Hi guys welcome back and welcome to another mindful motherhood Monday video
I do these every Monday here on my channel at 7 p.m. so please do subscribe
and stick around to see some more of these and today's video is all about
saying no to your children do you struggle to save go to your kids
I struggle so so much to say no and not just to deny them things but to say the
word no I think I use every possible words that I can think of instead of no
things like in a minute not right now I'll do it later wait a second and all
these combinations and these things that we say we mean to say no but we're
really not quite wanting to say the word no to them also let me know what other
words you use instead of no because I'd be interested to know if you use the
same ones and as me or if you have different ones that you use but yeah I
was thinking about this topic the other day and it got me thinking why do I
struggle so much and is that a good thing for my children or not is this
something that I could change in order to kind of you know be a better parent
to be more conscious and more mindful of how my words are affecting my children
so I wanted to discuss this topic with you guys and I want this to be really
interactive if you could leave any comments below any kind of thoughts on
this subjects that would be absolutely great so I'm gonna start by talking
about my own inability to say no to my children obviously unless it's something
really dangerous or an unfair situation or it's gonna hurt someone else I have
no problem saying no say you know to these situations it's every other
situation that I struggle say you know like no to playing with them when I'm
like doing something around the house and the way that saying no to my
children makes me feel it makes me feel like a mean mother
like I can't be bothered to do things for them which obviously I know it's not
true but that's how it makes me feel like that no when I say
no it just feels so final and almost like I do I keep questioning myself in
thinking could I have done it could I have said yes and then that's probably
the reason why I say not right now in a minute wait a second because deep inside
I feel like I can still do it if only I could have the time to finish what I'm
doing or you know like for example a situation and tidying the house and my
children are asking me to come and play deep down I know that I can say yes to
that but at that very moment in time I need to finish what I'm doing and I have
to say a way of saying no without making me feel too bad about it which is why I
come up with all these different words I hate the feeling that I'm disappointing
them somehow but what good does it do to them hearing
all these words instead of no and that's what I've started questioning to myself
how is that any better than me saying a final no but isn't saying no part of
being an assertive parent and being an assertive parent is such an important
thing in our children's lives it helps to set healthy limits for them and it's
not being mean or authoritarian it's teaching them that not everything is
allowed that they can't have everything they want when they want it and that's a
skill that we have to teach them and one way to do it is by saying no and setting
boundaries and limits when I first became a mum I used to think that
everything could wait because my children are my priority their wants and
their needs come before everything else but I have changed and I feel like now I
have a much better understanding of what my role as a mum is if you're a
stay-at-home mum like me you know that there are things that we need to do on a
daily basis as much as we would like to play all day with our children and do
everything that they want the moment they want it we need to clean
the house we need to cook we need to tidy up we need to keep on top of things
and some things can wait but other things can't wait and it's at that
moment where I feel like saying is very important do you know when
you're really busy and your children keep asking you to do something for them
and you say in a minute in a minute and that 50th time that you say it you say
it kind of in anger and with a little bit of loss of patience
what I have found for me personally is that if I say one assertive no instead
of 50 in the minutes my children are way more likely to just
get on with something else obviously if it's something important I will do for
them straightaway but I'm talking about you know the constant asking them
questioning and wanting that we are more more than happy to do it if we can do it
so I feel like if I say one assertive no they will get on with something else
they will go and play happily it won't affect them in the slightest and I will
feel like I haven't lost my patience there are times when I say no and all
hell breaks loose but sometimes it works and those times I feel like it saves me
losing my patience or snapping at them for no reason at all simply by being an
assertive parent and I feel really bad when I just say no boy blank no no
reason so I tend to kind of say no I can't do this right now and leave it at
that even if they go why and keep asking
loads of questions I try not to engage in that because I've said that I can't
do it at that moment and they kind of just you know grumble a bit but get on
with whatever they want to do I have a little example of something that
happened yesterday I was in the middle of cooking dinner and my son wanted me
to go and build a train with him a train track and you know LEGO DUPLO kind of
thing and obviously I want to do that with him but I need to feed them and I
was making their dinner and I needed I couldn't leave the home I was cooking
something that was boiling anyway you get the gist and usually I would just go
up in a minute or bring it over here in the kitchen and
try and do both things and not do anything properly but I thought about it
and I said no mommy can't do it right now and he said but why mommy I said
because I'm cooking and he wasn't really happy he you know he was just like Oh
mommy but I want to play with you and I want to build a train track and
that was like hurting inside me so much because all I wanted to say was okay
I'll drop everything and I'll go and play with you but I knew that that was
important I needed to be assertive at that moment
so I just said no mommy can't play with you right now we'll play later and he
just got on with it he left when to play with something else
two seconds later he came over to me and said something to me and was laughing
and smiling and so I kind of felt bad for like a millisecond but I knew it was
the right thing to do if you have toddlers like me then I have a little
tip for you that might help you say no to children and getting help them get
the message because toddlers understand body language a lot more than actual
communication language sometimes I feel like when I say no or when I shout no
across a room it doesn't work and in fact sometimes it has the opposite
effect so I feel like when I use my body language to say no it's way more
effective with my children so a stern look or simple like murmurs or words
that you can say that they get the message or just a shake of the head or a
nod of the finger my children tend to get that a lot more than the word know
and and I have a little thing that I say with James when he's doing something
that he can't do I just go ah-ha-ha-ha-ha
and for some reason that gets him to stop more than if I say the word know so
I feel like he associates that with knowing that he's not allowed and it
helps me not overuse the word know which is something that I'm really conscious
of doing I really need that word to mean something to my children so when I say a
very big no to them it's usually like a dangerous situation or if they're doing
something that they were absolutely completely not allowed to do and so when
I use my it's my way of saying no without using that word no but they know
that it means they are not allowed to do it so now I want your view on this
subject how do you feel about saying no to your children do you find it easy do
you find it hard do you feel like you prefer saying all these words like not
right now in a moment in a minute then saying the word
no and how does it make you feel as a parent do you feel like you're being
assertive do you feel guilty do you feel how do you feel I would love for you to
comment below and let me know and share this video with your friends if you feel
like they might find it interesting as well if you have any thoughts on this
subject and you want to post it on social media about it please use the
hashtag mindful motherhood so I can find your post and I can read them and engage
with you and comment in your posts as well if you enjoyed this video please
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leave some videos linked below that you can watch after watching this one and
yeah I hope you're having a lovely day and I'll see you very soon bye