Are breakups always the end?
What if I told you that a break up could actually be the beginning?
If you follow my advice, it can help you build a better relationship with your ex than you
ever thought possible.
Hi, I’m Brad Browning, Youtube’s resident breakup expert and author of The Ex Factor
Guide.
I specialize in helping you get your ex back and stay with them for good.
I think that people are too quick to throw away a good thing.
If you agree, hit that like button and subscribe to my channel for more videos on how to reconnect
with your ex and build a healthier relationship.
So let’s dive into it.
Between the hurt feelings, the fighting and the fracturing of your relationship, how can
a breakup actually be a good thing?
How can you even hope to get a second chance after all you two have been through.
Well first off, you wouldn’t be the first person to make this happen.
Breakups actually aren’t the end for many relationships.
According to a 2013 study by Kansas State University, one in three couples who live
together have broken up and got back together.
That goes for even the worst breakups, including the 38% of people who break up due to infidelity.
And even better, over half of people aged 17-24 have returned to an ex after breaking
up.
So the idea that it’s shameful or short-sighted to get back with an ex is something that I
really want to push back against.
The truth is it happens all the time, even if people don’t always admit it.
Relationships are complicated and sometimes you feel like you’ve hit your limit but
after a little time and space, chances are you and your ex will realize that you’re
actually better off together.
So why exactly do couples reconcile after breaking up?
And how can breaking up help you stay together in the long run?
1.
Being apart makes you stronger
Independence is key to a happy relationship.
Often couples get into trouble, and then break up, because they rely too much on one other
for happiness.
The idea that you NEED your partner to be happy is not healthy because of the implication
that they’re responsible for your happiness.
So if you’re not happy all the time, they’re doing something wrong.
That’s a big burden for you and your partner to take on.
Now that you’re apart, you don’t have anyone to rely on other than yourself.
You’ll be forced to figure out how to be happy on your own, develop your life as one
person, and find your own interests and your own ways of coping with your struggles.
When you come back together you’ll have the reassurance that you don’t need them
to survive.
You’ll know that you’re together because you’re CHOOSING to spend your time with
them because you love and value them as a human being.
This may be less romantic than a song by Adele but it’s more sustainable and more healthy
in the long run, trust me.
She did get divorced after all.
2.
Breaking up can be the reality check you need
This pattern is pretty typical in a lot of relationships: you’re in love and things
are mostly great so when problems crop up, you just sweep them under the rug.
This works for awhile but as more issues crop up, the relationship slowly gets worse and
worse without you ever addressing it.
Eventually the good column is far outweighed by the bad column.
Then there’s a fight and the relationship reaches a crisis.
By now, there’s so much negative that the idea of overcoming this one final issue doesn’t
seem worth it so the relationship ends.
But a breakup (or the threat of a breakup) can give you the motivation you need to make
real change in the relationship.
It puts all the issues out on the table and you can no longer pretend they don’t exist.
If you do end up reconciling, you’ll both be aware of these problems and be motivated
to fix them.
3.
You’ll both see the downsides of being single
I think we can all agree that the single life is rough.
You’re expected to meet new people, constantly put yourself out there, and inevitably face
rejection and heartbreak from strangers.
And if you feel that way then chances are your ex does too.
Sometimes just taking this time apart can make you both realize that you were taking
each other for granted.
You’ll be much happier staying together than trying to build something new from scratch
yet again.
4.
It takes distance to get a realistic view of your relationship.
It’s not always easy to see what isn’t working in your relationship because you’re
too close.
But with some space, you can see it clear as day.
Think about your past relationships.
I bet you can look back now and see exactly why they didn’t work out.
You didn’t have enough in common, they didn’t treat you right, you wanted different things.
But at the time, everything seemed great, right?
This can be the same with your current relationship.
After a few weeks or months apart, you can objectively look at the relationship.
You can see what worked, and what didn’t and decide what needs to be addressed to make
the partnership work.
This distance is often enough to give you the perspective you need to turn the relationship
around.
I will caution you that it’s best to hold off on addressing these issues until the two
of you have properly reconnected and rebuilt trust.
More on that later.
5.
It changes the narrative
Relationships can get into ruts really easily.
It can actually be worse the closer and more connected you are.
Your lives get super in sync, you do everything together and things are great.
But soon you realize you always seem to do the same things, you’ve drifted apart from
your friends and you’re so entrenched in this routine that it’s hard to even think
of your life before the relationship.
A breakup will shake up your day-to-day life in a way that’s going to be uncomfortable
but ultimately beneficial.
Maybe you can’t hang out with your usual friends because they took your ex’s side
in the breakup?
Now you can catch up with other friends who you haven’t seen in forever.
Thursday night was date night?
Use that regular time you set aside to take a yoga class, see your family and enjoy some
of your newfound freedom.
These are all going to lead to big changes in your life and change is good when you’re
in a bad place.
If your relationship suffered because you were both bored, a breakup could be just what
you needed to realize this.
If you’ve gone through a break up and you’re wondering if your relationship is worth saving,
you need to take my free quiz.
Go to BreakupBrad.com/Quiz to see if things are beyond hope.
This tool has helped thousands of people figure out what their next step is after breaking
up.
It’s totally free, confidential and only takes five minutes.
That’s BreakupBrad.com/Quiz
6.
It can help you figure out what you want
Relationships can’t work if you don’t know your own needs.
This lack of clarity causes tension because neither person knows what’s expected.
Maybe you couldn’t rely on them and that caused resentment.
Maybe they were too clingy.
Maybe you didn’t show affection the way they needed it.
These are all things you need to sort out during your time apart.
Here are a few questions to think over during this time:
What do I not miss?
Did I take enough time for myself?
What’s something I expected from them that was unreasonable?
Was I fully invested in the relationship?
What do I miss about them?
How did they change my life?
Did I allow them to have freedom in the relationship?
Did I fulfill their needs?
Answering these questions can help you figure out what you’ll do differently when you
get back together.
Now let’s talk about how to get the most out of your breakup and maximize your chances
of winning them back.
This is the No Contact Method and it’s helped thousands of my clients win back their exes
in a short period of time.
It’s not easy but it is simple and if you can follow it then your ex will miss you like
crazy after only a few weeks.
First, cut contact with your ex.
You and your ex have broken up so act like it.
Set firm boundaries and stick to them.
Don’t keep hanging around together, calling them on the phone, or even texting.
It might seem like a big step to cut off contact but it’s going to help in the long run.
If they ended things but won’t leave you alone, cutting off contact will make them
realize that this is for real and that they’ll have to treat you better if they want a second
chance.
And if you’ve been begging and pleading or even just reaching out to them, you’ve
been hurting your chances without even knowing it, no matter how warmly they respond to you.
Next, try new things.
The No Contact period will leave you with a lot of time to yourself and you need to
use that time productively.
What are some things you didn’t or couldn’t do when you were together?
Maybe you always wanted to go hunting but you knew your ex wouldn’t approve.
Now’s the time.
Maybe you were too busy to get to the gym as often as you’d like when you were together.
This could be your chance to do that triathlon you’ve always wanted.
Maybe you wanted to travel the world but they couldn’t take time off work.
Get out there!
You’ve been stuck in a rut for awhile now so make a list of the things you want to do
and get out there and do them.
Improve yourself
If your ex wanted to end things before, are they going to want you back now that you spend
all day on the couch, elbow deep in a bag of chips?
This time is a gift.
Take stock of your life.
Ask yourself “How could it be better?” and then take action.
This could mean getting healthy, going to therapy, spending more time with your family,
or taking on more responsibility at work.
If you set goals and throw yourself into them, pretty soon you won’t be thinking about
your breakup.
This will also give you a huge boost of confidence to see tangible, positive changes in your
life.
And seeing you go for your dreams will impress your ex and make them wonder why they ever
wanted to break up.
Date New People
Dating may be the last thing you want to do right now but it’s going to help, trust
me.
Dating someone new will give you a chance to practice dating again, get some confidence
and relight that romantic spark that may have been missing towards the end of your relationship.
Plus, it doesn’t hurt that it will make your ex super jealous.
If you’re really struggling to get yourself to a place where you can put your ex out of
your mind and go on another date, consider getting some outside help.
I offer my services as a breakup coach over at BreakupBrad.com/Coaching.
I’ll listen to your side of the story and together we can put together a plan to make
the most of your No Contact period and win back your ex when it’s over.
That’s BreakupBrad.com/Coaching to see my current availability.
The truth is, whether you got dumped, broke up with them, and even if you’re just taking
a break from the relationship, you can’t waste your time pining for them.
Sure you miss them.
Sure, you feel horrible and you’re going to do everything in your power to fix this
but this time apart is happening whether you like it or not so you need to get something
out of it.
If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for your relationship.
The more you make the most of this time the better partner you’ll be when you’re back
together.
Alright, that does it for today.
Thanks for watching all the way to the end.
Breakups are hard but now you know how to make the most of it.
If you’ve got any more questions about how to bounce back from your breakup, please comment
below and I’ll do my best to help you.
Also, if you haven’t already, subscribe to my channel and look out for my next video.