So are you into social networking?
Because the Victorians sure were.
In fact, they saw their method of social networking as the basis on
which all of society was structured.
So exactly how did the Victorians go around building up their acquaintances?
And how important was it to have a social network?
Because unlike today, where having thousands of followers on Instagram...
actually might make you some money if you're one of those influencer
people, but back then, their social networks were even more important.
It involved who their children could marry, what jobs their
children could get and so much more.
Today, we're going to be going into the main method of social
networking, which was paying calls and leaving calling cards.
So let me know in the comments below, if you are a big social networker, and if you
would have enjoyed this Victorian method.
my name is Ellie Dashwood and this is my channel where I talk about
classic literature and history.
If you like either of those things, please subscribe.
So social calls and calling cards.
Today, we're going to be going over: What was a social call?
What was a calling card?
The basics of social calls, reasons you'd give social
calls and some basic etiquette.
So stick with me today and you will have a thorough knowledge of this
very proper social networking form.
Even though I'm going to be focusing on the etiquette of the Victorian Era social
call, I'm also going to be referencing different examples from literature
throughout all of the 18 hundreds, because while the finer details of maybe exactly
what time you'd go on a social call or how long you'd stay or where you put your
hat was different throughout the century.
The main, basic idea that you needed to go call on your neighbors like
this, was the same throughout.
So let's dive into this.
So first up, what was a social call?
Basically a social call was when somebody went and visited their
neighbors, friends, or acquaintances at their home for about 15 minutes.
And even though these calls were commonly referred to as morning calls,
they were all actually done in the afternoon, starting around 3:00 PM.
Because, you know, in the morning you're busy, sleeping and doing your hair.
I don't know.
You don't want people calling on you at 9:00 AM.
Now why would they do these calls?
Well, it was basically a way of creating a relationship and maintaining it.
So think of the first call on someone like we see this in Jane Austen's
Pride and Prejudice when Mrs.
Bennet is like, "Mr.
Bennet, you have to go and call on Mr.
Bingley so we can be friends with him!"
So that was like sending a friend request, right?
To the new person in town.
And then of course they have to call back on you within seven to 10 days to say,
"Yes, I also want to be your friend."
Like follow for follow, right?
Yeah.
But then the social calls had to keep continuing to
keep that relationship alive.
So you'd have to then go call on them and invite them to something.
They invite you to something to maintain this relationship.
And while obviously all this calling came naturally if you
were close friends with someone.
You'd be going and visiting them and they'd come and visit you.
But at this time it was really important to create this sort of relationship with a
wide range of people because in Victorian times nepotism was a thing, right?
Not just for your family members, but also for your friends and acquaintances.
So if your son was going into the military and you wanted him to get promotions, then
you better start calling on possibly the wives of high ranking commanders or other
people who might be able to pull some strings and get him a promotion quicker.
And this would of course requires social calls.
And especially to if during the Victorian marriage season, like I talk
about in my video, "The Victorian Era marriage season," then what mothers
and chaperones really wanted to do then was build out this wide network
to search for those eligible gentlemen and to build relationships with women
who were very high ranking that would give glamorous balls and parties.
So that after you called on them and they were drawing up their
next invitation list for their next ball, they would add you to it.
See how social networking was at the core of searching for mates for your children.
So this was the basis of calling on people, which was that you
would go and you would visit them for at the maximum 15 minutes.
You'd have some small talk.
And you maybe drink some refreshments if they offered them and then
you'd move on to the next person.
And you do this a few hours a day, possibly several days a week.
Now that was a social call.
Now you may have heard of something similar called a calling card.
So let's take a minute to talk about calling cards.
And then after we understand both calls and calling cards, we can
put them together to have this really nice overview of what this
actually looked like in practice.
So calling cards, basically, they were these little cards
that look like business cards.
They had a lady's name on them, printed very simply in the center and her
address in the lower left-hand corner.
They were very plain by the Victorian Era, even though they had been more
decorative earlier in the century.
And too, they were about the size of a business card.
Now a lady also carried calling cards for her husband that had
his name on them and his address.
And I'll explain that more in a little bit.
But basically a calling card was a social call but in paper form.
That is correct.
They managed to take a 15 minute awkward conversation and encapsulate
it in the size of a business card.
I mean, they were thinking.
Which honestly, you know, on social networks when you're
like, "Hi, I like this post."
Then that's what you're doing too.
It's like the cheap form of social interaction, right?
You're like, you hit the like button.
Which reminds me, if you would like to show your approbation
of this video, please gentley press the like button on it.
I see all these other YouTubers being like smash the like button and I'm
like, I can't really imagine telling you guys to smash the like button.
That just sounds weird.
Anyway, moving back onto calling cards.
So these calling cards were essentially a replacement for an actual call.
So for example, if you had someone call on you, but you were too sick to go and call
back on them, you would send a calling card on them within seven to 10 days.
And that would be showing that you still want to maintain the relationship.
But you just can't get to them right now.
Right?
And so, while it was seen as sort of a replacement to a call, it
wasn't worth the same as a call.
So think of it as maybe like worth 75% of an actual call.
If calls were currency, right?
It'd be like 75 cents on a dollar or something.
I don't know.
So let's just really quick talk about what these calling cards look like, because
they were actually incredibly simple and that was a sign of elegance and taste.
If you started having all these like swirlies and embellishments
on your cards, then that was a lack of refinement on your part.
So basically you'd have this business size card about three and a half inches
wide with the lady's name printed on it.
And of course the name would not be her given name, but it would be Mrs.
and then her last name.
So if Mrs Bennet was having cards made it would say Mrs.
Bennet.
Or as I talk about in the video, "Does Mr.
Darcy have a first name?"
When I go over the forms of address in the 18 hundreds, if a man had an
older brother, then he would be Mr.
First name, last name.
So his wife would be Mrs.
First name, last name.
So for example, when Catherine Morland marries Henry Tilney, she becomes Mrs.
Henry Tilney.
Because he already has an older brother.
And then you have her address in the lower left hand corner.
If she had both a country, house and a townhouse, she would possibly
have her townhouse address printed in the lower right-hand corner.
And if she had any single unmarried daughters, they would be listed
by their titles below her.
So by the end of Pride and Prejudice, Mrs.
Bennet would have, Mrs.
Bennet.
And then under her Miss Bennet, which would be Mary Bennet
at this point, and then Ms.
Catherine Bennet.
And that way all of the women of the household were included on the same card.
A young woman never had a calling card of her own.
If she was calling with someone who was not her mother, say it was a chaperone.
Then the chaperone would take a pencil and write her name under
hers on her own calling card.
And that's how she would be included on those sorts of visits.
Though, the exception to this rule is actually an old maid.
Once she had reached that age where everyone was pretty much like, "Yeah,
you're an old me and I'm sorry."
She could get her own calling cards at that point.
But until then she just was included on her mother's.
And also another really important note, I think on calling cards is
they were also kind of like trophies.
If you got cards from say really rich, famous, or noble people than
what a society lady would do would be to display them on her mantle place.
And so then when other people called on her and they saw them, they would be
like, "Wow, she knows important people".
And it's like, "Yes, I know, I just have all this card collection."
I guess it's also kind of like collecting baseball cards.
So now let's both combine calling cards and visits in one
with the basics of visiting.
And then you'll see more how this worked out in real life.
So first up a very important basic of visiting is that it was
considered women's work to go and visit and call on neighbors.
With the exception of bachelor men.
At that point, it was the husband's job to go see them, which is exactly
why in Pride and Prejudice when Mrs.
Bennet is like, "You have to go see Mr.
Bingley because I can't."
It's because Mr.
Bingley is not married.
And so thereby it's Mr.
Bennet job to go see him.
Otherwise it was always the wives or daughters, if she was the head
of the household, sort of like in Emma to go and call on people.
And of course, another area where you might see gentlemen making calls is it
was considered proper for a gentleman to call on any ladies that he danced with a
ball the night before with.The next day or in the next couple of days, ideally.
So we actually see that play out in Jane Austen's unfinished novel The Watsons.
Okay.
So let's look at what a day of calling actually looked like for
women during this time period.
First of all, it didn't start until 3:00 to 4:00 PM.
And from 3:00 to 4:00 PM, she would be making ceremonious calls,
which would be on people that maybe she wasn't super friendly with,
but then she needed to call on.
So for example, she would need to go call on any new neighbors of their
class that moved into the neighborhood.
She may need to reach out to a new acquaintance that might
help her son get a promotion.
Those sorts of calls, the next hour from 4:00 to 5:00 PM, was that mixture
of where maybe it's ceremony like she has to do it according to social
convention, but it's more friendly.
So maybe she had been invited to dinner the night before at
somebody's house that was her friend.
And so she technically needs to call by social etiquette,
but it's also more friendly.
It's her friends.
So she's going to go see them.
And then from 5:00 to 6:00 PM and it is just friendly without any ceremony.
So this is where you go and you call on your close friends.
You see what's happening with them.
And overall it's a lot more relaxed atmosphere.
And so at the start of all of this at three, she has her servant driving her
around in a carriage on these calls.
And what she has her man servant do is drive her up to the door
of the person she's calling on.
And then she sends her servant to knock on the door and ask if the lady is at home.
Now, if the lady is at home, then the woman calling would get out of
the carriage, go in to the woman's house and sit there and have
awkward conversation for 15 minutes.
Now there were a ton of social rules that applied to the situation,
including how long she should stay, how she should react if she finds
other people already calling there.
There's all these rules for like, what if you're calling on
your friend who's staying with this person you don't even know.
What do you do then?
But some very good, basic overall rules I appreciated on this was: don't gape
around at the furniture because it might either look like you're judging them or
you're sizing up the place to rob it.
So either way don't gape at all the stuff while you're sitting there.
And another thing is, is don't bring dogs or children because
they'll break all the knick-knacks.
So, I mean, those are all very relevant considerations.
Now, what if the woman you're calling on isn't even at home, then what do you do?
Well, if you're out in your carriage and you have sent your servant to
go ask if the lady is at home and the answer is no, this is when
calling cards really come in handy.
Because what you do is you say, "Oh, servant.
Here taking this calling card and also take two of my husband's calling
cards, that I also carry around, and give it to the servant of this
person I'm trying to call on."
Because then it counts as you made a call, right?
It's like, "I attempted, here you go.
Here's my calling card."
And so of course she would give the person she's calling on one card of her
own saying, I made this call on you.
But then she would give the woman two cards from her husband, one
for the lady of the house and one for the master of the house.
And so pretty much the wife distributing her husband's cards counted on his
behalf of him actually calling on people.
Only, it was just all his wife's job to hand out his cards all the time.
And another important fact is even if the woman was at home upon leaving,
she would still leave two of her husband's cards, but not her own card.
Cause she actually called right?
Like she doesn't need a fake call card cause she was there.
But she'd leave two of her husband's even if the woman was there.
And then after that, if you're the woman calling on people, you would
have your servant drive you to the next person and do that all over again.
Now I need to have this super important note on what being
"at home" actually meant.
Remember I said that the servant would be sent to the door and they have to
ask, "Is the lady of the house at home?"
And so then the servant of the lady being called on might have to go check.
As in actually ask mistress, "Are you at home?"
Because during this time period, being "at home" meant being available to visitors.
So it was not considered a lie and it was not considered trying to avoid
someone if you said you were not at home.
It was just very well understood.
You might have a headache.
You might be dealing with the servants right now.
You might be going out shopping in a few minutes.
Basically, you might just not be available for callers.
But if you were available, then you would be at home.
If you were not available, you would not be at home.
And in fact, some women would even put on their calling cards,
their hours of being at home.
They would say I'm at home on Mondays and Thursdays.
That way women knew when it was convenient to call on them.
Okay.
Up next.
What are some of the reasons you might be paying these calls?
Of course.
And one of them is you just want to see your friends.
That's the most obvious one.
But there was actually a lot of different reasons that society
required you to make these calls.
There were the first category, which is are happy moments.
If a young lady gets engaged, you should go call on her parents.
If a young woman gets married and is a bride, you should go call on her.
If a woman has a baby, after an acceptable amount of time, you should
go call on the mother of this new baby.
And then there are the sad moments, which is of course, if somebody
has a tragedy or death in their family, you should call on them.
But of course it was a good etiquette to send them your card
with something indicating that you were thinking of them at this time.
And when they felt up to having visitors, they would send you one of their
cards where they would write on it.
Something that would indicate that, yes, it's okay to come call now.
And then of course there were the formal hello and goodbye moments.
Which is if somebody of your social class move to the neighborhood out
in the country, it was expected you would go call on them.
And then if you were living in neighborhood and you were going to go
away, For a long time, perhaps to London or to Bath or to a trip on the continent,
you would need to go call on all your country neighbor's and be like, "Hey,
I'm going to be out of town for a while."
And then, and of course, especially when it came to London, it was important to
always go, once you arrived in London and visit all of your acquaintance to
essentially be like, "Hey, I'm here.
AKA if you have balls and parties I'm here.
You know?
Yeah."
And then of course it was expected for you to call or send a card
after certain forms of hospitality.
If you attended a dinner at somebody's house, you're supposed to call within
the next week in person, but if you attended say a giant ball, then it was
expected that you would send a card.
Because, remember from my video about the marriage season, balls
could have up to 500 people there.
A hostest could not possibly have 500 people come call on
her within seven to 10 days.
Right?
That would be overwhelming.
So people would just send cards.
Now, let's talk about this call versus card thing.
So the Victorians were very conscientious of everything sort of being equal.
And in fact, ladies kept books completely of calls and cards
where they would write down in detail who called on them and when.
So first of all, they would know who they needed to call back on within
seven to 10 days, they would also know who has not called on them.
And so not calling or sending a card was essentially a form of unfriending
someone in the Victorian Era.
And they also felt like a call warrants someone to call on
you or a card warrants, a card.
So if somebody called on you and then you sent them a card for no good reason, it's
not like you're super ill or anything.
And then that was seen as a rebuff.Where if you sent somebody
a card and they called on you, it was like, "I didn't actually want
to be that close to you as a friend.
So why are you here?"
The Victorians were not always the most friendly people, I have to say that.
Now, a big exception of this was of course, if there
was somebody of high rank.
So a woman of higher rank could return a card with a call or call with a
card, that was seen as her prerogative.
But I don't want to get into too many rules in this video because I could
literally go on about this topic for hours because it was very detailed.
But I've hope you've gotten in this video, a basic overview
of what Victorian calling was.
So let me know in the comments below, if you would be interested in
social networking, the Victorian way.