead you through the process instead.
The other thing you need to do
is to actually accept
that your family did alienate and emotionally disown you.
What this means is that whether or not
you choose to keep your blood relatives in your life or not,
you still need to find family
and you need to meet those needs that are commonly met through family.
Family is a group of people who are related either by blood
being descended from the same ancestry or by affinity,
being marriage or adoption.
The affinity piece
is the thing that should cause you to light up with hope,
because it implies that one can choose who to consider family.
It implies that even though the government itself
legally recognizes relationships that are legitimized and legalized in some way,
such as legal marriage or legal adoption,
in reality family has much more to do with who a person considers to be kin,
or who they feel belonging with
regardless of whether they are blood related or not,
and regardless of whether they live under the same roof or not.
This means you need to find and you need to choose your family.
~ Laughter ~ That should be good news.
Here's why this is good news:
You're an adult now,
now the reality is that as a child
you are essentially captive
within the family that you are born into.
We don't usually like to think of children as captives,
but that's the reality, right?
A child has to "belong" to someone.
They are the legal "property" of someone.
So if a kid runs away from home,
all that's going to happen is they're dragged right back home,
and if the family is abusing the kid,
rarely the government takes them away,
but then the government owns the kid, right?
So, a child is a captive whose experience really depends upon the benevolence
of those captors.
I realize it's a harsh way of looking at it,
but you have to understand that as a child you are limited
in ways you are not limited as an adult.
Now that you're an adult,
you have so many more resources to pick from,
so many less limitations,
you can meet so many more people.
What you are looking for is the people and places
where those needs associated with being positively owned
and belonging with a family, can be met.
For this reason, it may benefit you to watch two of my videos.
The first is:
Family (The Truth About Family)
And the second is:
Own People! (How To Take Positive Ownership Of Your Relationships)
When you are born into the current structure of society,
it often feels as if your belonging within the greater society
is really dependent upon your belonging within a family.
So it's almost like belonging within the family becomes your gateway
to belonging in society.
It's a pretty strange way of thinking about it,
except this is usually the case.
So, when somebody is alienated within their family,
they then, by proxy become alienated within their community,
alienated by society at large,
alienated by humanity
and then alienated by the world.
This is how you will perceive it
if you're alienated within your family.
To be honest,
you may feel like you don't belong on earth.
But here's the thing:
human nature, when someone is rejected,
is to reject back.
So, when a child is in a situation
where they're rejected within a family system,
the child rejects the family system, in return.
Go ahead and think about a kid, especially a teen,
who seems to be against the family.
So here's how the progression begins:
The child who feels alienated, who feels emotionally disowned,
who feels rejected by the family itself,
then rejects the family back,
but doesn't stop there, remember?
Because a family is sort of the gateway to society,
they also reject the community,
reject the society,
reject humanity at large,
and reject the world.
And even go so far as to reject the universe at large.
Let's be honest,
for most people on the planet
it is too hard to keep pulling and keep opening up
to people who are rejecting and pushing you away.
~ Sigh ~
So it's at this point that if we suffer from orphanhood
within a family complex,
we tend to jump into a self-fulfilling cycle.
So, because we're rejecting the family
and the family is this gateway to society,
we then reject community,
we reject society,
we reject humanity,
and we reject the world at large.
Now, why is this a self-fulfilling cycle?
Because how do people act when we push them away?
How do people act
when we are the one rejecting or disowning them,
or alienating them,
or separating ourselves from them?
The cycle just gets worse.
They reject us right back,
and then we reject them right back.
But each time that happens it intensifies,
until we feel like we don't belong here at all.
In other words,
you really need to consider
that if you were part of this dynamic,
it means that you probably hold an energy
and say things and do things that alienate and disown others,
even if you don't recognize it yet.
If we want to undo this dynamic,
then we have to change our perspective drastically.
Not only do we have to seek and choose our family,
we have to do to them what was never done to us.
This means you must take others as a part of you.
You must begin to positively own people.
Think about what your family would have or should have done
if they really took you as a part of themselves
and thought you belonged with them,
and if they really really wanted you
rather than a different kind of child,
what would they have felt like and said and done?
I want you to make a list
in answer to these questions.
And I want you to start doing that for other people.
Start giving those things to other people.
It doesn't matter who you choose,
you could choose the grocery store clerk
if you wanted to.
Just start practicing giving those things you wish you received.
Not only will this change your entire point of attraction
so you will actually be a match to finding actual family,
you can also sleep at night
knowing that you're the one who ended this cycle.
This perpetual cycle of abandonment,
of disownership, of separation.
You are being the change you wish to see in the world.
To end this video, i'm going to share a different perspective with you as well.
I want you to look at yourself
through the lens of an extraterrestrial being.
Through the lens of an extraterrestrial being
regardless of whether or not you fit into a traditional family unit,
you are still part of the species called human.
As a result, you cannot unbelong to humanity or to society
any more than a deer can unbelong to the species we call deer.
More than that,
you are a part of earth.
More than that,
you are a part of the universe.
You cannot unbelong to either.
The more you awaken
and the day you will consider yourself happy,
is the day when you realize that humanity is your family.
The earth is your family.
The universe itself is your family
and you cannot unbelong to it.
In other words,
if you don't belong to a family, belong to humanity.
Belong to the world.
Belong to the universe and as such,
see all things in existence as family.
Choose them as family.
See them as a part of you and see yourself as a part of them.
Doing so, will inevitably reveal
your place and purpose within the grand scheme of things.
And once you have found that,
no matter how much the other elements in that system
decide to reject you and push you away,
they cannot take away your belonging within that greater system.
Instead you'll start to see them as people who are merely fighting you
as the external projection of the things
that they have disowned within themselves.
This is my hope for you and also the gift that lies dormant
in the experience of being orphaned.
The gift inherent in orphanhood,
is that because you have been stripped of your identification
with a singular group of people,
it has been denied to you,
you now have the opportunity to find your belonging
more so, than people who have belonged to a secular unit of people,
in the greater group.
You are much closer to finding your place within humanity,
within the world,
and within the universe.
As such, if you change your perspective
you will be the person who can fly across the world
and shake hands with anyone,
understanding that they're your brother, your sister,
your mother, your father,
your daughter, your son and your kin.
You've just been physically apart for a while.
And this being the case,
you belong with all of them
and all of them belong with you.
Have a good week.
If you liked this video,
be sure to share it,
like it and also subscribe to my channel
so you can see more content like this.
But I want to personally thank you for taking the initiative
and having the bravery to step into the space of awareness
not only for yourself, but for the benefit of those around you.
Subtitles by: Tanya Duarte