- [Narrator] Hey Psych2goers, welcome back.
Relationships and how not to mess them up
is, was, and will continue to be a relevant topic
in all forms of media.
When you look at the message they're sending though,
one basic puerile concept shines through,
reciprocal treatment.
We may have heard it called "The Golden Rule" as children
and now hand wave it as adults thinking,
of course, I know it.
Taking a step back though,
we as a society seem to have a surprisingly difficult time
truly enacting this practice,
whether it's from a lack of self-awareness
or forgetting that your committed romantic partner
is also your best friend.
We're gonna point out five habits
that are destructive to relationships.
Number one, the habit of ex-parison
or comparing your partner to your past relationships.
As a general rule, it's considered poor taste
and a weak argument to use comparisons of people we know
to pit one as better than the other.
This is most directly seen
the more emotionally involved we are,
especially past partners.
Comparisons in this scenario usually develop
into us making our subjective view as an absolute truth,
a black or white.
Unless one is aiming
to slide down the lane of being a zealot,
we're sure you can see how this type of comparison
can be harmful.
We tend to forget
that just as no one person has a 100% picture of you
because only you have that,
the same goes for what we see in others.
In comparing the ex or the exes to your current partner,
it demonstrates that the past relationship
is taking up disproportionate importance in your mind.
This could also present as mistrust
in the current relationship,
so as to use a past one as a baseline.
It can also show that there's no room
for getting to know someone new
if you're trying to nudge the new person
into being someone else.
What that partner sees and feels is that they are no one,
only there to somehow clone or carry on the legacy
of a past relationship.
Since they feel that they somehow aren't in a relationship
because you actually want them,
they may quickly come to the conclusion
that there is no reason to stay.
Number two, the habit of complacency.
Don't set it and forget it.
This usually happens
after the honeymoon period of the relationship.
You know, when the hormones cool
and you no longer feel
all neurons firing a hundred gun salute
every time the person calls you.
This is a bit of a tipping point
where we have to actively and consciously
make maintenance efforts to the relationship.
"But I didn't have to think about it before."
We know.
That was the infatuation phase
when you not only had the super rush of hormones
but also weren't totally sure of the level of into you
your partner was.
It sounds like a big deal, this maintenance,
but really it's just forming a good habit
instead of a bad one.
The habit of being complacent looks like sweatpants 24-7,
the disappearance of date nights,
and essentially choosing every other activity
over your partner
because they'll be there.
The result is a partner who feels taken for granted
and shoved on a back burner.
The actions or inactions
send a message of "This relationship isn't my priority."
A good habit is taking periodic relationship checks
like check-ins.
Maybe a surprise movie night.
Just something to make sure your partner understands
just how important the relationship is to you.
Number three, the habit of ego.
This relationship isn't just you.
An important aspect of relationships is communication.
Communication is a two-way street.
It's not you talking about yourself
and everything your partner says is about you and for you.
Empathy is the key and vital role here.
In listening to your romantic partner
you're not only comprehending their words
but also feeling how they feel.
This means not automatically jumping to the defensive
believing this is them trying to lay the smackdown on you.
It's not about you.
When you can empathize,
you communicate that you respect and value their needs,
creating a safe space for them.
This allows them to open up, be vulnerable,
and thus deepen the relationship.
Number four, the habit of being a jerk.
Don't be abusive.
Remember that abuse is not only physical.
Bruises, cuts, and scars can also be dealt with
emotionally, psychologically, and verbally.
Abuse of any sort acts like a gangrenous cancer.
It weakens and rots an aspect of the relationship
and spreads until total destruction
and decomposition are accomplished.
Tying into the previous point,
even if you think of it as a joke,
take a moment to consider
if this is really hurting your partner.
So, calling your partner names or belittling them
might make you feel like you're being fun and laid back,
but it's really crushing the communication between you both.
It also breaks down the respect
and subsequently the trust you have towards each other.
The widening gap this drives between you
leads to no longer feeling the need
to carry on the relationship.
And number five, the habit of infidelity.
Don't cheat.
All right, you can stop saying "Derp, that's obvious."
We all know the words and we all know the logic
and yet it happens so much.
One wonders if we as people even get it anymore.
Relationships rely on trust and love.
Cheating is the clearest breaking of that trust.
Cheating means that you and your partner had an agreement,
a bond, and an emotional contract
that was just incinerated by the cheater.
It's also not always as simple as "I kissed someone else."
Every relationship has its own agreements,
regardless of type.
You knowingly break that agreement and you've cheated.
This can even include purposefully omitting information
because you know that the tenet of the relationship
is being breached by that info.
This habit denotes that there is a lack of trust
or an insecurity
and sooner or later it tears the relationship apart.
Did you relate to any of these habits?
Let us know in the comments below.
Maintaining a relationship sounds easy,
yet, always remember that the best things are the best
because we put effort into them.
Sometimes the greatest effort
is looking at one's self and being honest.
We have faith that you will do what is right
for you and your loved one.
And if it's worth it, work it.
Thanks for watching
and we'll catch you next time.
(soft music)