>>GUESS WHO?
>>COULD IT BE MY GIRLFRIEND
THAT I HAVEN'T SEEN FOR A MONTH?
>>OH, I MISSED YOU!
>>I MISSED YOU TOO.
>>OH.
[AUDIENCE CHEERS]
>>[CLEARS THROAT]
[COUGHS MORE FORCEFULLY]
YEAH.
[CLEARS THROAT]
DID YOU NOT SEE THE SIGN?
>>YOU MEAN THAT POORLY
HAND-DRAWN NOTE, OFFICER?
>>UH, FULL LIEUTENANT
OF THE VOLUNTEER
PRECINCT WILLIAMS TO YOU,
AND LOOK HERE, MA'AM,
IF THAT IS YOUR NAME,
IN FACT, IN THIS PARK,
THAT I VOLUNTARILY PATROL
ON MY LUNCH BREAKS,
THERE WILL BE ORDER.
AND THAT BEGINS WITH--
COME HERE REAL QUICK--
NO P.D.A.!
IS THAT CLEAR?
>>YES SIR.
>>ALL RIGHT, DO ME A FAVOR.
GET ON OUT OF HERE.
GO ON, GET!
>>[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]
>>[SQUEALS]
[CLEARS THROAT]
>>WHAT?
>>MHM.
>>SORRY.
>>I'M SORRY.
>>CAN YOU JUST-
>>OH, WATCH OUT.
OH, JUST...
>>CAN WE JUST GO?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>>ALL RIGHT, LET'S JUST
GO AROUND THE BACK.
>>COME ON, NOW, WATCH OUT.
>>OH!
>>IS THERE A PROBLEM?
>>DID YOU NOT SEE THE SIGN, BOY?
OH, HOLD ON NOW,
DOGGONE WIND JUST PICKS UP,
AND HERE WE GO RIGHT HERE.
THERE WE GO.
>>YOU JUST POSTED THAT THERE.
>>I JUST POSTED THAT HERE!
>>AH!
>>UH-HUH.
YEAH.
AND I LEARNED THIS ONE FROM KUNG
FU PANDA 2 SPECIAL FEATURES.
SO WHY DON'T YOU KEEP YOUR HANDS
TO YOURSELVES SO MINE-
WATCH OUT!
YEAH, SO THAT MINE DON'T
HAVE TO GET INVOLVED.
>>COME ON, OFFICER.
YOU WERE YOUNG ONCE.
>>UH, FULL LIEUTENANT OF THE
VOLUNTEER PRECINCT TO YOU,
AND NO, I WAS NEVER YOUNG ONCE.
I WAS BORN WITH THE BRAIN AND
BODY OF A PORTLY 55-YEAR OLD.
IT'S A RARE GENETIC DISORDER.
>>THAT'S NOT A REAL THING.
>>BAM!
THAT'S ME RIGHT THERE.
YEAH.
WHEN THOSE KIDS WERE SUCKING
THEIR THUMBS EATING GLUE,
I WAS FILING MY TAXES
AND WATCHING RERUNS
OF GILLIGAN'S ISLAND.
MHM.
YOU CAN HOLD ON TO
THAT ONE FOR LATER.
>>I DON'T WANT IT.
>>SO WHY DON'T YOU AND YOU
GET ON OUT OF HERE WITH THAT
"HANKY-TOOTLE-WENT-TO-TOWN"
MESS BEFORE I HAVE
TO WRITE SOMETHING?
ALL RIGHT?
GO ON, GET.
GET!
GO ON, GET, FOLKS!
I'M GOING TO GET YOU.
>>ELIZABETH JAMES...
>>[GASPS]
>>I LOVE YOU SO MUCH,
AND I PROMISE I WILL
NEVER GIVE YOU ANY
REASON TO DOUBT IT.
>>[SCREAMS]
[PLOPPING SOUND]
[DUCKS QUACK]
>>CRISIS AVERTED.
>>WHAT IS IT?
WHAT HAPPENED?
>>GIRL, DID YOU NOT SEE
THE SIGN RIGHT THERE?
>>BUT TODAY IS SPECIAL.
I WAS GOING TO
PROPOSE TO MY GIRL-
>>OH, OH!
BACK IT UP.
ONE MORE SALACIOUS
OR TANTALIZING MOVE,
AND I WILL PEPPER SPRAY THE
HORMONES OUT OF BOTH OF Y'ALL.
WHEN I WAS FIVE-YEARS OLD,
I WITNESSED MY GRANDDADDY
HUG MY GRANDMAMMY,
AND SHE DIED TEN YEARS LATER.
NOW I KNOW WE ALL SPEAK
DIFFERENT LOVE LANGUAGES
AND I WILL PEPPER
SPRAY ON ALL OF THEM.
SO GET OUT OF MY PARK!
>>YOU CAN'T BE-
[SCREAMS]
>>I SAID GO ON, NOW, GET!
TOO MUCH INDECENCY
IN THE WORLD TODAY.
OH, WHAT HAVE WE GOT HERE?
YOU KNOW WHAT?
THEY GOING TO LEARN TODAY.
ONE DAY I SAW A
YOUNG COUPLE HUG,
AND THERE WAS AN EARTHQUAKE.
SUBSCRIBE HERE!
MHM.
AND I SAW A YOUNG BOY
GIVE A YOUNG GIRL FLOWERS,
AND THERE WERE THREE
TRAIN WRECKS THAT DAY.
COMMENT BELOW!
YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO. 01:03:59.135,00:00:00.000 ♪♪