I don't need to bombard you
with cultural stories or sayings,
you already know that a major rift in understanding
exists between the sexes.
Seeing as how I've already done a video,
which you seem to like,
called:
What Every Man Should Know About Women,
I've decided to humor you
and do the opposite:
What Every Woman Needs to Know About Men
What women don't currently know about men,
is that men need to feel
wanted, needed and useful.
You need to make space in your life
for a man to fill a place
and a specific role
and a specific purpose in your life.
Doing this is what makes a man feel
connected and committed to you.
Now that I've given you the overall concept,
I'm gonna break it down for you.
The women's rights movement
undeniably benefited us in several ways.
All you need to do to understand this,
is to go back before the 1960s
and look at the typical relationship between men and women
in that society at that time.
Shocking.
However,
what happens when there's a lot of injury
to anyone,
that includes demographics of people,
is that they tend to swing the pendulum
to the complete opposite extreme,
thereby creating just as much damage by doing that,
that was created in the opposite extreme.
And this is exactly what happened with the women's rights movement.
Because of the pain that women experienced
at the hands of men,
whether they could recognize it in themselves or not,
The reality is that there was hatred of men
embedded in this movement.
This created a bizarre energy
to the movement that publicly professed
to seek equality between the sexes
but that in fact, sought to turn the tables on men.
The shadow of the women's rights movement
was the eradication of masculinity.
And I assure you,
its ripple effects are still playing out today.
Though they may at face-value
seem empowering to someone who's in a space of powerlessness,
sayings like these:
"Women can do everything men can do."
"Women are doing it for themselves."
"Don't be a woman that needs a man,
be the kind of woman that a man needs."
"If you want something said, ask a man;
If you want something done, ask a woman."
"Whatever women do they must do twice as good as a man does
to be seen half as good.
Luckily. This isn't difficult."
They are insanely destructive
and they're also not true.
This universe is not redundant.
That's a waste of time when it comes to expansion.
That means,
there are things that men can do that women can't do,
and there are things that women can do that men can't do.
Just like some species can swim
and others can't.
This doesn't mean we're better or worse than each other,
it means our areas of excellence are different.
To understand more about this watch my video titled:
People Are Not All Equal
This scares the crap out of us.
Why? Because it means,
that we're in reality that this is an interdependent society
and an interdependent world in general.
Any form of dependency
makes us feel that we're at the mercy of something else.
But this is the thing you guys,
men are just as much at the mercy of women,
as women are at the mercy of men.
If you want to look at it that way, in terms of mercy.
Here's the thing that's going to be very difficult
for women, who are watching this, to swallow;
If you approach the topic of gender,
with this type of mentality,
that we're all equal,
that we can do it just as much as men can do it,
that anything they can do we can do,
this sort of attitude,
you're in fact
shooting yourself right in the foot.
Women have the tendency to see men as narcissists
and they tend to think that this narcissism
implies that men are independent.
Men are not independent.
They need connection and a social group,
just like women do.
They thrive when they fit into a social group
in a symbiotic way.
They need to feel useful
and therefore needed and therefore wanted.
In fact their self-esteem is primarily about this.
And men love to take responsibility
where it serves their self-esteem to do so.
Men subconsciously define their worth
based on the reflection they get about what they do for others.
The message that women are giving to men nowaday,
is the exact opposite of this.
Women mistake a man having a real place and purpose in their lives,
as a slippery slope into powerless dependence.
Women mistake a man opening doors for them,
as an insult about their capability.
Women mistake male leadership for control
and because of this, instead of making space
for a man in their lives,
women continually remind them
that they are not needed.
This becomes a serious mixed message
and it puts men in a lose-lose.
This is why:
Women don't allow men
to step up and take leadership
or step up and take a place and a purpose in their lives.
Yet when a man doesn't do this,
suddenly,
we're totally unattracted to him.
Basically what we're doing with these messages
is putting men in a position
to become passive.
I don't know if you've noticed yet,
but men in the modern world today
are becoming extremely passive.
And this is not something that women can be sexually attracted to.
So here we are shooting ourselves in the foot.
We're creating the very thing
that we now have no purpose for in our lives.
When we do this to a man,
what happens is we lose complete respect for him.
And in the state of passivity,
he becomes more like,
another child for us to have to take care of.
When anyone gets put into a lose/lose
they tend to become rebellious.
They try to find some a third option
where they can gain some kind of power.
Now the way that men go about doing this
is by throwing up their hands.
The attitude that men have
when we put them in this lose-lose is:
"All right fine,
do it all yourself then,
see how well it goes for you."
Potentially the best example of this behavior
can be seen by the character Richard
in the movie Blue Lagoon.
It is this dynamic
that has led to the burnout that women experience today.
In the post-feminist era,
they now have to do and be all things to all people.
This was never how it was supposed to be
within the human species.
Many women today are questioning what the point of men really is,
and when women begin to take on this attitude,
they become the ones that begin to objectify men.
This is a terrifying form of turning the tables.
Having said all of this,
there's one thing that women do have to understand
about this need and this thing they don't understand about men
and it's that a man does not want to be needed
and wanted and valued for what he isn't,
any more than you do.
I do have to say that intimacy phobia
acts like a mask that covers over authenticity.
So sometimes intimacy phobia
is genuinely the problem here.
However, when women are often describing
that the men in their lives are calling them needy
for things that they want their men to fulfill in life,
what's actually happening here
is that a woman is REFUSING
to look at incompatibility.
In other words,
when women experience resistance
from their male partners when they state their needs,
They're experiencing this
because they're not selecting compatible partners.
To understand more about this watch my video titled:
Compatibility (A Harsh Reality in Relationships)
I'm gonna take the risk
of using an object in this upcoming metaphor
to illustrate this idea for you.
Keep in mind this is not me objectifying men,
what this is is me using a metaphor
to try to explain what I'm trying to get at here.
All men are different.
Even though you will see some core traits
that are inherent in masculinity itself,
and therefore you will see it shining through every man,
just like every woman is a unique expression of Divine Feminine,
every man is a unique expression of divine masculine.
Because of this,
all of them are like different makes and models of cars.
A woman who is a family-oriented woman,
would not be happy
if she bought herself a sports car.
For some men,
demanding that the way they would be needed and valued by you
is if they could be a certain way,
is no different than telling a sports car
that it needs to become a minivan and will only be valued if it does this.
When incompatibility exists,
what a woman usually does
is completely ignore this fact
and instead slide down the slippery slope
into constant criticism.
What women are thinking when they're doing this,
Is that criticizing a man is going to get them to change,
from a sports car into a minivan,
for example.
But it's never gonna work.
So what should a woman do,
in order to accommodate this "reality" of men?
This thing they didn't previously understand.
1. Let a man be in his masculine energy.
In fact, encourage it.
When a man is strongly and squarely
in his divine masculine energy,
this is not a threat to you in any way.
In fact, this is going to be
your strongest advocate in life.
To understand more about masculinity,
feel free to watch my video titled:
The Divine Masculine
2. Make space in your life for a man.
A man has got to find a place in your life,
a purpose for being in your life,
a place where he is uniquely needed.
This is not the same as bossing a man around.
What this is is opening up that place
so he can step up into it
and really take ownership of that position in your life.
For example,
let him open doors for you.
Let him open lids on jars that are hard to open.
Let him step in and protect you.
Let him fix that problem you're struggling with.
Let him put his jacket around you if you're cold.
Let him pay for the movie.
Together clearly define the difference between his role
and your role in the household.
Something that native tribes
and the old world totally understood,
is that there is a high degree
of health in fact,
in gender roles.
Assuming that both genders
have agreed to the role that they're in,
and so there's an element of freewill involved in it,
the gender shouldn't be considered the same
and the things they do shouldn't be exactly the same.
In fact, the healthier relationships
are relationships in which
your role and your purpose
is clearly defined and different
from my role and my purpose.
So to speak.
Now the next thing I'm going to tell you
is gonna be a little bit of a bitch-slap for most women.
I really encourage you to take it in,
instead of immediately resist it.
If the energy you give off
or the things you say run along the lines of:
"I got it, because I'm an independent woman",
there is an impenetrable
wall around you in your life.
There is no role for him to fill.
This is not inviting.
Men will gravitate away from this
and the only men
who will feel like getting anywhere near you
are gonna fall into two categories;
The first category
is men who are really traumatized
relative to mommy.
These type of men see how independent and in control
and how you don't need anything from him,
and they love it.
Why? Because they actually want to be taken care of.
This is your surefire way to end up with
more than one or two or three children.
Your spouse will be a child as well.
The second category of men
is men who also experienced trauma in their lives
that caused them to love the sensation
of the power of taming a wild horse.
These men are highly dangerous,
because they're gonna love the challenge of subduing you.
They're gonna look at one of these independent
freedom fighter type of women and say:
"All right, I'm gonna beat her into submission."
I'm gonna do it mentally, emotionally, physically
or all three.
3. This next point that I'm about to make
has absolutely nothing
with whether or not it's okay for you
to be upset with your partner.
It's okay to be upset and be dissatisfied.
But when it comes to men
you have to be incredibly careful of these three things:
Criticism, Nagging and Manipulation.
What men hear if they're chronically criticized is:
"You're a failure at the role I need you to fulfill in my life."
They also need to know
specifically what you want,
instead of what they are doing.
They also need to know specifically
what you want instead of what they're doing.
Not just get the message
that they're doing something wrong.
To understand more about this watch my video titled:
Criticism (How To Give and Take Feedback)
And remember that if it feels like
you're constantly criticizing a man in your life
and constantly nagging,
you may just be ignoring incompatibility
and trying to turn a sports car,
into a minivan.
For a lot of historical reasons
and current societal reasons
women tend to use manipulation
to get the men in their life to do what they want to do.
This is only going to backfire.
When you're manipulating, you're forcing a man
to do what you need and to be what you need.
You're not opening up the space so he can become that
or opening the space so that a man who actually is that
can step into your life.
Anyone who feels forced to do something
is ultimately gonna end up hating you.
That's just how it's gonna work.
So what should you do to the opposite of these things
that I've just said?
Give positive feedback
for a man's importance in your life
and for the needs and the important role
that he's doing a great job fulfilling.
4.
Men are incredibly straightforward compared to women.
Yet again, there's a lot of historical
and current societal reasons
why that women have been trained to do this.
But women have been trained
to not be straightforward
and this really backfires on you in relationships with men.
Women are trained to manipulate through passive aggression
and drop hints and cues and never assert their needs.
They're trained than anything else makes them a bitch.
The thing is,
men do not understand this behavior.
They don't get it you guys.
Now, even though a man can practice attuning,
it's unlikely that he's ever gonna be able to read your mind.
This means
your best bet at having a good relationship with a man,
is to be straightforward as hell.
Here's what I mean by that:
If you need attention,
don't drop subtle hints and get passive-aggressive,
tell him:
"I need some attention right now."
This means,
if he's doing something you hate in bed,
don't fake an orgasm just so it can be over,
show him what you want him to do specifically, instead.
If he does something you don't like,
don't act passive-aggressive
and storm out of the house or punish him for it later,
look at him in the face and say:
"I don't like this thing you're doing,
this is why I don't like ____,
could you do this thing instead please?"
I know that those of you
who are trained to be such good little girls
are really gonna be resistant to this,
but the thing is it is such a relief to a man
when a woman is straightforward.
Consider that the reality
is that even though there are some men that are highly traumatized
and therefore are detrimental to you
and trying to control you and this type of thing,
the vast majority of men
aren't actually trying to control you,
they're not actually trying to give you the message
that you're incapable.
This is what they're trying to say:
"I want to be connected to you.
I need to be connected just as much as you do,
in order to feel that way,
I need to fill a role in your life.
A role that holds purpose
so that I can clearly tell that you need me,
and thus want me here in your life."
If you want a healthy relationship with a man,
You would do well to actually make sure
that whoever you are with,
is compatible to you,
in that who he is
and the things he naturally does
actually do fulfill
a very important role and purpose in your life
and a much needed one.
From there you would do well
to think and act and speak
as if this is the case.
Have a good week.
Subtitles by: Tanya Duarte www.tanyaduarte.com