What do you imagine a narcissist's profile would look like on a dating site?.
This fascinating question was sent to me by one of our fellow survivors.
Well,
that's exactly what we're talking about today at QueenBeeing.com. Exactly what to look for and how to
recognize a narcissist on a dating site.
So let's get started. (Closed captioning provided by Athena Moberg and
CPTSDfoundation.org). My Angie Atkinson and on this channel
I offer free, daily video coaching to help you discover, understand and overcome
narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships. I like to call it toxic relationship rehab. So if that sounds good to you,
hit that subscribe button and let's get going.
If someone writes in their dating profile that they won't ever tell a lie, or that they never do things
they think are wrong or that they are the nicest person they know in real life or anything like that,
I want you to recognize that that's a really weird thing to say about yourself, especially in your first introduction,
but why do they say things like that? Well, they say them because those are their biggest insecurities,
so they're going to lie about them. They may also exaggerate their situation.
They might say I live in a really rich neighborhood when really, you know
they have a decent house in a decent neighborhood or
they'll take a picture of themselves next to a really fancy car, an expensive car that they don't own or they'll claim to be religious
or they'll claim they want families or they'll claim they want children. They'll claim
they want a long-term relationship when really they just want to hook up.
Anything they could say to make you think that they are the person you're looking for so they can get your attention.
Then look at their photos, their photos are gonna be very telling because not only will they be beautiful and amazing,
but they will also show this amazing fun,
sporty, healthy, wealthy
person who loves people, who doesn't have any fear. Someone who's really a lot of fun and even a little bit down-to-earth,
even though they're so sophisticated and amazing.
They'll prove this by having at least one photo where they're kind of making a funny face or sticking their tongue out or crossing their
eyes, but of course that will also be beautiful, incredibly posed.
They may also include kind of vague qualities about themselves,
like I love to travel or oh,
I love animals or I'm a techie, stuff like that or I'm athletic or I'm a foodie and in reality
they love to travel next door to their neighbor's house.
They like animals, but mostly as wearables.
They love tech,
as in they have a cellphone where they used to text everyone and of course to contact you on this amazing dating site and their
athletics mostly include running around trying to date a bunch of different people at one time
to keep their options open and even if what they actually like is cool,
they'll hide it because they're going to be afraid that you might reject them for their real personality. Then they have a lot of self
compliments that sound kind of humble. They'll say things like, my friends say whoever I end up with will be
lucky or my friends tell me I am
so full of love or my friends say I'm just the most amazing person on the whole planet and that you should fall in love
with me or something like that. What they're actually saying is I'm a love bomber.
What's interesting is on a dating profile a narcissist will often say they're not into looks and you know,
what matters to them is intelligent conversation, but obviously this is another lie and you may not get a written
explanation of that, but by looking at the other people in the photos that the narcissist posts, you will get a good idea because they're
all going to be gorgeous and apparently rich.
Bottom line, the profile of a narcissist on social media will obviously look perfect to you, part of the reason for that is because
it's leaving plenty of room for you to kind of fill in the blanks with your own
desires, your own ones. Now don't get me wrong,
most people who are on dating sites want to kind of put their best foot forward, syou are gonna find profiles
similar to this that aren't from people who have narcissistic personality disorder.
This is a thing that you have to remember, the biggest red flag of course,is going to be how they speak to you,
what they say to you when you're actually connecting. When you first connect, if you're getting daily text messages, constant
admiration, if they're putting you up on a pedestal and acting like you're the best thing since sliced bread when they just met you, you
need to know that that's a big red flag and you need to be very, very careful.
Remember that a narcissist is always going to describe him or herself
unrealistically, that's partially because they see themselves that way and partially because that's how they want you to see them, even if they do have
an understanding of who they really are, which they usually don't, they will shamelessly deceive you online without remorse.
Most people who engage in catfishing probably also have narcissistic tendencies.
Remember too that true narcissists aren't as dynamic as they may seem in their profiles and a lot of times
like I said
you can kind of figure even during the first phone call by looking at how many times they talk about
themselves versus the amount of questions they ask about what you like or don't like.
So you need to have kind of a true balance here, because on the one side you don't want somebody who only talks about themselves,
that's an obvious sign of a narcissist on the flipside,
you don't want somebody who says nothing about themselves because that's someone who might be very dangerous.
It could be a narcissist who's listening to figure out what it is that
brought you to this point so that they can save that stuff up and use it later
against you in a relationship, if that happens. So what does all that look like in an actual profile?, take a look.
I am the hardest-working person I know. I'm smart. I'm positive, determined, loyal, thankful,
silly and I even have a wild streak here and there we all have life stories, right?
I enjoy life, even if it has ups and downs. Instead of focusing on what sucks in my life,
I like to focus on how things are going. What are the solutions to my problems?, not what are my problems?,
that's because I know now that the challenges that are in my life and everybody's life are really just
opportunities for growth and you know what?, I am even smarter and better and more amazing because of all of this experience.
I know that anything I want to do I can do especially if I have faith and
persistence and patience, it always pays off. Isn't life just about living and not just existing? My friends tell me I'm the best friend
they've ever had and my family members say that I'm the most amazing person. they've ever known and you know what?,
I'm so grateful for that. Who am I looking for?,
Oh just someone who appreciates both the amazing things and the simple things about me.
I mean life, someone who understands that there's really something
extraordinary right in front of their eyes, even if it looks ordinary, you know
what else?, I would love someone who just wants to get along, who doesn't fight, who doesn't complain,
someone who has the same interests as me, the same values and morals and ethics,
someone who knows how to treat someone. I want a partner who
understands what it takes to make a relationship work the right way.
You know what?,
you really do have to put in a hundred percent if you're gonna keep it going and you know what else?,
I really enjoy good sex, but only passionate monogamous sex.
Did I mention I'm a Christian and a person who's really the most
open honest person you've ever met and hey, I can listen all day long.
Yeah, I'm looking for someone who wants to listen to me,
I'm looking for someone whose smile makes me smile. Someone who is my biggest fan, my loudest cheerleader
and I can't wait to have them standing right behind me, I mean beside me in challenging times and holding their head up high.
I'm just a decent person looking for another decent person. I'm nice to everyone I meet. I'm very sensitive.
I have low self esteem,
but I really care about people and sometimes I even don't take care of myself to take care of other people.
I'm looking for the love of my life. I have so much integrity and empathy
I'm sincere. You get the idea right?. Alright,
now this brings me to the question of the day and the question of the day is;
Have you ever run into a narcissist on a dating site? How did it work out for you
and do you have any tips to share to help other people avoid narcissists on dating sites?.
Share your thoughts, share your ideas, share your experiences in the comments section below and let's talk about it.
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