Please welcome, the one, we hope the only, Triple H.
(rock music and cheering)
That was some good acting on your part.
You got a hell of a grip, man.
Yes, I do.
I'm quite a man.
(audience laughter)
Now let's talk here.
You are probably the best bad guy in the world.
You're very good at it.
You enjoy it, don't you?
You enjoy being the bad guy.
Yeah, that's what I, it's what I live for.
When the people are booing
or they're screaming and spitting at me,
that's what I live for.
I mean, it's the, it sounds weird,
but it's the best part of my job.
And the funny thing about our industry
is that most times the baddest bad guys
tend to be the nicest guys
personally. Backstage, right.
Yeah, you know, and the good guys
tend to be the biggest jerks, you know?
I mean, pretty much like you.
(audience cheers and boos)
that's the best you've got?
That's it?
(laughing)
I'm serious, I met him backstage.
He comes off as a great guy out here, right?
He's all smiling, happy, making you laugh.
Backstage, what a jerk.
(audience laughs and boos)
you are the biggest, the biggest Hollywood piece of crap
I ever met!
That's all you've got?
You can't do better than that?
(audience boos louder)
They don't understand.
They don't under,
They don't understand.
They don't understand that the booing makes you stronger.
It makes me strong like bull.
(all laugh)
But I am a big jerk backstage.
It's what I enjoy doing.
Do people, by the way, you're a fat head.
(audience laughs and cheers)
Is this your attempt to doing what I do for a living?
Inciting people?
I think if I started being like a real bad guy,
I think it would be, I mean, our show,
our ratings couldn't probably get any higher
than they are now.
But I think if I started, I changed
my whole persona and went after people just like you.
I think that the show would just really take off.
And if--
So if you had an attitude, a bad attitude,
you think that would help?
That's right, jerk!
(audience laughs)
Look at my long hair.
I mean, come on, you look like a Fabio on crack.
I mean, you know,
(speech drowned out by audience)
Seriously!
You got the big man boobies up here, look at that.
(screams)
No, no, no!
No, no!
(laughs)
Sit.
Just kidding, (laughs)
Oh great, I wet myself.
You forgot the, you forgot the first rule
of being a bad guy is you can talk trash
but you have to
be able to back it up. You gotta back it up
Yeah, I don't have the backing up thing.
If I took my jacket off,
my torso would fall onto the ground.
It's the only thing holding me together right now,
You're like the coat hanger with meat and hanging off it.
(all laugh)
Now you're sort of like Shecky Greene, yeah.
You're Don Rickles, yeah.
Now people actually carry signs at these wrestling matches.
They carry signs that say how much they hate you.
Is there, and you have to look--
(yells from audience)
Shut up!
You have to look at that.
Good comeback.
Yeah, you have to, you have to look at these signs,
which I think would be really difficult to see.
What sign has particularly stuck out lately?
I mean, we get all kinds of signs.
I mean, from, you know, people hating us.
A lot of them are the same, sometimes there's original ones.
Actually my favorite sign, 'cause I'm a big fan of the show,
believe it or not.
My favorite sign was just a little bit ago.
There was a sign in the crowd.
And one of the sayings that I say all the time
is that I'm that damn good.
[Conan] Right, right.
And it was a sign that said "Triple H is that damn good?"
And when the guy flipped the sign over,
it said, "for me to poop on."
(audience cheers)
and I really thought that was great.
I'm a big Triumph fan, you know?
I like the image of you being happy for a second.
And then ah!
Did, do you ever smile,
because in all the footage I've seen of you,
you are never smiling.
Have you ever smiled once in the ring
that you can remember?
One time.
[Conan] Yeah.
About a year ago, maybe a little bit less than that.
We, there's a wrestler that wrestles for us named Al Snow.
And I was wrestling Al Snow in a match on, on television.
And I picked him up for a suplex and--
[Conan] What's the suplex?
Basically a move where I hold a guy straight up
in the air, his head's here,
his legs are straight up in the air.
I let the blood rush to his head for about 10, 15 seconds
and then drop them backwards.
Yeah, I do that sometimes
if I have a little sticky situation.
Yeah.
So I grabbed him by his trunks and as I went to pick him up,
I held him up for about five or six seconds
and I heard the crowd start to laugh.
And I was kind of confused for a second.
The referee came around the front side,
looked up and went, "oh God!"
and started to laugh.
And I looked up and realized that his trunks
had slid all the way over to this side.
And he had nothing on underneath his trunks.
Right, right.
And the hard part is, people are laughing, which--
Yeah.
Which I can attest, this is not a pleasant situation.
They should've been.
It looked like a grub worm
was trying to borrow out of a fur coat.
All right!
(audience applauds)
Wow.
Yeah, it was--
You're like James Joyce with these images.
These are beautiful, wonderful images here.
So anyways, I ended up, you know,
just, the crowd was laughing.
I was laughing.
I gave him the suplex and on the way down,
I just said, (indistinct), you know.
(audience cheers)
And uh.
(audience continues cheering)
it was.
You could have used another word.
Could have said your grub worm is showing.
But no, that's not your style.
You sell, you, you're actually,
a lot of, a lot of stuff.
A lot of, a lot of Triple H souvenirs are selling
for a lot of money on eBay.
Is this true?
Yeah.
We actually, WWF has their own auction site.
And we do, you know,
part of the proceeds to that go to charity
and they'll sell, you know, fans, our fans are crazy.
They're kind of like Trekkies, but not nerds, you know?
And, and they'll buy.
(audience cheers and boos)
No, no, they're, they're, they're,
they're Trekkies that can do some serious damage.
Yeah.
If you, if you, if you get in their face.
Yeah, but they'll buy just about anything,
you know, I mean, I've signed chairs
that I've got whacked in the head with
that had just had my blood smattered all over 'em
and signed it, and they'll auction them off
and get a lot of money.
And people, they don't, they don't clean the blood off?
They keep the blood on?
No, that's the, that's the thrill.
Blood actually makes it worth more.
My blood sells for a lot. Have you ever like,
if you're hard up,
would you just ever like, get like 10 chairs ahead of you
and just like, you know?
Like jab myself in the head?
And try to get a couple of bucks, yeah.
(all laugh)
You always have that to fall back on.
You know what's really weird is that
I'm just, you can't help but notice,
your arm is like my leg, you know?
It's, and no, actually it's not.
(all laugh)
This is my leg right here.
That part is my leg.
That's the only thing I recognize on you as my anatomy.
Is that more like your torso?
What is it?
Can you get implants that do that?
I would just, oh, look at that.
There's like a, it's like there's a little,
it's like there's a person in there.
It's like you have a, you hire a dwarf to push up.
No?
Easy.
I am some whoop ass you do not want to open.
That's what you don't wanna mess with me.
Seriously, seriously, you don't!
I think you know, because--
I can only imagine.
Because people don't know this, people on TV.
I play this guy, (whimpers)
got my little tie and stuff.
But when, I don't even take my clothes off
when the show's over, I flex, and they fly off.
[Triple H] You just shred them.
I walk out when a show's over and I go ugh,
like that, woosh!
And I'm completely naked.
And I walk the halls.
That is a talent to have.
Yeah, well.
I've never been so full of crap
as I am tonight on this show.
Now, one thing I wanted to ask you, is you're very,
very good at just sort of generating
that anger and that hatred and that mean look out there.
Do you ever after a really, really tough match is over,
do you ever go back, you know,
back into the dressing room
and actually hang out with the guy
that you've been beating on for the last 20 minutes?
Half hour?
Yeah, I mean, sometimes, you know,
I mean, what we do, you know, guys get along,
some guys don't get along and, and you know,
there's a, it's kind of the honor among thieves thing.
We'll kind of hang around afterwards
and tell each other how great we were, you know?
And, uh.
It's the same in the talk show world.
I'm sure you do it in the back, yeah.
Oh yeah, I go back there.
Leno's back there.
Ah, you're pretty good tonight.
Yeah, I was good.
Your chin looked great!
But there was actually, just a little while ago,
a funny story is I was at Madison Square Garden.
We had a pay per view there called the Royal Rumble
and I fought Mick Foley.
[Conan] Right.
Actually, Cactus Jack, he's been on here before.
[Conan] Yes, he's been here.
And it was a particularly violent match.
It was a street fight, my--
You guys are like hitting each other with chains,
chairs, barbed wire.
We went at it with everything.
We had a two by fours covered in barbed wire.
There were 20,000 thumbtacks in the ring.
I mean, we did--
What a wonderful sport.
Yeah.
I got a hole punctured in my leg.
And, so anyways, after the match is over,
I've got stitches in my leg, stitches in my head.
I've got, I look like a spirit of 76, like the drum player,
the big bandage around my head.
Mick Foley's back there, same thing.
He's all bandaged up, and Vince McMahon's back there.
And we're all standing around laughing and talking.
And I look over and there's my mother
bawling her eyes out in the doorway
because she just watched her baby son get torn apart on,
right in front of her eyes, about three rows back, you know.
(audience aww's)
Wait no, that, that saps him of his strength.
Sympathy will take away his power, only booing.
So as a true heal, I just yelled at her and then--
[Conan] Yeah, boo, yeah.
Kicked her and we were out of there.
(all laughing)
Yeah, hey, I like,
I like how you thought people were gonna boo you
kicking your mom, but our crowd's like, aww (applauds).
You know it.
Yeah, that is a New York crowd.
Well, the Summer Slam is on August 27th
on pay per view and Triple H, very nice to have you here.
Nice, thank you very much.