A large part of my practice is seeing clients who have recently gone through a
divorce. Some of the emotional pains that they struggle with are insomnia,
body aches, they have confused thinking, panic disorders,
and many times their symptoms actually replicate PTSD. Society may
encourage you to have post divorce parties, or friends might say ah you're
better off without them - you know they were holding you down or holding you
back. But today on Reaction Reset, I'm going to tell you the truth about the
grim emotional effects following a divorce that affected many. It's a topic
we don't talk about.
No one can escape the effects of divorce. Celebrities like Demi Moore have gone on
and on about how her health was failing after her divorce. Doctors and lawyers
have both weighed in on the topic of how people go through an emotional and
physical struggle after divorce. You see there's no right way to do divorce.
There's no right way to feel about it. Sometimes your support network, which used
to hold you close, all of a sudden you've lost them after divorce. That
compiles the effects of the emotional and physical onslaught of problems after
a divorce. A study out of Michigan State found that people who went through a
divorce up to 15 years later were still struggling with health-related problems.
This was not true with people couples (married couples) who
had lost a partner due to death. As many as 60% of people going through a
divorce have been found to struggle with symptoms very much like PTSD flashbacks,
migraines, confusion, moments of intense fear. Emotional stress wrecks the body.
It affects the immune system, it affects the cardiovascular, it affects our skin.
Eczema is known to increase after a divorce.
All these things are showing you that your body is breaking down from the
emotional stress. If you suffer from the symptoms I've mentioned, it's important
for you to take control of your body again. If you find yourself withdrawing,
feeling confused at work, not able to focus, and just not not right in yourself
and it's been going on for more than 30 days - let's go through ways that you can
get better. First and most important, get into therapy. You need to have help
getting through this. A therapist is going to help support you emotionally so
you can feel energized and motivated to make the changes you need to make. A well
known treatment for PTSD (if you're having those type of struggles) is EMDR.
It's done in the office and easy to do. Secondly, be sure to eat and exercise
every day. This is going to help you minimize your stress and help you feel
more in control. And don't forget - eliminate alcohol. Why do I say that?
Wine relaxes, right? No wine is actually a depressant on your body and, after a
divorce, feeling even more depressed is not going to help you get through this.
Fourthly, enroll in yoga or some sort of meditation class. The reason for
this is you need to gain control of your own breathing. Many times, when we're feeling
panic or fear, we start breathing rapidly. Without knowing
it, we're actually closing down our circulatory system making our blood
pressure shoot up, which increases our anxiety. Once you learn yoga or meditation,
it's going to help you calm down and clear your thoughts. It will help you
take control of breathing nice, deep breaths.
Finally, remind yourself that you're in control of you and your choices.
When your ex is still alive, it's really difficult to allow them into your home
to pick up your child - to still see them every day. Sometimes, there's lots of
resentment and anger left over. But remember, your child's success - your
child's ability to get through this - is going to depend on your actions and in your
choices. Love your child enough to accept and co-parent with your ex. If you are a
loved one or a friend of someone going through a divorce, it's important that
you listen and that you remain non-judgmental and that you're there for
them. Encourage them to seek counseling because this is going to be the most
instrumental thing in helping them move forward. If you are the person going
through a divorce, it's important that you know this marriage was over. It was
broken but that doesn't prevent you from loving again, and it doesn't prevent you
from being a great parent. Love your child enough to work and to co-parent
with your ex as best you can.
Remember, change your reaction, change your world.