This isn’t something I like talking about or that I feel comfortable sharing, to be
honest, and I’ll talk more about why later in this video.
But here we go.
For those of us who have been following the restrictions during this past year and a half
and hence kept large amounts of time isolated to different extents, re-entering into the
world as things are slowly opening up again can feel a bit scary.
It does for me at least.
And it’s not just being in a social situation that feels… difficult.
It’s the before.
The anticipation.
Like, when I’m expecting a call or when I know I’m about to go somewhere.
I don’t want to get graphic here, but my stomach does not handle that well.
I also feel like social interactions drain me more than usual.
Even just responding to texts or calls feels like a task.
Like a lot of people, since working from home, I’ve had lots of zoom calls.
And to be honest, at the end of those calls, I almost always just lay down straight in
bed or on the floor for a moment to recharge.
It just feels exhausting.
I must say, it is comforting knowing that this feeling of social awkwardness is somewhat
of a collective experience, given that we’ve all been through the same thing, broadly speaking.
Now, it’s not that I was a social butterfly before, but as much as I enjoy my own company,
I do also enjoy going out from time to time, especially during this time of the year when
all I want to do is to be somewhere.
I like seeing new places, trying out new restaurants, meeting people...
Oh and I also have this puppy now that needs plenty of socialization.
You know, I know it’s rather popular to “hate small talk”, and I’m generally
not a fan of it, if it’s in a situation where it feels forced, like, when you’re
at an event you don’t even really want to be at, and you’re standing there with a
group of people you don’t know, chatting about who knows who and how they know each
other and what their plans for the holidays are, when none of which really interests you.
But I actually enjoy small-talk when it comes naturally, like having a conversation with
the waiter at a restaurant or with your neighbors.
Finding things in common with people in places you wouldn’t expect is always nice, and
you never know what could come out of it.
What I do know is that I don’t want to feel awkward when interactions do occur.
I don’t want fear and nerves to take the joy out of what could’ve been a pleasant
experience.
Now, the reason I use the word “awkward” and not “anxious” is because I’ve dealt
with social anxiety before, and it’s not a term I’d ever use lightly.
I know how much it can control one's life, where you avoid social interactions at all
costs.
It’s a medical condition, social “awkwardness”, however, is not.
So, here’s what it feels like to me.
Yes, I feel overly self-conscious, I tend to overthink my words and my body language,
which are all symptoms that can be recognized in a socially anxious person.
But as for being avoidant, I actually feel the opposite.
Almost.
See, although I get this yucky feeling in my body whenever I’m faced with a social
situation, I actually feel excited to face that feeling and to overcome it.
I’m embracing this feeling of awkwardness, and I don’t say that to romanticize it or
turn it into something quirky.
Let me explain.
After everything that’s happened this year, specifically in my life, personally, much
of what I used to regard as a problem, now seem trivial to me.
I simply don’t really care if I stumble on my words or turn a bit red or face an awkward
silence with a stranger or if I come across as weird.
We’re all just… people.
We all get awkward and uncomfortable at times.
We’re all just trying to figure this life thing out.
Everyone of us has baggage, a life, a story, one that most people know nothing about.
This is not me invalidating anyone's feelings or not acknowledging how seriously being socially
awkward or anxious can affect a person's life.
But our experiences, the things we go through in life… it shapes our perception, our outlook
on things.
And this is mine now.
I guess the thing with any fear or anxiety is that it makes us feel restricted; like
we’re captives of our minds, our body, perhaps the world.
We don’t feel free.
So, how am I dealing with this?
Like I said, things are only now starting to slowly “go back to normal”, and I’m
still figuring out how I feel about that.
For that reason, I don’t have a lot of advice.
But I do still want this video to be helpful, so I thought I’d share some of the things
that I keep in mind:
I got nothing to lose, and everything to gain.
The worst case scenario of a social interaction, typically won’t be detrimental to your life
by any stretch of the imagination.
I’m facing it.
My desire for potentially interesting conversations with interesting people and curiosity about
where those could lead, is stronger than any fear I have.
I’m genuinely interested in people and in what they have to say.
I don’t just act like I am.
And that alone makes a huge difference.
It makes me more present, more focused on the person, rather on myself.
I don’t go around telling myself or telling people that I’m socially awkward.
Except, I’m saying it now, to thousands of people, because I think talking about it
can be helpful to some.
I believe in the power of words, and I’ve talked about this plenty.
Once you tell yourself something enough times, that thing will start to become the starting
point of how you engage with the world; we may start using it as a shield.
“I simply can’t go to x or do x because I’m socially awkward.”
It’s fully possible to acknowledge something without making it part of your identity.
One way that I do that is that I try to use the words “I feel” rather than “I am”.
So, in this case, “I feel awkward” rather than “I am awkward”.
Or if I’m having a bad day, I don’t look at myself in the mirror saying “I’m so
hopeless.”
I say “I feel hopeless right now.”
Finally, In Swedish we say “det blir som det blir” which if you translate it verbatim,
means “it’ll be what it’ll be” which I guess would be the equivalent of saying
“it is what it is” or “whatever happens, happens”.
It’s a form of accepting the way things turn out, and I find that to be helpful.
Now that I think about it, I don’t even know if that’s an actual saying in Swedish.
But anyway, it’s something I say.
Now, I fully acknowledge that some people deal with social awkwardness their whole life,
and this may be a much more complicated issue.
For others, like myself, it looks different.
And that’s fine.
There’s space for everyone’s story here on the Lana Blakely channel, and they’re
all welcome to look as different as they’d like.
Alright, thank you all so much for showing up here today.
Now, I want to know how you feel about things opening up again.
Are you feeling excited?
Anxious?
Indifferent?
What’s the situation like in your country?
Do you miss socializing, or would you be perfectly fine with quarantine continuing for another
decade?
And of course, if you have any advice on any of what we just talked about, drop that in
the comment section, and as always, I will see you there.