In 1986 at two o'clock in the morning,
my wife asked for an ambulance.
It took her to Western General Hospital, they took a lumbar puncture
and diagnosed that there was a bleed. Subsequent to that she had a stroke.
The aneurysm occurred right out of the blue and there was no warning,
there was no preparation at all.
Once all the intense emotions have passed, you'll probably get to a calmer phase,
where you can just deal with what you're going through
one thing at a time.
As a counsellor or a therapist, I'm very much part of a bigger team,
that helps you deal with your new situation and I'm really here to help you work through
your emotions and your feelings and to help you adjust psychologically.
It's not that you're going crazy or there's something wrong with you.
So it's really important to take that stigma out.
Psychological issues have a very big impact on,
for example, chronic pain. Feeling bad about things
can make that pain worse and having a counsellor to help you
work through your issues can even help to alleviate
more physical type things as well.
How's it going? OK. I'll finish it.
Because I'm right handed, and the stroke affected me on the right side,
I get blisters and I don't realise it until it's too late.
So I always injure myself some way, whether it's cooking, or pruning,
or cutting something. You know, there's blood or blisters and I
think 'Well, where's that come from?'
Trying not to disempower a person, in this case Gina,
is a difficult situation because you don't want to take over...
but you don't want to see that person hurt at the same time.
So, what I try to do is make sure that you ask a question,
but not just take it away from that person. It's a different sort of set of relationships now.
So if you're in a relationship, it's also going to be a shock
for your partner because that person is going to have adjust to the
new changes as well, and that person might have some strong feelings
and some grief, and some re-evaluations and adjustments
to make themselves. During that period, that person, your partner
may not be as available to you as somebody to really kind of talk to
and offload your feelings on. And that can be hard, that can create a
lot of tension in the relationship because you may be feeling like
they don't understand you. And that's where it's important to have
social support outside of just the relationship, and not to only depend on your relationship
for the help that you need.
Last Wednesday, I knew that when I first woke up in the morning,
it was going to be a pretty rough day. I was sitting at the dining room table one
day and I burst out crying.
Now for a man...[laughs] for a big man... for that to happen...
well it makes you realise that you need help, and people should go and get help.
I knew that he was suffering. But I knew that my place was to stay out of
it until Geoff said something.
I think that's important that you let the person who's
suffering make the first move if they need you.
Not everybody will automatically understand how you're feeling,
so a great way to let them know, is to start off your sentence by saying:
"I feel..." A lot of people when they have a feeling,
they kind of lash out, start an argument with someone,
but when you pause, you slow everything right down and say hang on a minute;
"I'm feeling angry" or "I'm feeling sad" and maybe you can have a very short
sentence in there about what it is that's making you feel that way.
"I'm feeling angry because... I can't walk to the car park anymore",
or "I'm feeling sad, because I'm having a bad day
today and I don't have much energy". So keep it very, very simple
and when you are very clear like that, the other person will understand that
you're having these feelings because it's your condition
and not because they've done something to upset you.
Having somebody to talk to, that is interested and
cares about how you are or are not managing with your condition and what it means
to your day to day life, is wonderful because it means that
you're getting another viewpoint. I've chosen to see a psychologist.
I was thinking that I was depending on people too much
and so we were working out what was too much, and what was the right amount,
and I think with a chronic condition you always intend to be independent, to your detriment.
I think it's important to be happy to even reach out for help.
I did. I even rang Samaritans once
but I needed it and they're there.
People are always there for you. It doesn't matter if it's on the end of a
phone, you know, but sometimes you just, you may have
your family there at night but you've got that day, all of a sudden,
something just makes you feel you're not going to cope.
You reach out for somebody.
The only person who's going to make your chronic condition better to live with is you.
So, if you can do whatever you can mentally as well
to give you a positive aspect of day to day life,
then I believe that you'll enjoy it more.
If you're feeling very stressed, then relaxation can help you to calm down.
So you can focus on things that are right here and now in the present moment.
It could be your breath. It could be your physical sensations.
It could be the sounds in the room. Whatever it is that you want to focus on,
allow that to take the space in your mind so that all of that worry and rumination
about the negative stuff, just... falls away.
So for example having a pet is a really good way of relaxing
because when you're stroking your pet, be it a cat or a dog,
you're really focusing on that pet, and the rate of their breathing is
helping to calm you right down.
I have my dogs, which I do pet therapy with, and they actually give me that extra attention
that I might need. When I walk in the door and I've had a bad
day or I can hardly move, I can sit in a chair
and because my dogs are trained with pet therapy, they'll climb up and give you a cuddle.
Good morning everyone.
[Group] Good morning Geoff.
Welcome to our S.W.I.L.S. As usual with our meetings,
we start off with our 'breathe easy'. Put your hand on your stomach,
we take a deep breath through the nose... in... and hold
and then breathe out. Blow, purse your lips, blow... [breathes out]
Because the more air you can get out
on the exhalation means you're getting rid of all that stale
air in the bottom of your lungs.
It's interesting that you mention smoke, Geoff, because...
Our group is only a small group but we have a core group
that comes to every one of our meetings. I get a lot of pleasure out of being the convenor.
Well, four years ago I was having problems with breathing.
I was frustrated, I was angry,
because I couldn't do things that I used to and for no reason I'd blow my top.
I just didn't have any control I could be as good as gold,
and then I'd just blow up. The information was there,
but I didn't know how to access it. And this is what I'm trying
to get through to our group, I'm supplying them with the information
that these things are available.
If you have a partner, involving him or her in the support group can be extremely valuable
in them understanding the challenges, and also providing you with more support.
Ivy and myself have gone to different classes which can last up to six weeks, for one
day a week and out of those classes
we've found, well I have found, that I can control my frustration,
anger, and "Why is it me?", I can control that better.
And I think our life has improved, our own life between us has improved
in the last 12 months. Go and get help/
Don't say "I can work through it" because there's that much help out there now,
that it doesn't matter what sort of condition you've
got there is some help,
somewhere that you can get.
Sometimes you bottle it up, and you think
it becomes almost consuming. It is important to reach out
and sometimes if it's really feeling bad it's important to reach out for somebody
who's not your family who's not involved, who's not close
that can be objective, and say "It's OK" .
Hi Jan, how're you going?
Oh hi Merle, I'm not too bad.
Aren't you feeling very well?
No, I'm not a hundred love.
Oh darling I bought you some stuff over...
Without the support of other people we cannot exist.
We think we can, we don't think we need it but we do.
It's great having somebody there. It is.
Knowing there's somebody, and particularly somebody who's got a problem as well
they understand where you're coming from.
I've always known that having a support network is important.
It's not until recently that I've actually had to put effort into getting a support network.
Now I live by myself. I've got parents, one's passed away, but the other one has
dementia so I don't have support from them so I rely mainly on my sister and a friend.
And it was probably quite important that I actually
sat down with both of them a couple of years ago
and actually said "This is what's important to me".
To keep my mind busy after work, leaving work I've actually decided
to go on committees as well as have a activity and things that
I enjoy all different ones that actually gave me
different people from different walks of life to spend time with
and now that's turned out that they're my support people as well.
I was lucky that I was brought up with parents that encouraged volunteer work.
And I've learnt that volunteering can actually fill that void that's sometimes with you.
It gives you a friend to talk to sometimes when you need.
It makes you feel needed and wanted and it gives you a level of independence
that you can actually choose what volunteer work
you want to do, what hours you want to do and actually do something for someone else.
I have a full life. I am a volunteer,
so I'm going to do as much as I can because when the day comes, I can say
"Well, I've been there, done that".
I've been spinning for close on thirty-five years
everyone brings either their knitting, or wheels
and you go around, and even if you don't know the person, you have a chat.
It becomes a therapy, but you don't call it a therapy.
It becomes a passion, which gives you the therapy.
As you spin you get into a rhythm, and it's the rhythm of your heartbeat.
I actually go to Bali quite often. I go up into the hills and
work with disabled Balinese up there and I absolutely love it,
except that I was scared of flying. So therefore I decided that by
hopping in a little plane and jumping out of it
would help my fright of flying. So I actually went to the skydiving class,
they actually worked really gently with me because the thing is
that I'd had one hip replacement and I was about to have the second done.
But they were very good, they made sure that basically
I had a taller person to meet me, and my feet didn't hit the ground
and it was great. I've got photos of it, and every time
it's just something that I look at and I think "I did that".
I love travelling, and so I'm doing it while I can.
I'm going to New Zealand to see snow and I'm so looking forward to it.
I don't travel without a USB with my health conditions on it.
If I don't have my records where people can get them
it's going to be very hard for everybody to know what I've got.
But travelling is just so wonderful, and it's lovely to be able to do it.