Pewds: Here we go
Jack: Don't be Daddy, don't be Daddy
[Mark Laughs]
Pewds: May the best baby kill themselves!!
[Closed Captioning is provided by the YouTube Community]
Mark: It's probably just going to be Andrew's gonna be the mysterious robo daddy. Felix: Aw yeah.
Mark: He's just going to stand in the middle of the store. Ken: I'm a baby! OH GOD!!!
Jack: Oooooh yeahhhhh!
Ken: HE! HAI! HEY!
Pewds: We're all babies!!
Ken: BAEBY!
Pewds: We're all- (cut off by Mark) Mark: Ahh..
Mark: I've got the hat and no sunglasses, that's me
Mark: wait! wait so if...? Ken: I got the cowboy hat and sunglasses.
Jack: I'm top hat baby. Mark: If all of us... If all of us are the baby
then...
that means. Ken: Andrew's the dad!!
Mark: Who the hell is Andrew?
Mark: Oh there's a garage!
I didn't know there was a garage
Jack: And you can get in the car now!
Mark: Oh.. why!? [Mark laughs]
Ken: Can I drink the bleach? No, it's empty. Did you drink all the bleach?!!
Pewds: I drank all the bleach, baby.
[Mark laughs]
Mark: You're supposed to share, dude, c'mon!
Jack: Aw, I wanna drive the car! Get out!
Ken: You look so gross right now.
Mark: I can't drive!
Pewds: You look so gross! Fuck you!
Mark: [talking to himself] Turn off parking break...
Jack: You've got a key!
Ken: What is this?
Mark: [still talking to self] Move gear selector
Pewds: Oh, dat ass!
Jack: Ooh, that baby! Baby, what are you doing? Babyplier?
Mark: [STILL talking to self] Press gas pedal
I don't know
Jack: I can't run fast! Egh!
Mark: Apparently it needs... it needs a key.. maybe?
Ken: Welcome to da toaster!
Jack: I work the pedals, you work the.. the stick
Mark: Are you even in here?
Jack: I'm right beside ya!
Mark: Oh there you are!
Ohhh. Ok.
Pewds: Hey, there's some more bleach here buddy!
Ken: Alright! Jack: I pressed the gas pedal!
I pressed the gas pedal, it didn't do anything
Ken: Dude!! Mark: Yeah, we need a key for the ignition.
Ken: Dayuuumn look at this toaster!
Mark: So there's gotta be like a key
[Mark laughs]
Mark: I can... I can douse my body in gasoline
Jack: WHAT?!
Mark: I doused my tender body in gasoline Jack: Stop it babeh!
Jack: Jesus!
Ken: My tender... baby body
Jack: Oo~oh! I found some trash Mark: So if I go into the oven
am I just gonna co-? I'm gonna burst in the flames here
Pewds: I see you, Mark [laughs]
Mark: Am I dre- [laughs] nched in gasoline?
Mark: Can someone turn this on, here?
Pewds: I - yeah you look like you're drenched in gasoline
Pewds: Don't Mark: Well
Jack: Can I turn on a fire somewhere and burn you?
Pewds: Don't turn on any fires!
Jack: Aw, I wanna burn Mark to death! [Mark laughs]
Mark: Where is there fire? I wanna be lit on fire
Jack: Oh! Th - the stove!
Ken: I think I died? Mark: I tried it, I went in the oven it didn't work Pewds: [laughing] I died!
Jack: Aw man!
Ken: Oh. I'm very... green
Jack: Oh! I found a key!
Mark: I'm coming back.. Are you both dead?
Pewds: Yep
Ken: Yeaahhh...
Mark: What-
Ken: We drank some bleach. Mark: Oh geez man!
Pewds: Don't drink bleach, kids.
Mark: You're not built to last
Jack: Get in!
Mark: I'm getting there, I ran out of sprint
Pewds: I mean there's nothing to kill you in the game but yourself... Like..
Mark: Okay Jack: Here we go!
Mark: I'm ready
Jack: Use car key in ignition
Mark: Alright
Mark: Okay, there we go
Pewds: Wait, you're gonna drive the car and we don't see it?!
Mark: [talking to self] Parking break off
Mark: Move- WOAHH OH HO HO HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!
Pewds: What the fuck just happened?!
Pewds: What just happened? Jack: We crashed and died! Yaaay!
Ken: Uhh... Yayyy
Pewds: Good Job.
Ken: What am I supposed to do? I have no idea.
Jack: Stop us from killing ourselves. Mark: Just stop us
Pewds: Oh God, the beginning is worse! Mark: Stop us whatever it takes
Jack: Yeah, when you see the lips-- Hello Dad!!!!
Ken: Hey!
Mark: You will never stop me!
Jack: Get him! Kill Daddy! [Mark laughs]
Ken: Who's that?! No! You can't have that!!!
Jack: I'm going to drive the car! Pewds: This is Attack on the Titan!!
Mark: Jesus!
Ken: You're not allowed to drive the car!
Ken: Oh god.. the pictures are going to fall off the walls [Jack: Badly whistling the Attack on Titan opening]
Babies! Babies. Please..!
Mark: Yeah? Pewds: Shut up!
Ken: Who dressed you?!
Mark: "Shut up, Dad!"
Jack: Shut up, Dad!
Mark: YOU did, Dad!
We learned it from watching YOOOU!
Ken: I'm going to pick these babies up
Jack: I'm gonna beat the shit out of dad with a hammer!
Ken: AHH!!!
[Mark laughs] Ken: Gimme that hammer!
Jack: Nooo!!!! Die!!!!
Ken: Baseball Cap Baby what are you doing?
Mark: No! No no, no, nothing! Nothing! NOT drowning myself in the toilet!
Ken: In the pooper?!
[Mark laughs] Jack: Where are you, Daddy...?
Jack: I ca -- oh God -- Ken: Get outta the tub!
Mark: No! Jack: I broke the game!
Jack: I can't move! Fuck!
Mark: Aw, c'mon Dad. I need a bath [Ken laughs]
Mark: Dad!
Jack: Oh man!
Ken: Mark-baby!
Mark: [Makes burbling drowning sound]
Pewds: Stop making Mark kill himself!
Ken: He's so thirsty!
Mark: OOoOOo~!!
Pewds: Oh noooooo! [Mark laughs]
Mark: I just want a bath!
Jack: What are you guys are doing to each other?! Pewds: Oh my God!
Mark: I just want a bath! Let me get clean!
Mark: I'm a dirty baby!
Mark: I'm a dirty baby
Jack: Who's a dirty baby?
Ken: Dammit!
Jack: Get away from me, Daddy!
Mark: This is how this works [Mark laughs]
[Ken Laughs]
Jack: Oh we're drowning! Pewds: You're becoming.. pink
Pewds: Yeh Yeh, we're... drowning. Yeah.
Mark: It's almost there
Ken: Before we had Jack-Baby with his hammer
Pewds: Don't drop the soap Daddy!
Ken: You know what?! I'm gonna take a, take a.. take a shit while you, over there are drowning yourselves... [Pewds makes drowning noises]
Ken: You guys are enjoying the bath, babies?
Ken: Hey, there's no toilet paper in here!! Mark: [laughing] This is a great bath, Daddy!
Mark: ARRGH!!
Ken: AAHH, NOOO!!!! MY BABIES! Jack: AAARRGGAAHH!
Mark: [laughing] Pewds: [more drowning noises]
Ken: [crying] NOOOO!! Jack: I got a fork, Daddy... and I'm not afraid to use it!
Pewds: OH MY GOD, I DROWNED! What the fuck?
You didn't save me? whats wrong with you?!?!!
[Mark laughs]
Ken: Jack! You didn't see ANYTHING!
Ken: Don't tell your mom!
Jack: Wha-What did you do Daddy?!?!
Mark: Oh! wait, I can see my body now Ken: I got it I got it... Who's tha-
Jack: Fuck you. Fuck you, Daddy!
Jack: AHH!!!
Pewds: No!
[Mark laughs] Ken: Oh... you're so..
Ken: You're so black now!
Ken: God damn these babies!
Pewds: Are you a dad?
Ken: Yeah!
It's really hard to freakin' stop...
But I couldn't leave Mark alone. He would die!
[Mark laughs]
Ken: Wait, wait...Wh- [bursts out laughing] What is THAT? Is that a bong?!
Pewds: SHOOT HERR!! Mark: [To Ken] No?!
[Everyone laughs and screams and freaks out]
Jack: Shoooot heeer! Ken: Gimme dat!
Mark: Where's the dildo?
I need the dildo.
Jack: There's a dildo?!?
Ken: Wa-Wait! That's your mom's drawer! Get out of that!
Mark: No no no no no no, c'mon, c'mon c'mon.
Ken: OH GOD! There is, there IS a dildo in this drawer...
Mark: I know! There IS a dildo in there. Ken: How'd THAT get there?
[Mark laughs]
Pewds: Daddy! I feel sick!
Pewds: Dad! Mark: Oh!
Jack: I see the light Daddy! Pewds: Ahhhh~
Mark: Uh oh...
Pewds: Daddy! WHAT THE FUCK?!?!
[Mark laughs]
Ken: Come back, Baby!
Pewds: Give it to me... Ken: You like that? Yeah, you like that? Mark: Bad baby! Bad baby!
Pewds: [In demon voice] I LIKE IT.
Jack: I don't like whats going on right now
Ken: Wait, where did the other babies go?
Mark: We're having some baby time in the bedroom Ken: Ah! AH! Where did you come from?
Jack [singing]: ♪ Where did you go, where did you come from... ♪
[Mark makes a growling sound]
[Ken screams then starts to laugh] [Mark and Jack laugh]
Jack: All I can see is Ken and a dildo through the window [All laugh some more]
[Mark laughs]
Jack: ♪ Dildo~! ♪
Ken: Jack! You don't, you don't want to see this! Oh God I dropped it!
Ken: Mark's getting away!!
Mark: Oh No! No! I'm just gonna go play! Don't mind me!
Ken: Why cant I move?!
I'm like
My head's like...
jerking through the screen!
Jack: Oh yeah what the fuck is going on?
[Mark laughs]
Ken: I really am glitched
Ken: There's like- Mark, what are you doing in the kitchen?
Mark: Nothing! Nothing
I-I'm working on something
just 'cuz my body is DOUSED in gasoline
Wa-wait, pick me up and hold me over the candle
Just, just to see-
DAMMIT!
NOOO!!!
[Everyone laughs]
Jack: Ken's a terrible dad!
Mark: Yeah, we, we need a new daddy
Ken: You trying to get to this gasoline over here?
Mark: No! Pewds: Alright Mark: Yes! *Ken, pewds laughs*
Mark: Ah! It's broken Pewds: What a dick dad
Pewds: I got it! Oh no, I DRANK the gasoline dammit! [Mark laughs]
Mark: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you
Ken: You such a good babies
Mark: I know, We know Jack: The car's ready to go! Everybody in!
Pewds: I'm coming! I'm coming Mark: Uh! Hang on!
Mark: Wha...Hang on! Ken:You guy wanna huff some paint also with your gas?
Pewds: I'll drive!
Pewds: Thanks
Ken: Alright babies! Jack: Mark! Where are you?
Ken: [Slurred] "Hey i'm drunk; take me to the store!"
[Mark laughs] Jack: You're too late Mark! The car's leaving without you! Mark: I...I'm coming!
Jack: GET IN! Mark: I'm try to get on...I'm stuck on the grill
Pewds: Did you get in the car Ken?
Ken: Alright Babies! Let's go! Jack: Imma kill us all! Mark: Wait! hang on
[Car crashes] Mark: No! Ah! I got crushed under the wheel!
[Everyone laughs and chatters]
Mark: Dammit
[Everyone Screams]
Jack: When I close this door, I better not hear any shit!
[Mark, Felix, & Ken make fart sounds]
Jack: [Sarcastically] Oh, very fucking clever!
[Mark & Ken laugh]
Ken: Aaah, he's back!
Mark: Hang on, I know how to...There's a vent up here...
Jack: You guys know I can crush a baby's skull with my bare hands?
Mark: No, that's MY move!
Mark: That's my signature sex move
Jack: What're you guys doing? Mark: AHA!!!!! Whoa....I FOUND THE TASER!!!
Jack: Oh-ho-HO...
Jack: Where'd the other fuckin' baby go -- Mark: Now, I'm gonna come...I'm gonna come to --
Jack: No! No! No, Baby! Mark: Ah...ha. Hi, Daddy. *laughs* Hi, Daddy!
Mark: Hi, Daddy! Jack: Okay, okay, okay...Baby, we're all -- we're all friends here...
Jack: Put...the TASER...DOWN!
[Mark snarls fiercely]
Jack: NO! AAAAAH! Mark: *laughing*
Jack: *incoherent babbling* Mark: Hey! Hey, hey, fellow babies! Check out Daddy!
Mark: Daddy's doing a dance!
Pewds: Wait, shoot ME.
Mark [laughing]: I don't have a TASER left!
Pewds: Aw, shit.
Mark: I'm all outta TASE juice.
Jack: Babyplier! Where are you?
Mark: Nowhere. I'm just relaxing. In the sensual room.
Mark: Uh -- DAMMIT!
Jack: Yeah! Ken: What?
Pewds: WHAT?
Jack: Best Daddy ever!
Mark: None of us died! How did none of us die?
Ken: What the hell happened?
Jack: You guys suck! You spent all your fucking thing trying to kill ME!
Mark: Whatever. *I* was trying to burn myself alive!
Jack: You're a terrible...suicider, then.
Mark: Awwww. I try my best.
Jack: Is that a thing?
Ken: I will kill myself so hard...
[Mark laughs]
Mark: Daddy, look. I can fly. You wanna see?
Mark: I can fly. Jack: Show me.
Mark: HAAAAAAAA!
Mark: Did you see it?
Jack: You are SUCH a fucking disappointment.
Mark: Ohhh. [laughs] [Pewds laughs]
Ken: That was AWESOME! Mark: Thanks. Thanks, Brother!
Jack: No, no, no...Babyplier, NO! Mark: How did you meet me in h -- NO, the ba- [stammers]
Jack: No! No! Mark: Baby wants his juice!
Mark: His gasoline juice!
Jack: You want your juice box? Ken: THE JUUUICE! You must spray the juice!
Pewds: I'm gonna spray ya, Baby! Ken: YEAAAAH!
Mark: Please. Pleeease. [loud sexual noises from Ken and Pewds]
Jack: What are you guys up to? Mark: Oh...Oh, geez...
Mark: Please. Please? Jack: No! I'm making a last stand!
Mark: Okay, I -- God! That was...Thank you, Daddy! Jack: Oh shit...
Jack: No, no, no, no! Mark [laughing]: That's all I needed!
Ken: We're huffing it!
Jack: Can I burn you? Ken: Wait...
Ken: Dammit, I ran out... Jack: What're you guys doing?
Mark: Hey, who turned on the dryer?
Mark: Burn me!
[loud screaming and laughing from everyone]
Pewds: BABYPLIER!!! D:
Ken: Put 'im out with a fire extinguisher!
Mark: Oh God...AAAAAH-
Mark: -bleh.
Jack: You burned them ALL!
[Mark laughs] Pewds: Baby Wins!
Jack: What the FUCK?
[Mark and Pewds laugh] Jack: That was TERRIFYING!
Ken: Mark, you wanna be Dad?
Mark: Yeah, I'll be Dad.
Mark: I'll be da BEST Dad!
Mark: You goddamn kids choke on these balls!
Mark: Dammit! In the vent!?
[laughter from the others] Mark: Oh, fuck off! Where'd you go?
Mark: Where'd you little bastards go?
Jack: We got this!
Mark: Where? Where are you?
Mark: WHERE ARE YOU?
Jack: Escape from Dadiplier! Mark: NOOOOO!
Ken: Yeaaaah!
Mark: No, no dousing yourself in fire this time!
Mark: Where's the Grabber-Dick?
Mark: Er, Grabber doodad. Pewds: Grabber-WHAT?
Mark [laughing]: The Grabber-Dick. You know what I'm talking about.
Pewds: Of course! Yes!
Ken: Of course! The Grabber-Dick.
Jack: DEAD! YES! Mark: Agh, what the hell!?
Mark: God damn it! Pewds: What just happened?
Mark: Every one of you!?
Mark: Once I find the Grabber-Dick, I'm gonna get you...
Mark: And I'm gonna make sure...
Jack: You gotta step up your Daddy game.
Mark: I...my Daddy game is already elevated to maximum capacity, okay?
Jack: Really? 'Cause I seem to r-...see...
Ken: AH! Jack: That...we all...killed ourselves...
Mark: No! No, no, no, you didn't -- you didn't do shit!
Jack: You are SUCH a cool dad! Mark: Why -- why can't I pick you up with my bare hands?
Mark: It's so stupid... Jack: 'Cause you don't HAVE bear hands.
Mark: Shut up! I have somethin'... Jack: You have HUMAN hands.
Mark: Uh...Fuck! There's nothin'! There's nothin'!
Pewds: Don't do anything stupid now, Dad... Mark: Ah...shit! Ugh! I'm...I'm just gonna scoop you up in a basket!
Mark: Ah, fuck! It's not working!
Ken: Oh God!
Mark: Jesus! Jack: Whatcha doin'?
Mark: Just... Jack: Leave my brothers alone!
Mark: No!
Ken: Chiiild abuuuse!
[incoherent talking and shouting]
Mark: THAT'S what I'm looking for! Give that to Daddy! Give that to Daddy!
Mark: Give that to Daddy. [shouting from Ken and Pewds]
Mark: All right, so...I'm gonna lock you guys in here...
Mark: It's Jack that's the troublesome one, where's HE?
Jack: No! No! Mark: Jack, where are you?
Jack: No! Mark: Come to Daddy!
Jack: Noooo... Mark: COME TO DADDY!
Jack: I need to find a way out...I need to find a way out...
Mark: Where are you...? Pewds: Where are you guys?
Mark: I don't...I don't know where Jack went...
Jack: I got it...I got it. I got it! I'm dying!
Ken: He'll never find me...
Mark: No-no-no-no! No-no-no-no-no-no-no! What are you dying from?
Jack: I'm already dying!
Mark: No -- From what? Jack: That's a secret, Daddy! I'm hiding!
Mark: From WHAT?
Mark: What are you dying from!?
Mark: Where are you dying?
Mark: What the hell is happening?
[Jack laughs evilly]
Mark: Oh geez... Jack: I am MLG Baby-Killer.
Pewds: I want hot chocolate! Mark: No! No! No!
Mark: No! Pewds: Let me go!
Pewds: Let me go, I'm gonna tase you! Mark: No...No...N-TRY it!
Pewds: I'm gonna tase you... Mark: TRY it, Baby Bitch! Come on!
Pewds: Nooooo.... Mark: You're going in -- back into your crib...
Pewds: Saaave meee... Mark: And you're gonna STAY there!
Mark: You...bleh. Ah shit, it broke. Jack: Yes...Yes! Batteries!
Jack: Yeeees! Mark [laughing]: Are you stuck in the wall?
Pewds: Yes... Mark: Oh my God...
Mark: That's what you get, Baby -- ow...
Pewds: Fuck! I missed.
[Mark laughs] Jack: Daddy? I'm dying. Daddy.
Mark: How? Where? Why??
Mark: I've -- I've...I've figured out the final solution for Babydom.
Mark: You just gotta stick 'em in the wall. [laughs]
[Jack laughs]
Mark: Where'd you go? Where'd you go, you little shit?
Pewds: Nope. Never... Jack: Aaaaand...dead.
Mark: Aaaaah FUCK!
Mark: Were you hiding under the car?
Mark: Being Daddy sucks.
[everyone else laughs]
Jack: This is analogous to real life.
Mark: Yeah, exactly.
Mark: Shoulda worn a condom!
Mark: Egh! I shouldn't have let my wife go to that orgy! Jack: That's all this game is, is a commercial for condoms.
Mark: Ugh...
Pewds: Stop blocking the damn door!
Pewds: Goddamnit! Ken: Jack!
Jack: I'm out!
Jack: Come on, baby brethren!
Mark: Noooo! [laughs]
Jack: This is where we fight!
Mark: Always through the goddamn vent.
Mark: How 'bout no...How 'bout a lot of no...
Mark: How 'bout I -- NO!
Pewds: I wanna light myself on fire.
Mark: No, you do NOT do that. That's exactly NOT what you do.
Jack: I got you, Baby Bros. I got you, Baby Bros. Pewds: Please, please, Dad! Let me live my DREAMS!
Mark: No.
Pewds: Gawwd...
Mark: STOP IT! Jack: God, Dad, just let us KILL ourselves!
Mark: NO! Ken: What?? Damn it, Daddy!
[Jack and Mark laugh]
Mark: If I -- I'm gonna put a candle in the water, that way it'll evaporate all the water...
Mark: No, stop it with the bleach!
Mark: Don't -- don't do that...Don't do that... Jack: Come here, Daddy...I've got a KNIFE for you...
[Ken screams] Mark [laughing]: You STAY in there!
Ken: You locked me in here? I'm the dirty little secret...
Jack: C'mere! Mark: Ah! Take the -- here.
Mark: I've got the knife on you! Wait...
Jack: No! Mark: Why can't I use this knife on you?
[Ken laughs] Mark: To stab you in the dick... Jack: What a safe thing to do on a baby.
Mark: Aaaagh! No, eat this fruit!
Jack: No! Mark: Eat your breakfast!
Jack: Do it! Do it, baby!
Mark: Ha-HA-ha! I gave you a fruit! Pewds: Oh thanks, Dad.
Mark: You're welcome.
Pewds: I love oranges. Ken: What's going on?
Jack: Get the candle! Mark: I can't move! Pewds: Where's the candle?
Jack: It's on the table! Get it! Mark: Aah! Shit!
Mark: Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it... Jack: I'll help you! Go, baby!
Jack: Look it that little baby butt!
Mark: Eh...
Pewds [singing]: Lift me up, lift me up...
Mark: Hang on...
Ken: Which one is the one...
Mark: No! Are you doused in gasoline? You stop that now!
Mark: You need a bath! Jack: Where's the table?
Pewds: Killl mehhh...
Mark [laughing]: No...
Jack: Oh God, I'm stuck on a chair! *grunts*
Mark: You stay there...Oh man, why did you...
Mark: Why did you stab me in the ankles? I can't move anywhere!
[Ken and Pewds laugh] Jack: Yeeeah...
Jack: Where's the candle?
Pewds: It's here in the hallway.
Mark: No no no no... Jack: Get it!
Mark: [many more "no"s] Jack: Get it, babies! Ken: I'm gonna eat some batteries...Delicious.
Jack: Maybe I can't do it!
Mark: Okay... Pewds: Ya just gotta belieeeve...
Jack: We must...We must get this.
Jack: Can we knock over the ta-NOO! Mark: Nooo! Stop that! Ken: AAAH, laser beam!
Jack: NOOO! [Mark laughs]
Ken [laughing]: He's just freaking out!
Pewds: What the fuck are you doing?
[Jack babbles incoherently] Mark: I'm making sure you're s-WHAT!?
Mark: Noooo!
Ken: Yeah!
Mark: Goddamnit, I gave you a FRUIT!
Ken: Look it those dance moves!
Jack: I think the consensus is Worst Dad Ever.
Mark: Oh shut up! As if YOU were any BETTER!
Pewds: Arright, listen up, you piece of shits!
Mark: Oh God...
Ken: Oh God...
Pewds: If you're not in bed in 5 seconds...
Pewds: ...I'm gonna FUCK you!
Mark [laughing]: Woah... Jack: I'm...I'm sorry Daddy! Pewds: WHAT'RE YOU DOING?
[Ken shouts] Jack: Daddy, I'm sorry... Mark: That's kind of extreme...
[Pewds roars angrily] Jack: I'll go to bed!
Jack: I'll go to bed, Daddy! I'm sorry! *cries*
Ken: Jesus... Mark: Daddy, I'm scared... Pewds: Kill yourself, you piece of shit!
Mark: Oh God, Daddy, no! Ken: Where's the dildo? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Jack: Go away, Daddy. I'll go to bed...
Mark: I'll go to bed. I'll go to bed... Pewds: I hate you! Ken: We're going to bed...
Pewds: I HATE you! Mark [nervously]: We're going to bed!
Pewds: Yeah, go to BED! March up!
Mark [sobbing]: Okay... Jack: I -- I miss Mal-...I miss Mommy.
Pewds: Last one to bed gets a spanking with a belt!
Mark: Why did Mom go to that wonderful hotel vacation for three years? Ken [intrigued]: Ooh, a belt!
Ken: Ooh, some pants!
Jack: Why can't I get on the bed?
Pewds: GET IN THE BED! COME ON!
Jack: I'm TRYING! Mark: I can't get on the bed!
Jack [sobbing]: I'm sorry, Daddy!
Ken: Knock over that thing in the corner so I can jump on it and get in bed!
[Mark whimpers nervously] Pewds: Last one gets a spanking!
Jack: Don't hurt me again! Mark: Aah, no, no!
Mark: It's Jack! Jack's the last one!
Pewds: Jack, you gets the SPANKING!
Jack: THAT'S not ME!
Mark: Oh, KEN! I'm sorry, KEN'S the last one! [Ken screams]
Ken: OH! Oh, my buns! My baby buns! Oh nooo... [Mark laughs]
Mark: Jack! Jack! I'm scared! [Pewds snarls angrily]
[Ken cries] Mark: I'm scared!
Jack: Hold me! Hold me, baby brother!
Mark [laughing]: I'm holding ya!
Mark: Daddy won't get us --
Pewds: You shall NOT console each other! Mark: AAAH! Daddy, NO!
Jack: Okay...okay, we gotta make a break for it! We gotta make a break for it!
Jack: Through the vent, babies! Pewds: No, you can't run from ME! Mark: Where!?
Mark: I don't know where the vent is! Pewds: I AM YOUR FATHER!
Ken: WOOOO! Mark: Woooo...
Pewds: Aw, you pieces of shit... Mark: Ahhh!
[Ken laughs] Jack: Run, baby brothers! Mark: Ooh!
Mark: Okay, okay, I can turn the dryer and washer on! You go in the dryer, I'll go in the washer!
[Ken grunts] Mark: It's a deal!
Jack: Oh look, it's the scary Daddy!
Mark: Oh God, it went off! Why did it go off? Ken: Why, this thing turned off! Why?
Jack: No! No, Daddy, no! Pewds: HAVE AN ORANGE!
[Mark laughs] Pewds: Have a fucking orange!
Pewds: You have a banana!
Pewds: Put that down, boy!
Mark: He's trying to make us healthy! RUN!
Jack: The baby's doused! Mark: Yes -- Baby's doused! Get Baby a candle!
Mark: We gotta finish this! Pewds: Drink the gasoline! I dare you!
Jack: I AM, Daddy! Pewds: I fucking dare you -- drink it!
Jack: Okay, we're doused.
Jack: We just gotta get a candle! Mark: I know how to get to the candle...
Pewds: Here you go, you piece of shit! I dare you! You're too pussy!
[Ken and Jack scream]
[Mark laughs] Jack: WOOOOOO! WOOOO! WOO-WOO-WOOO!
Mark [laughing]: AAAH! Oh god!
Pewds: I ran out of...stop!
Jack: Oh my God, the SOUND!
Mark: Yeah, the screaming! Oh my God...
[Mark laughs]
Ken: Oh, you're standing on me!
Ken: Like that's the WORST of my problems...
[Mark laughs]
Mark: Oh, it's still screaming! Do you guys hear that?
Mark: Good job, Daddy. We love you, Daddy. *kissing noises*
Jack: You're a TERRIBLE father. I hate you.
Mark: No, *I* love you.
Pewds: Does anyone else wanna be Daddy in -- one more time, or something?
Jack: No.
Mark: I think...you're the BEST Daddy... Jack: Sensual lips!
Mark: ...that ever...ever Dadded!
Ken: Those sexual lips you had there was just...hot!
[Jack laughs]
Ken: Ow! Mark [in an Irish [?] accent]: Hot. It's very hot.
Jack: "Open Room of Great Achievement".
Pewds: Hands up, babies!
Ken: Whooo! Jack: Jesus! No, Dad! Pewds: Hands up!
Jack: Put the gun down, Daddy! Mark: Sorry, Dad -- Ow. Ow.
[Mark yells crazily]
Mark: Okay, so...
Mark: There's a plug over there... Jack: Wait, my health isn't going down anymore!
Pewds: Stop fuckin' around! You're supposed to be in bed!
Mark: No no no no. It's all right, Dad. Jack: Daddy, gimmie some fruit!
Jack: Daddy, I'm gonna die! Gimmie some fruit! Pewds: All right -- Babies, it's time for your bath, all right?
Jack: Daddy, I need fruit! Pewds: I'm gonna get in here. Get in there, Ken.
Mark: Oh geez! Oh God! Jack: I need fruit! I'm gonna die!
Ken: Oh Jesus Christ! Mark: The toaster's freaking out...
Pewds: Time for your dirty bath, you dirty bitches!
Jack: Okay, but I'm gonna die.
Ken: Won't get it in there...
Pewds: You can't die, you're too much of a pussy.
Mark: No no no no no no, give him...give him some pills! Give him some PILLS!
Pewds: I'm making the bath for you. It's nice and warm.
Jack [mutters something incomprehensible] Good job, Ken.
Ken: I'm like, trying to figure out how to drop this shit...
Ken: I can't. Pewds: Let's take a bath, babies.
Mark: Okay. All right, Daddy. Jack: Okay. Aaaaand...
Jack: I...am...dead.
[Mark laughs]
Mark: Don't worry, I tried to-- Jack: *makes drowning noises*
Mark: *Laughter*
Ken: Eat that booty.
Pewds: Oh noooo...
Pewds: My babieeees! Jack: Now we're purple!
[Closed Captioning provided & edited by the YouTube Community]