Mat Boggs: Hey, Mat Boggs here.
Have you ever had that experience where you're taking massive action, like you feel a line,
you've got a vision for the relationship you want and you're working towards it and yet
nothing seems to be working?
I will often have a client ask me saying, "Mat, what else could I do?
What could I work on that I might not be seeing, that if work on this thing it would open up
the flow of love in my life?
I feel like I've got like a love block."
What do we mean by this term "love block"?
Well, that's the experience where you're taking action, you're doing everything that you know
you should be doing and it's almost like you have energetic cords holding you back like
you can't actually move forward.
Or you're taking action and you're met with this brick wall that you can't actually push
forward, you're not making any progress.
The worst part of it is when you see other people having results.
Someone who hasn't done as much work as you have, someone who hasn't studied as much as
you have, someone who hasn't taken nearly as much action as you have and they're experiencing
the results that you want and you feel that burn of envy in you.
We think, "You know what, there must be something missing here.
There must be some block that's preventing me from having the love that I want."
The question is: what is that block and how to discover it?
That's what we're gonna be talking about today in this video.
Here's the interesting thing about internal blocks.
You don't actually have to go looking for the block to discover it.
The first step in this is actually get interested in your dream, get interested in action, because
as you take massive action towards your dream your block is gonna come looking for you.
Your block is gonna raise its ugly head, get right in front of you and be the thing that
prevents you from moving forward.
If you have eyes to see and ears to listen to what this block is telling you.
Blocks are almost always some form of deep inner fear.
Fear that says that we're not enough and that if we're not enough we won't be loved.
Let's talk about one powerful form of fear or internal block that thwarts many people's
efforts to find love.
That is the block of shame.
It's feeling shame about something from your past.
Maybe feeling shame about something that you've done, or shame about something horrible that's
done to you, or feeling shamed about some flaw that you think you have in your body
or your physicality or something.
That block of shame can prevent us from having the love that we want in our life.
Now shame is very different than guilt.
Guilt says that you did something bad.
Shame is a bit more toxic.
Shame says that you are something bad.
Shame says that you are not enough.
Shame says that you are not lovable.
What shame wants us to do is shame wants us to isolate.
Shame wants us to hide.
Shame wants us to go in the darkness and fear of being discovered for what we feel shameful
about.
The challenge is, what this isolation does is this causes us to stop coming from our
heart, to stop coming from our true authenticity.
I read this great quote recently that said: "What comes from the heart enters the heart."
We're talking about really building a connection with somebody else, really building that intimacy
with somebody else.
When we've got shame going on in the recesses of our being, in the dark corners of ourselves,
I mean, you've got 90% of you feeling great but you've got this dark corner of shame going
on, it holds a part of you back and it holds a part of your energy back.
When you're not coming from your heart, when you're choosing safety over authenticity,
that's costing you not coming from your heart and it's costing you not entering the heart
of somebody else.
I love Brene Brown's work on shame.
She's actually one of the leading resources on shame, what it is and actually how to overcome
it.
Brene Brown writes: "Shame is the most powerful, master emotion.
It's the fear that we're not good enough.
Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change."
If we're not capable of change then therein lies the block, right?
Therein lies how we're stuck.
How do we shift shame?
What's the antidote to shame?
Well, the antidote to shame is actually a bit counterintuitive.
Because if shame wants us to isolate, shame wants us to hide, shame wants us to remain
in the darkness about that thing, because it says, "Look, if anyone finds out about
this," the thing you feel shameful about, "it's gonna cost you love.
They're not gonna accept you, they're not gonna love you.
You're gonna be rejected.
You're gonna be alone forever."
So therein lies the fear.
The very antidote to shame is connection.
The antidote to shame is to bring the thing we feel shameful about out into the lie and
actually to share it with somebody else.
Here's the key: you can't just share it with anybody.
You have to share this thing, your story, with somebody that loves you, honors you,
respects you, has compassion for you, and that will be a safe place to receive this
information.
This is very, very important.
You don't wanna take this lightly because the opposite is true, if you share your story
with the wrong person, someone who criticizes you and tells you, "Gosh, how could you do
that?"
or that puts you down or tries to cause you to feel bad about the thing that happened,
it can reinforce the shame and that old limiting belief of paradigm of, "See?
I told you you should tell this to anybody.
You should have kept this hidden.
Look what happened now."
That whole story will emerge.
But when you have a courage to share this with someone who loves you, who will be compassionate
towards, and who will hold this in confidence, in a safe place, it is a massively healing
process.
It will feel like there's a thousand pound boulder lifted from you and there's a whole
new amount of energy that you have access to when you clear that energy away.
Here's how Brene Brown talks about the process of actually sharing your story and what's
possible for you when you do.
She says: "Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives
running from it.
Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love
and belonging and joy, the experiences that make us the most vulnerable.
Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power
of our light."
Remember, what comes from heart enters the heart.
When you truly love yourself up enough to have the courage enough to share the story
with somebody else and you come from that place of vulnerability that opens your heart
up to another level of connection to enter the hearts of other people.
To support you with that, I know that can be really scary process and the thing that
helps us step into that is this foundation of self-love, so to support you in this, there's
a great exercise that I wanna share with you.
I'm gonna link it up right here in the video.
It's a self-love process.
You can click this link, there's a special training that I've done for you that will
give you a process for how to deepen your self-love.
You wanna know this: that love, belonging, worthiness and joy, those are things you have
to earn.
Those aren't even things that can be taken from you.
Those are your birthright, by means that you were born onto this world, by means that you
are a blessing on this world.
Those are your birthright and so all you have to do is claim them, share your story, and
move forward.
I would love to hear from you.
Shame being one of the blocks that tries to get in our way and prevents us from having
more love in our lives.
My question to you is: what blocks have you found that have tried to keep you from having
a love in your life and how did you overcome them?
Go ahead and post the comment in the comment section below.
I think this is gonna be a really powerful conversation this week that we have below
in the comment section so I encourage you to check that out and post for yourself.
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Thanks so much for watching and I'll see you soon.