-Sorry to do this, but if I may, there's something
that's been bothering me that I need to get off my chest.
I'm in the elevator earlier today,
just me and this one other guy,
and when he gets off at his floor,
he turns to me and he says, "Have a good one."
And I'm like, "Have a good what?"
And he says, "Huh?"
And I say, "You said, 'Have a good one,'
so I'm asking you, have a good one what?"
But then he just stares at me until the doors closed.
And I'm sorry, but I got to say it.
These casual pleasantries can all go straight to hell.
-Seth stood up on his desk and shouted,
"To everyone who says, 'It's a jungle out there,'
no, bish, it's a jungle in here."
He then pulled on a rope hanging above his desk,
which lifted a curtain,
revealing a live puma in the studio.
which caused the audience to panic and stampede,
at which point, Seth said, "Relax.
She's not dangerous."
At which point, the puma leapt from the stage
and tackled Albert Einstein,
biting off his face and savaging his body,
before casting aside his bloody carcass like a rag doll.
Following this, the puma turned and set her sights
on the courtroom sketch artist, brutally savaging him, as well,
which necessitated a second sketch artist
to take over drawing duties,
even though they were a decidedly poorer artist.
And, ultimately, all of this resulted
in Seth putting his head in his hands and saying...
-And, no, you can't pick my brain,
but you can pick my foot out of your ass.
Whoo! That felt good.