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hey everyone emma mcadam here i'm a
licensed therapist couldn't really bear
to be inside on a beautiful day like
today so i hope the wind noise isn't too
bad
but um i get tired of teaching people
how to feel less bad because what you
focus on you get more of so if we spend
too much time telling people how to
overcome anxiety or depression we
basically tell our brains that anxiety
and depression are really important and
to pay more attention to those
experiences so for these three videos
we're working together on how to feel
more joy now i don't know about you but
the pandemic has seemed to make it
harder to feel joy we spend less time
doing things with the people we love
we've stayed home
a lot of people
have felt depressed or anxious or lonely
or tired or bored
so let's get our joy back
let's let's stop waiting
for something to change before we can
feel happy again so here's my list of 14
things that i start working on when i
want to increase my joy and happiness
and i'm not talking about just coping
skills or stuff that feels good in the
short term so in my opinion these are
skills that foster a lasting sense of
happiness because they line up with the
kind of person that i want to be
forest tally a clinical psychologist
said lots of people confuse joy with
happiness and although they are closely
related and they often occur
simultaneously these feel-good emotions
aren't synonymous
happiness is an emotion that brings
bursts of intense pleasure excitement
and satisfaction while joyfulness is a
stronger longer-term state that results
in feelings of inner peace and
contentment
whereas happiness can be easily
manufactured joy comes through setting
up the right conditions for it to
suddenly appear
okay
lastly before we go into the list of
these ideas you all probably know this
stuff you know the stuff that brings
lasting joy the real problem is getting
yourself to do it it can be really hard
to get motivated to get yourself out the
door and this is how the depression
cycle works right you feel bad and then
you don't feel like doing anything and
then you don't do anything which makes
you less motivated which makes you feel
even worser and on the cycle goes right
depression literally makes you both sad
and unmotivated to do the tiny things
that will actually make yourself happier
so first let's talk about some ways to
break that cycle right so tiny tiny
steps right one percent changes are a
lot more powerful than trying to do
these massive huge changes dr glenn
doyle says if you can't clean a whole
room clean a corner of it if you can't
do the dishes do a dish if you can't get
in the shower wash your face so like
always look for the things you can do
with the energy and the focus you do
have little wins pave the way for bigger
wins one percent is always going to beat
zero percent
okay next
if you're having a hard time getting
motivated change your environment to
make it easier to do the things you want
to do and harder to do the things that
make you miserable so for example move
your phone away from your bed uh keep
your exercise equipment out
don't keep ice cream in the freezer at
home make yourself go out and buy
someone you wanted right so do anything
that makes your new habit easier and
your bad habits harder
okay
also get an accountability buddy or a
support networks tell someone what
you're working on check in with them
about it so with my kids we set the goal
to say positive things about our day
each night at dinner and we made a
little chart to track it and if we did
it 80 of the time for a month then they
get to go to their favorite place the
buffet restaurant where they can get
jello now do you think they let me
forget about our little goal
no way
so
make someone keep you accountable if
possible that can be really helpful okay
next track it i am disproportionately
motivated by a very simple tracker where
i have to put check marks on these very
tiny habits okay i'm not talking about
going and running 10 miles every day
right choose a super
tiny habit that you want to track and
put your tracker somewhere where you
have to see it every day and just like
add a reminder in your phone to go check
that box off
another way to help get yourself to do
things that you maybe don't feel like
doing is put an event on your calendar
schedule in some time with your child or
your friend or your husband put on your
calendar and tell them that you're not
allowed to cancel if you don't show up
they have to come to your house or
something like that right like don't
give yourself an out
also double reward yourself for any
accomplishment
okay so if you're depressed and you do
something good let's say you clean the
bathroom right the depressed mind is
gonna say well you cleaned the bathroom
but you took forever you lazy bomb and
the rest of the house is still a mess so
it's not worth much you'll never be good
enough right
you can tell that little brain of yours
thanks for the thought brain and instead
say something like good job the bathroom
looks great i'm proud of you for doing
the thing you could do today
when we punish ourselves for doing some
small thing we tell our brain to be less
motivated the next time
when we acknowledge our accomplishment
when we praise our accomplishment when
we give ourselves credit or a little pat
on the back it tells our brain to pump
out more dopamine which is the reward
and motivation chemical so it makes us
more motivated the next time okay so now
that we've talked about how to actually
make yourself do these things let's talk
about what these things are okay so
number one get outside get some freaking
sunlight right this is especially
relevant in january where i live it's
it's so depressing but i found that
taking a short walk often makes me feel
a lot better and a lot of people when i
polled them about what works for them a
lot of them mentioned exercise
and especially
outside exercise as being powerful for
them and i know it is for me um yoga is
also a common theme and so we're pets
okay number two look for something
beautiful to take a picture of each day
you can even find a friend who wants to
send you a picture each day and you send
to them one okay number three gratitude
practice i've got more on this in other
videos but all you need to do is just
write down what you're grateful for each
night and that rewires your brain to be
happier
okay number four stop reading the news
and start following things like the good
news channel and upworthy and the good
news network and just share uplifting
stories with family and friends and i
also am a big believer in curating your
social media feed um block delete or say
not interested in all the gloomy stuff
and save share like and comment on all
the good stuff and that teaches your
brain and the algorithm to keep sending
you more goodness
or um
even better a lot of people recommended
reading books right reading books is a
powerful way to transport you to another
world to feel emotions that you maybe
aren't able to feel on your own right
now
if you want to laugh for a light read
may i recommend garrison keeler or
patrick mcmanus they're both kind of
ridiculous authors who
make me feel a little bit happier
okay next
turn off your screens um you may be
surprised how when you're bored
when your brain isn't just being
constantly distracted by screens you'll
actually think of something fun to do
that actually brings lasting joy and not
just temporary distractions i also think
you should turn off your notifications
on your phone because what you pay
attention to you get more of so don't
let your phone decide what you're going
to do with your attention with your
focus
you choose it how do you want to spend
your time when we're more intentional
about our time usage our life lines up
more with the kind of life we want to
live
and then we feel happier
okay next write down all the good things
you did that day and the good things
that happened to you and look at
pictures of the good times
write about the write about and remember
the good things in your life basically
what this does is it sends a message to
your brain that the good stuff is
important and it tells your brain to put
more neural pathways more wiring around
the good things in your life
and the happy feelings in your life so
the more you pay attention to the more
you double reinforce that by writing it
down or telling someone the more your
brain realizes this is important let's
make more of that okay next serve
someone bring joy to someone else if you
look for it you can always find someone
to do something nice for and this can be
as simple as complimenting a co-worker
expressing sincere gratitude to service
staff
writing a note to someone making treats
for a neighbor picking up some trash
i've got a huge list of these in my
journal download
but for me doing service for others is
one of the best feelings in the world
and every time i recall that service i
can feel that joy again
okay next if you want to feel joy you've
got to explore your values
what do you really want your life to be
about
what kind of person do you want to be
and then you've got to choose one way
that you're going to act on those values
so if you value creating art and beauty
make a goal to sketch every day if you
want to get in shape start walking a
little bit every day i really think
lasting joy comes from being the person
that you value
okay then this one's pretty obvious do
anything you enjoy music reading cooking
make yourself a checklist for the day
that includes joy on it and try and
check it off every day
okay connect with others schedule a date
with your partner put your friend time
on the calendar we need people to be
happy so make it a priority by putting
it into your schedule
okay find a way to laugh about life
make jokes about the bad things that
happen and find a way to tell it in a
funny story mike berbiglia is a great
example i'll link in the description to
his stand-up routine where he finds out
that his girlfriend has a boyfriend and
he spends the day hanging out with both
of them and he somehow turns this into a
funny thing
um just this morning i took my kids to
the play place and it was a complete
disaster and um i was very cranky about
this but then i told my husband about it
and we were able to joke about it and i
felt a little bit better about
uh poopy underwear and 30 minute
tantrums and
all sorts of other really just not fun
things that come with parenting
okay a lot of people when i pulled them
mention meditation as their way of
finding more joy then i'll be honest
meditation is super difficult for me but
it works for a lot of people so it's
worth exploring
okay
next try making something draw paint or
crochet like i love that feeling of
building things making things doing
something with your hands so whether
it's woodworking or writing a new video
and producing it there's just this
enormous sense of satisfaction of making
something and i think our brains are
hardwired to be creative
and productive so even if this is like
mowing the lawn like go give yourself
some credit for making that lawn look
beautiful like there's just something
about
doing a physical task not just sitting
at a computer or looking at a phone
screen that can bring a lot of joy to
your life
so
let's make a plan together let's make a
joy habit get a calendar
um
or a 30-day tracker like i have in my
journaling course or a notebook and
write down one thing every day that
brings you joy
what you focus on you get more of and by
the end of the month let me know did it
make your life more joyful
okay comment below what are you gonna do
to grow your joint muscles
thank you for watching and take care
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