[Disclaimer read by Dr. Briefs]
[Please keep these captions clean for those who need them. Funny extras can be added to the English (Canada) subs. Thank you!]
"ANDROID" 17: Alright, sis. Since you had all the fun last time, why don't you sit this one out?
"ANDROID" 18: Already on it. I'll just hang out with Sixteen over here.
ANDROID 16: I have spotted a pelican.
So majesti--
[Pelican squawks]
So majes--
[Pelican squawks]
Majes--
[Pelican squawks]
That is a big bird.
17: Now, are you trying to buy time? Or are you just looking to throw your life away?
Because if I remember correctly...
[Flashback] [Piccolo groans in pain]
...this did *not* go well for you last time.
PICCOLO: Oh, I'm not the same Namekian you faced before.
17: Oh. Oh shit, are you talking metaphorically?
Because if not, I'm gonna start feelin' like a racist, because you look *exactly* the same.
PICCOLO: HraaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAA!!
[Piccolo's yell becomes distant and fades out]
GOKU: Huh. I'm feeling a whole lotta Piccolo right now. Either he's showing off...
GOHAN: Or he's fighting an Android! We have to go help him!
GOKU: No, Gohan! We have to wait for Vegeta and Trunks to come out of the Hypertonic Lion Tamer!
MR. POPO [off-screen]: That one was on purpose!
GOKU: Coulda been.
GOHAN: Well, how long do we have left?
MR. POPO: Four hours.
GOHAN: We've been here for twenty hours!? When!? I mean, how!?
GOKU: That's what makes it hyper-sonic, Gohan!
MR. POPO: Goku?
GOKU: Yeah-huh?
[Impact!]
GOKU: EEEEEEEEEEeeee...!!
[♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫]
♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫
♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫ (With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)
♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫ (Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)
♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫
PICCOLO: ...AAAAAAA...!!!
17 [o-s]: Man, he has been at this for, like, twenty hours.
16: It has been five minutes.
17: S'called "hyperbole", big guy. Also, I can't sense power levels. What's goin' on over there?
16: Dodge.
17: Dodge wh--?
17: Ah! Y'know, Sixteen, yelling "dodge" is more distracting than helpful!
16: He has fused with Kami!
17: Kami? Wh--
Seriously, what the hell's a "Kami"?
PICCOLO: It means "God".
Now, bow.
DOCTOR BRIEFS: Aww, there's my sweet little half-breed grand-baby.
So, how's the detonator coming along?
BULMA: It's coming. But did you look at Dr. Gero's notes?
As it turns out, he only attributes model numbers to his successful projects.
The crazy bastard was kidnapping dozens of orphaned teenagers and experimenting on them!
DR. BRIEFS: Oh, come now, ya can't kidnap an orphan. They weren't wanted in the first place.
As a side, that's kinda brilliant.
BULMA: Interesting that he set explosives in their chests like this, though.
Must've been a fail-safe, for in case they went rogue.
DR. BRIEFS: Dooh, he does that to strangers and it's fine; but I want to do it to my own children, and your mother gets all uppity!
BULMA: *Dad*, any more talk like that and you don't get to hold Trunks anymore.
DR. BRIEFS: Hmph!
[quietly] Wouldn't be talking so mighty if you had a bomb in your chest...
17: Too bad, Jolly Green Giant™. Looks like ya missed. Try again for a zeni?
PICCOLO: Raaaah!
17: (Humming nonchalantly)
Umm, I stopped dodging. Seriously, are you even trying to hit me?
PICCOLO: NO!
17: The hell do you mean, "no"?
Uh!?
Oh.
Ooooohh...
ooooh...
shit.
PICCOLO: HELLZONE GRENADE!
17: 'Oh, man! It's even got a cool name!'
17: You know something I don't get? PICCOLO: !?
17: YOU try to kill Goku and that's fine. WE try to kill Goku and suddenly, you get all uppity.
PICCOLO: True. But when I did it, it was for revenge. You're just doing it for shits and giggles.
17: Tell you what:
You live a few years in stasis with your creator repeating the words "Kill Goku" over and over again in your subconscious...
then you can ride that high horse all day long.
PICCOLO: ...Wow.
17: What?
PICCOLO: Nothing, just...
nostalgia.
KRILLIN: Man, that is some *serious* power being thrown around.
TIEN: Dammit! We shouldn't just sit here like a bunch of cowards! We need to help!
YAMCHA: And do what - get ragdolled again!? No, thank you.
TIEN: Of course *you'd* say that.
KRILLIN: Hey, he's actually got a point.
I mean, between the Super Saiyans, the Super Namekian, the Androids and whatever the hell Cell is...
TIEN: Oh, don't *you* start!
KRILLIN: Hey! I was on Namek, okay!? Shit got crazy! I got stabbed! And BLOWN UP!
YAMCHA: I've been stabbed and blown up, too! And dumped by the only girlfriend I ever had!
KRILLIN: Same. But ya know the difference?
When mine left, she took all my money.
When yours left, she took all *her* money.
[Ambient noise]
MASTER ROSHI: ...Gonna need a Senzu for that one.
17: Not that his hasn't been fun and all, but I'm going to give you one last chance to tell us where Goku is.
Or I'm going to have to start taking this seriously.
PICCOLO: Be a nice change of pace.
17: (Sigh)
Hi.
PICCOLO: Uuuh, hi--
NAIL: 'Why are you back-flipping?'
PICCOLO: 'To gain some distance!'
KAMI: 'YOU CAN FLY!'
PICCOLO: Hraagh!! 17: Hn!
GOHAN: Dad? Do you think Piccolo can win?
GOKU: No.
But maybe...
Then again...
Although...
GOHAN: Why do you keep stopping short?
GOKU: Oh, I'm sorry, Gohan, w-were you saying something?
BABY TRUNKS: (Crying throughout) BULMA: I said, "the detonator's almost finished"!
DR. BRIEFS: Sorry, hard to hear you over the baby. He sure does cry a lot.
Do you think he gets that from his monkey side?
BULMA: Dad! No racism in front of Trunks!
DR. BRIEFS: Oh, come on, I'm using "monkey" unironically, here. D'I-I mean, mostly.
Half-and-half.
...Kinda like the baby!
YAJIROBE: Y'know, it's kinda hard to enjoy my meal with yer brat screaming.
DR. BRIEFS: Where did you get that food?! You've already cleared out our kitchens!
YAJIROBE: Not the fridge in the basement.
DR. BRIEFS: I don't HAVE a fridge in my...
Oh, my God (!)
BULMA: Done!
We effectively have a detonator for the Androids.
"Bulma: Kills 'droids dead."
Now, if you'll excuse me...
YAJIROBE [o-s]: Wait, are you breastfeeding?
BULMA: Yeah. Why?
YAJIROBE [o-s]: ...Awesome!
PICCOLO: (Yelling) 17: (Yelling)
PICCOLO: (Still yelling) 17: (Still yelling)
18: Ugh, my God! This is so dumb! This cannot get any dumber.
16: Agreed. Sure is a lot of not-killing Goku going on right now.
You know what would fix that?
18: Is it "killing Goku"--?
16: A good old rousing round of killing Goku.
YAMCHA [o-s]: Yeah!? W-w-well at least I *slept* with Bulma!
KRILLIN [o-s]: Yeah? Well, unlike Vegeta, *you can't prove it*!
YAMCHA: Can, too! W-we'll just ask her!
CHI-CHI: Bulma's on the phone!
YAMCHA: On second thought, never mind.
TIEN: 'You know, in hindsight, I'm so glad I'm here right now.'
KRILLIN: Krill-Master speaking!
DR. BRIEFS [via phone]: I will murder you!!
KRILLIN: Whoa, hostile!
BULMA: Never mind that. Listen, I have the detonator for the Androids.
KRILLIN: Wow, that was quick!
BULMA [vp]: Twenty-two hours isn't quick!
KRILLIN: TWENTY-TWO HOURS!? WHEN!? I-I MEAN, HOW!?
How long did we sleep!?!
BULMA: Look, I'm on my way over; try not to die in the meantime.
[Bulma hangs up]
KRILLIN: Alright, so where were we?
18: I was wrong!
This got so much dumber.
17 [o-s]: Dammit, green man. You are hard to put down.
PICCOLO [o-s]: Yeah. Not gonna lie. Actually beginning to enjoy myself here.
NAIL: 'Uh, man? We have a problem!'
PICCOLO: 'Yeah, I know, I'm bluffing. I'm kind of at my limit.'
KAMI: 'No, *another* problem.'
PICCOLO: 'What, the other Androids?'
NAIL: 'No, another, 'NOTHER problem!'
PICCOLO: 'What? I...'
PICCOLO: 'What? I... (gasps)... oh.'
17: What the f*ck is *that*!?
IMPERFECT CELL: Hello, boys.
Room for one mooore?
[♫ Closing theme (DBZ intermission) ♫]
[Yajirobe running]
DR. BRIEFS [o-s]: You run pretty good for a fat man!
YAJIROBE [o-s]: Why're you so mad!? They weren't even that good!
DR. BRIEFS [o-s]: Most of those weren't even meant to be *eaten* that way!