- In this video, I'm gonna be reacting
to common love advice
that actually keeps you single.
Let me redo that.
All right, this video, in this video,
I'm gonna be sharing with you common love advice
that actually keeps you single
and does the opposite of what it intends to.
So, first off, I'm online right now looking
at common sayings, common articles on this.
And there's one common one that says,
"Wait a week before you text them back."
Now, waiting a week before you text them back
is a very good strategy to use
if your intention is to have an unhealthy relationship.
So, remember, what you put out is what you get back.
And if somebody is playing games
and using different forms of manipulation
in order to get their needs met,
so it's like you want the person's validation,
approval, you want them to like you,
if I wait a week, then maybe they'll come back,
maybe then they'll like me,
or they'll see that I'm valuable and I have other options.
Now, the reason why this doesn't work
is because that is playing and starting the relationship off
from playing a game.
And this does work, by the way,
if you want to attract someone that has an attachment style
that isn't secure.
So there's three different types of attachment styles.
There's secure, anxious, and avoidant.
In a very simple nutshell,
secure can give and receive love easily.
And that's like the "Goldilocks and the Three Bears."
That's like the comfortable bed.
Then you have the bed that's too soft.
That's like anxious attachment.
That's where they like, they want to,
they crave, they desire that of love and approval
from the person they're dating.
This is the person that's like wondering
when they're gonna text them back,
probably also the person that's like,
"Wait a week until you text them back,"
because they want that validation and approval.
And they're normally leaning in for love.
Then the third one is avoidant attachment.
Avoidant attachment normally likes to keep love
at an arm's length.
They normally want their own independence.
It doesn't feel very safe to be intimate with someone else.
And what you'll find is normally the anxious
and avoidant attract each other.
It's kinda like a magnet.
One person wants love, one person wants individuality,
and it becomes this like energy.
Now, waiting a week before you text them back
is probably normally more of an anxious style attachment
that is attached to outcome.
So it's attached to outcome,
and what the anxious attachment sometimes does
is something called protest behavior.
Protest behavior is where you withdraw your energy
in order to get your needs met.
So, one of the things you wanna become aware of is,
if someone is defaulting to either protest behavior,
which is like withdrawing their energy,
sometimes that can also be a form of pouting as well.
I know that I used to do what when I wad a kid
when I wanted attention.
I was like I would pout or like,
"There's something wrong with me,"
then I would get attention.
And the thing is, is that doesn't work.
Or it only works based on that trauma
and it's not something that you actually want to do.
So, if you want someone that's emotionally available,
what you actually wanna do
is you want to actually be vulnerable and share with them
how you're feeling.
Share them the needs that you have.
That also comes from a lack of vulnerability,
feeling like you can't express your true needs.
Maybe as a kid you felt like you couldn't express
your own needs and you had to kinda hide it,
and there's like a shame that is there.
There's a belief that says,
"I'm broken, there's something wrong with me.
I can't share with someone how I really think and feel."
But that then breeds more of that emotional unavailability
and it's not being authentic to who you really are.
What if you went on a date with someone and you're like,
"Listen, I had a great time.
I'd love to go on a date with you again."
Or you text them like, "How are you feeling
or how's your day going?"
Or something like that.
Because you actually wanna text them that.
The difference is you don't text them that
with wanting their response to validate you.
You text them because you're genuinely interested.
It's reducing the attachment that you have.
So that's the first one,
and that will actually keep you single
or keep you in an avoidant-anxious trap,
which may not be actually beneficial.
Here's another one.
"Just be patient.
Someone will come along."
So, this is sometimes is a common advice
that you might hear.
Now, first off,
it's not consistently bad or inherently bad advice.
Because sometimes, it can help people.
Because people are like, "I really wanna attract love
and it's not happening,
so I'm gonna try this, I'm gonna do this,
I'm gonna maybe not text them back for a week,"
these are different things people may do.
Being patient, though, is beneficial
if you're not attached to the outcome,
that's the first step, not being attached to the outcome,
and also, realizing, have more fun in the process.
It's more about the process of having fun.
And when you are having fun,
you have very magnetic energy.
When you are not having fun
and you're attached to the outcome,
your energy is very resistant and people can feel that.
So on one hand, you wanna be patient
in the sense that you're not attached to the outcome
and you're not trying to force something to happen,
but at the same time, you wanna be proactive.
Proactive means you put yourself in situations
and in an environment where you can actually attract love
if that's your intention.
But don't do it because it's gonna attract love.
So I'm gonna go to yoga class
because I'm gonna be surrounded by a whole bunch of women
or men or whatever that are in shape,
and then I'm gonna attract love.
Go to yoga 'cause you love yoga.
That is an option.
Go to, I'm gonna go to this kind of grocery store
'cause that's where I can attract love.
Go to the grocery store 'cause you wanna go
to the grocery store.
Or you just order on Amazon, well, that's what,
(laughing) who likes going to the grocery store nowadays?
However, you may,
if it puts you out there in different ways
and it, sometimes,
I like just going to the grocery store just because.
'Cause I like to actually pick out my food
and pick out my produce
because they don't pick out the best produce sometimes.
But anyways, just be patient, someone will come along
is not the worst advice ever,
but it is if it's an excuse that's also keeping you
where you are.
Because sometimes people also have a belief
that's like attracting love is hard,
or like, "I'm not worthy of attracting love."
Those are all things that you also wanna become aware of.
So, here's the opposite of that.
"You've gotta put yourself out there."
So, that can be true, that you put yourself out there,
like we were just talking about, like be proactive.
But don't be seeking it.
That's where I think a lot of times people have the trouble.
They're seeking love.
They're seeking to find this person,
and what ends up happening is by seeking it,
they end up over, what is it, course correcting,
or they end up overextending themselves.
And then it becomes a sense of control.
They're trying to control the outcome of things.
And anytime you try to control something,
you infuse resistance in it.
And for some weird reason,
it's like the opposite is actually true.
The less you try to control,
the more in control you will feel.
Because the less you try to control,
the more you accept the situation.
So this is also about a form of self-acceptance.
So, that's something also to realize.
I'm gonna go to some common memes that I see.
Okay, here's one that I think is somewhat toxic.
"Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies."
This is also a very common thing
that'll get you in a trap.
So, believing that we are half a soul
and that we're just looking for our other half,
that becomes a form of attachment.
Attachment and love are very different.
Attachment to something is an identification with it
and a belief that this thing is the key to my happiness.
This, a lotta times, when people start to define,
"Oh, this person is my twin flame,
this is my one soulmate, this is the other half to my soul,"
that's a lotta pressure.
Imagine the other person listening to that.
Could also be an avoidant person that's like,
"Ooh, this sounds really deep and heavy.
I do not want all of this intimacy.
I do not feel safe."
And you're like, "Listen, I know you don't know this yet,
but we're defined soulmates, twin flames,
the other halves of our soul."
And that other person is like,
"Ah, I just thought this was a coffee date." (laughing)
Or they could actually be in a relationship.
But that is a toxic belief
that is more about attachment than love.
Love is unconditional.
You may have relationships in your life
where you have a deep love with someone,
but then, the relationship changes.
I've had that.
The relationship changes,
but there is still an unconditional love there
that is more powerful than attachment.
Because that unconditional love is like,
"Oh, I want this person to be happy,"
not, "I am attached to them.
Because they're not with me,
then there's like something
that is like, I withdraw my love."
Which may have also came from, by the way,
having a parent growing up,
a parenthood dynamic with the parent and the child
where love was conditional.
"Ooh, you're being this way, go to your room."
"Stop talking."
"Children are meant to be seen and not heard."
So one thing you wanna become aware of,
if you wanna become,
you become aware of these different patterns,
that's powerful, because awareness is power.
Here's one I actually agree with.
It says, "We accept the love we think we deserve."
Now, in general,
we will attract people into our life
that reflect back the belief we have about ourself
and what we believe we're worthy of.
So if we believe that we're worthy of,
and not only worthy of, by the way,
but what feels familiar.
Until we become aware that we have familiar patterns
from childhood, we live in the autopilot
of expecting that kind of energy.
So remember, the word familiar and familial are very similar
because what feels like family, we tend to attract.
So we accept the love we think we deserve.
So someone is gaslighting you,
that may be a form of love growing up
that you thought, you of course think your parents love you,
but it's a familiar energy,
even though it's not really, it's not love,
to gaslight somebody else.
And it's also based on that form of manipulation,
probably in order to get the conditional love they want.
So they want your love or approval, so they gaslight you.
Now, the key to this, though, is realizing
that there may be some form of energy or belief
that's there that says, "I deserve this kind of energy."
Maybe if someone's emotionally unavailable,
the belief is, "I attract emotionally unavailable people."
So the key to this is becoming aware that,
and why have I familiarized people that don't choose me
or emotionally unavailable people.
And what you'll find is that there's a belief there
that says, "There's something with me.
I need to be different than I am."
For me, there was a level of shame that was there
where I believed I was broken,
there was something wrong with me,
and I would overcompensate by pleasing other people,
by trying to fix the people I was dating,
and it would depolarize the relationships.
The key to this is really becoming aware
of that shame and the key to that
is going into vulnerability, expressing the real you,
showing all the different aspects of yourself.
Because shame hides in the dark, doesn't wanna be seen.
When I started to become aware of this,
I started opening up my heart more,
it completely changed my dating, relationships,
and how I was relating to other people.
Another one says,
"Don't let them know you're interested."
Well, not letting them know you're interested
is a very good way of repressing your own emotions.
It's a very good way of not being vulnerable
and not expressing the real you
so that you start off in a way
where you're just, from the get-go, not being vulnerable
and not expressing the real you.
Now, I'm guessing that the belief
is that if you don't show them you're interested,
they're gonna keep pursuing you.
But the challenge is that that's built
on this cat and mouse game of manipulation,
kinda like what we were talking about
in the beginning of the video.
The thing that is so refreshing
is that you can really be the real you
and you can really express your real emotions,
and that by doing that,
you will be more benefited and it will be more attractive
to the right people.
You will attract people that are emotionally available,
and then you will detract or repel people
that are emotionally unavailable.
It's okay to be polarizing.
If you express your real emotions
and somebody is present with you
and able to hold space for that, that's a positive thing.
If they leave, then they weren't meant to be
in a relationship with to begin with.
So, this is the key
to really understanding your own magnetic energy,
to understanding that this is all a reflection
of what you believe to be true about yourself,
letting go of the false beliefs that are keeping you single,
so that you can finally feel and know
that you deserve love because you are love.
This is something that you actually embody.
So this new style of video is something
that I'm just testing out.
If you like this video, can you like the video
and then comment below and let me know
and I'll make more reaction videos like this?
And then also, the most powerful attracting love video
that I have that will completely change your energy
from the inside, out is right here.
Watch it and watch what happens.
Attracting love is not something that we attract.
It is something that is reflected.
It is reflected back to us,
depending on how much inner self-love we feel inside
of our bodies.
And like that meditation I was telling you about,
it's 'cause...