-"Saturday Night Live" is coming back this weekend
with Sam Rockwell, who we love. -That's true.
-He's fun. And you were just named co-head writer.
-I'm-- -Congratulations.
-Yeah. -Come on.
♪♪♪♪
Come on. -A lot of people didn't know
that I was even a writer on the show,
'cause none of my sketches make it to air.
[ Laughter ] But apparently now I can.
-Exactly. -Yeah.
-Now you're co-head writer. -My dream is to put through
all of the sketches that they passed on.
[ Laughter ] -I wrote some bad stuff.
-Yeah, did you have one?
-Oh, I had thousands of bad ones.
I just had to stop writing. It was always just awful.
When it's a bad sketch, it's the worst because you can hear
the pages turning. -Yeah, it's brutal.
-And people are reading through.
-You know there's eight more pages to go.
-Yeah. Oh! [ Laughter ]
And you're sweating. You're just getting hot.
You're like, "ooh. This is crazy."
-I once wrote a sketch about the richest black man
in New York, Duane Reade. Nobody thought that was funny.
[ Laughter ]
A lot of-- -Duane Reade.
-There's no white Duanes. -Yeah, that's right.
No, there is not a white Duane. -No. I wrote a sketch about
the first black dude to boo Jackie Robinson.
[ Laughter ]
-Just wasn't a fan. Just not his fan.
-No, yeah, it was a baseball player, but...
-Yeah, exactly. -There had to be one.
-There's got to be one person. -[ Laughs ]
-Is your family psyched that you got this job?
-My family's psyched. I think they're more psyched
that I have a job...
[ Laughter ] ...than the job that it is.
They don't know what head writer means. They don't care.
-No. They don't care about it? -My brother texts me
every Saturday at 11:30 and asks me what am I doing.
[ Laughter ]
"I'm at work." He's like, "well, when?"
I'm like, "it's in the name of the show."
-"Saturday Night." -"Saturday Night Live."
-I work at night on Saturday. -It's live!
-And it's live. [ Laughter ]
-It's right there. -That's hilarious.
Do they watch the show and critique your performance?
-They do. They do. They watch the show all the time.
And they have a lot of compliments for Colin.
[ Laughter ] They think Colin's great.
-They love Colin Jost. -They love Colin Jost.
They don't think I'm the funniest person in the family.
[ Laughter ] -That's the greatest, really.
-"I like the white dude." -Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You just had a break. Did you go on vacation or anything?
-I just did a show in Atlanta for the national championship.
[ Clapping ] -Uh...
[ Laughter ] -Literally one person
was just clapping, 'cause I was...
-You're not getting a ride home. -Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
-How was that? -It was gre--it was bad.
It was bad. -What do you mean?
-Well, I performed for the football teams.
And there's a lot of restrictions.
You can't talk about race. You can't talk --
you can't curse. You can't talk about politics.
You can't -- it felt like the lyrics to "Imagine."
It was like, "imagine no religion."
[ Laughter ] And that's -- that's the j--
And so I had to do jokes about nothing.
[ Laughter ] And I did.
-And it did not go well? -Not good at all.
[ Laughter ] -Really?
-Yeah. I was a little insulting, maybe. Yeah, whatever.
-What'd you end up doing? -I don't know. You know, I got,
I, you know... [ Sighs ] [ Laughter ]
They're college kids, so I'm rooting for them, you know?
-Of course, yeah, yeah. -But on the other hand,
they wasn't laughing at any of my jokes,
so then I just got angry. [ Laughter ]
I just got so mad. -So now you're hating it?
-Yeah. I got -- I was like, "y'all going to be working
at car dealerships later." [ Laughter ]
I don't know why. -[ Laughs ]
I just -- I called all the black players Demetrius
and all the white players punters.
It was brutal. It was... [ Laughter ]
They wasn't laughing! I was upset. They'll be fine.
-That's a good joke. That's a good joke.
-It was pretty solid, I got to admit.
[ Laughter ] -And so, all --
but what'd you do? -So, then -- oh, how about this?
After that, I was upset. We went to a Dos "Eq-uis" party.
You know the beer, Dos Eq-uis. -Dos Equis.
-I say Dos "Eq-uis." [ Laughter ]
-Oh. Dos Eq-uis?
-When I've never heard a word pronounced, I just say it like
my grandmother would say it. [ Laughter ]
Dos Equis. -Yeah, Dos Equis.
-Okay, Dos Equis. -Yeah, it's like
the most interesting man -- -He was there.
And I was photobombing him so much 'cause I was upset.
I was photobombing him because people were trying to take
pictures with him and then they came over and asked me to stop.
[ Laughter ] And then they asked me," hey, do
you want to take a picture?" And I was like, "sure."
So we're taking a picture and I'm like,
I'm gonna mess with this guy. And I was like, "hey, man, we're
gonna go to the strip club after this if you want to join."
And he said, "okay."
[ Laughter ]
And I'm like -- I guess he's making it up.
I didn't really believe it. But then like 20 minutes later,
his guy comes over and was like,
"hey, Augie wants to go to the strip club."
[ Laughter ] -Augie is his name?
-I think that's what he said. They had accents.
[ Laughter ]
I think his name is Augie the same way I think
the beer is Dos Equis. -Dos Equis, yeah, yeah.
-But no, we -- so, we went to the strip club,
me and the most interesting man in the world.
[ Laughter ]
At an Atlanta strip club at 3 in the morning.
-And is he the most interesting man in the world?
-Dude, he reconnected a father with his son. It was weird.
[ Laughter ]
He was amazing. This guy -- -What?
[ Applause ] At a strip club?
-He was sitting-- we was at the club.
This sounds made up, but please, follow me on Instagram.
[ Laughter ] I documented it.
-Really? -It was awesome.
This guy is awesome. He really is interesting.
-Wow. [ Laughter ]
-He was over there and he was like, "hey, man,
that guy is with his son right now."
And it was just this old white dude and a young white dude.
And I was like, "that's a little racist and presumptuous."
[ Laughter ] He said, "I'm-a go talk to 'em."
I was like, "don't." [ Laughter ]
He walks over there and he starts talking to them.
At first, they're very uncomfortable.
And then they started laughing.
And then they started getting lap dances.
-Sounds like the craziest night I've ever even heard of.
-And then I lost my credit card at McDonald's.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-You're doing it right. You're doing it right.
You're doing it right. You know that.
-I want to write a sketch about that. [ Laughs ]
-Yeah, you should write a -- exactly. Do you still do --
would you ever do corporate gigs?
-Corporate gigs are hard, because you know, you just --
-You can't say anything. -You can't say anything.
Like I did this one gig for this parent company for, like,
I think it was, like, Bounty and Febreze and all that stuff.
And it had to be super clean, obviously,
'cause it's corporate. [ Laughter ]
No pun intended. I'm not that good.
[ Rimshot ]
[ Laughter ]
Damn you. -[ Laughs ]
-Nah, it had to be super clean. And also the catch was,
you had to say the name of the product in your joke.
Now, Jimmy, this infuriated me. -Yeah.
-'Cause I was like, there's no way I'm going to ruin my --
so I just said the dirtiest, dirtiest, dirtiest jokes
I could think of, and then I ended it with,
"and then we had to wipe it up with Bounty."
[ Laughter ] And then...
[ Cheers and applause ] -That was it.
You'll never work with Bounty again.
-The crowd loved it. -Yeah, exactly.
Michael Che, everybody.