hey everybody i know i am always talking
about the importance of
boundaries in relationships but
something that i haven't really talked
about is just how hard it can be
to set them up not to mention upholding
them when someone pushes back or gets
upset many of you have told me how
scared you can be to even speak up for
yourself
or that after setting up some healthy
boundaries you struggle to not get them
walked all over again
and i get it it's difficult to do and it
takes a lot of strength and courage to
do this work
but trust me when i tell you it will be
worth it
and now before i jump into this topic i
want to share a few facts about covid19
as part of the better internet
initiative supported by the fellow
americans education fund
because i know there is still a lot of
confusion not to mention misinformation
out there
and that can make this already stressful
situation worse
it's my hope that by offering a few
helpful facts we can all be informed and
less scared or
overwhelmed now first let's talk about
the symptoms
if you didn't know the symptoms of
covid19 are fever or chills
cough shortness of breath or difficulty
breathing
fatigue muscle or body aches
headache new loss of taste or smell
sore throat congestion or runny nose
and nausea or vomiting and diarrhea
the virus is thought to spread mainly
from person to person
between people who are in close contact
with one another within about six feet
through respiratory droplets produced
when an infected person coughs
sneezes or talks these droplets can land
in the mouths or noses of people who are
nearby
and as for testing there are two kinds
of tests available for covid19
viral tests and antibody tests a viral
test tells you if you have a current
infection
an antibody test tells you if you had a
previous infection
as testing is becoming more widely
available it is recommended that
everyone who can
go get tested particularly anyone who
has been in a high
risk setting and just know that close
contact
less than six feet apart with someone
who could have covid19 for just
10 minutes is considered high risk
i hope those few facts help you better
understand what to look out for and how
to protect you and your loved ones from
covid19
and now back to boundaries and how we
can set them
up and just to make sure that we all
understand what boundaries are and why
they are important
boundaries are limits we place on our
relationships about what behavior we
will
and will not accept from other people
we can have emotional or physical
boundaries or both
we usually have both emotional ones
would be things like
how you'll allow someone to talk to you
or how much energy we're willing to put
into a relationship and physical
boundaries
have to do with how close we allow
people to get to us
like for instance i don't like it when
i'm in a crowded place and a man i do
not know or any person really
puts their hand on the small of my back
to get around me
it makes me really uncomfortable and i
hate it every time thinking about these
types of boundaries and what's best for
us is important
but i know i know you've told me the
hardest part is actually putting them
into words and sticking to them and
that's why today
i want to role play what it's like to
set up healthy boundaries and how we can
uphold them
even when someone gets defensive or mad
about it
and the example that i want to use is
when someone speaks to us in a hurtful
or condescending way how do we tell them
that it's not okay and not allow for
that behavior to happen to us again
i can't believe you would do something
so stupid
you're so dumb sometimes i can't even
believe that i'm friends with you
i'm gonna tell everyone about this and
how big of an idiot you were today
i know you're upset and yes i did make a
mistake
but it's not okay for you to talk to me
like that i would
never say something like that to you and
i would expect you to treat me with the
same level of respect
respect you don't offer me any respect
don't act all high and mighty on me now
i talk to everyone this way
and they've never complained about it
you're just being really really
sensitive
and you know who i am and that i like to
express myself this way so
you just have to get over it you know
that i don't speak to you the way you
speak to me
and i'm not getting all high and mighty
i'm just saying that i don't like being
called an idiot
or shouted at it makes it hard for me to
want to engage in conversations with you
or
even see you sometimes i hope we can
work through this and find a better way
to talk to one another so our
relationship can continue to grow
no one else seems to think this is a big
deal you're the only one
with a problem here i don't know why
you're taking a perfectly normal
conversation
and making it into an argument why do
you always want to argue with me
i'm not talking about how other people
respond to being yelled at or put down
i'm just saying that it's not okay to do
that with me
and i'm not trying to argue with you i
just want to be spoken to in a way
that's calm and understanding so that we
can have a conversation
instead of an argument i can't believe
you'd try and turn this around on me
after all i've done for you over the
years you are
so ungrateful and selfish maybe i don't
want to be friends with you
anymore i'm not trying to turn anything
around on you
all i'm saying is that i don't like
being yelled at or put down
that's not something that i'm okay with
and i hope you can understand why
if not maybe we won't be able to be
friends but i really hope we can figure
this out
i know that that example may have been a
bit more intense than most of our issues
with boundaries but what's important to
note is that no matter what jerk
katie said or did nice katie just
continued to affirm that it wasn't
personal
or any kind of fight she was just
stating that the way jerk katie spoke to
her
wasn't okay placing boundaries in our
relationships will most likely be
understood by the other person
we can hope right sure they may overstep
without realizing it but a quick
reminder will get them back on track
however when we try and place a boundary
with someone who is enmeshed with us
meaning they have no personal boundaries
at all and
don't really understand the need for
them or if they're a narcissist or toxic
in general
they can get angry and push back
aggressively and that's usually when we
give in
or possibly decide not to put any
boundaries in place at all because it's
just too stressful
but giving into someone's bad behavior
and not taking care of ourselves
isn't healthy and it won't lead to a
good or enjoyable relationship
and that's why it's important to have
conversations like these
no matter how uncomfortable they may
make us
stick to your boundary hear their side
respond to their issues and continue
stating
why that's not okay i know it's hard and
it can take time
but doing this not only improves our
relationships with others
but also the one that we have with
ourselves having healthy boundaries in
place can improve our confidence
help us get rid of some anxiety in our
lives and lead us to developing
fulfilling
loving relationships and know that it
may be helpful to practice what you want
to say beforehand
so that you're prepared in the moment
overall i hope you found this helpful
thank you so much for watching and i
will see you next time bye
[Music]
you