today we're talking about something that
has been requested a lot and that is how
to deal with an alcoholic parent if
you're wondering what alcoholism is and
how it's diagnosed you can click over
here and check out my video about that
and that'll give you a better idea of
kind of what we're looking for
clinically but I've heard from many of
you that you are struggling to deal with
an alcoholic parent and I know at times
it can feel like it's a family secret
something we can never talk about it can
be terrible really sad it can even be
scary and many times embarrassing the
truth about it is the longer we keep
this secret that mom or dad is drinking
too much the more power that secret has
over us and many of my clients find
themselves spending almost all of their
time trying to hide this trying to make
sure no one knows and then it's so much
that it can take over your entire life
the good news is that there are tons of
treatment options and support available
the first and the one I want to talk to
the most about is al-anon I know not
everyone likes AAA or their whole 12
steps but al-anon can be so healing for
a family member who's dealing with an
alcoholic parent or an alcoholic sibling
the best thing about all Anand is that
first there's no cross talk what that
means is when you go to an al-anon
meeting if you share your story no one
can comment on your story or your
situation so you're safe to just express
what's going on share your process share
what you think about it and know that
then it's done and you get to listen to
other people do the same and the thing
about it is because an alcoholic family
is like I was talking about before we
don't talk about the alcoholism and we
try to keep it hidden and we're
embarrassed about it
al-anon can be so great because you
finally get to hear everyone else's
stories and realize that what you're
going through and thinking and feeling
isn't weird isn't embarrassing and
you're not alone with it another great
support our friends and family I know
that many of you are like I can't talk
to them about that but start the
conversation as long as you feel that
it's safe and there aren't gonna be any
dangerous ramifications to speaking up
about it
start talking little by little whatever
you're comfortable with the more that we
share about it and the more that we
express what we're going through and how
their alcoholism is affecting us the
less it's actually affecting us because
we actually have a healthy
but to talk about it gets to get the
support we need and know that we're not
alone another way to get support is
therapy yay because it gives us a safe
and happy healthy place to talk about
all the [ __ ] we're feeling everything
from anger to embarrassment to
everything in between a lot of times we
don't have a place like I've given you
those other options but maybe friends
and family just isn't a place that we
can talk about it and getting into
therapy even if it's a school counsellor
or whatever resources are available
getting into that being able to talk
about it in a real healthy way can help
us process through and feel better if
there's one thing that you get out of
this video I want that to be that it's
not your fault
we need to take the responsibility and
blame off of the family that's what we
learned as clinicians when we're
learning about how to manage alcoholic
families is to help you as a family
member understand that it's not up to
you to pour out their alcohol or keep
alcohol out of the house or count their
drinks or make sure that they don't
drive drunk none of that is your
responsibility the responsibility lies
on them and it's up to them to get the
help that they need some things that we
can do to help us better manage this
because I know it's difficult and I know
we often don't even realize some of the
things that we're doing it could be
enabling their behavior but the one
thing that I would encourage you to do
right now is start setting healthy
boundaries
make sure these boundaries feel good to
you earng are supported by your
therapist you can limit the amount of
time that you spend with them or the
situations with which you spend time
with them any number of things make sure
that you feel in control of the amount
of time and energy that you put into
that relationship another thing we can
do is supporting them getting help
obviously we can't force them we can't
push them into treatment but we can
support their positive decisions and
choices to better their life and lastly
understanding that alcoholism is an
illness and that doesn't mean that they
don't love you that's one of the hardest
things for family members of people who
are alcoholics to understand they're not
doing this to hurt you
they're not doing this because they're
so angry and upset and it's nothing it's
not your fault you haven't done anything
alcoholism is an illness and it's
something that needs to be treated so
protecting yourself and setting healthy
boundaries as well as supporting their
positive decisions will in the end get
you out of this nasty situation and help
you
feel sane and safe as always I hope you
found this helpful
I know that there are so many topics
within the alcoholism realm that we
could talk about so if you want more
about this give it a thumbs up and let
me know what else you'd like me to talk
about because I know this is just a
start but it's important that we open
the conversation so that those of you
out there who are struggling and have a
family member who's struggling you know
that there's help available and you know
most importantly that you're not alone
okay I'll put some resources in the
description as well so you know how to
find your local al-anon group if that's
something that you're interested in or
AAA or any or any of those things but
most importantly it's not your fault
you're not to blame all we have to do is
start working on ourselves and
protecting ourselves and supporting the
positive decision decisions that the
person who's struggling maybe making
okay I love you all I hope you found
this helpful I'll link over to other
videos about alcoholism and stuff like
that so you can watch more and learn
more and I will see you next time right