Have you ever felt that self-esteem was highly elusive, that sometimes
you have it, and sometimes you don't that it's, that it's lowered?
And it doesn't really depend on how much you know, because you can
feel that you really know a lot about a subject, but still feel a low
self-esteem.
Well, in this video, what I want to share with you are some very
non-intuitive and uncommon advice on how to build your self-esteem.
Right?
So at the end of this video, you're going to have a completely
different way of thinking about self-esteem establishing it and
improving it for yourself that's going to last and stand the test of
time, right?
So first let's begin with some distinctions when it comes to esteem.
What does that mean anyway?
Because a lot of people confuse self-esteem with confidence and
they're not the same thing.
So esteem is really the essence of it is really respect and admiration
of worth when you respect and some, respect somebody for who they are,
and you really admire them because you genuinely see they're worth
what they bring, the value that they have behind them.
And keep in mind that esteem can be either outwards or inwards, right?
So when it's outwards, let's say, for example, if esteem is outward,
then you are placing someone on high regard, highly respectful of
them, right?
You genuinely see that they have great worth then in that case esteem
is outward.
And that person becomes an esteemed individual.
Like you must have heard this before.
They are an esteemed professional or they're esteemed speaker.
So that in that instances in those instances esteem is outward, but
let's make no mistake about it, esteem can go the other way, it can
go inward as well.
So when it's inward, that's what we call self-esteem.
When it's outward, we label that individual as an esteemed
professional or an esteemed fill the fill in the blank what their
title is.
So in this video, we're focusing on self-esteem when the esteem is
reflected inward.
So the essence of self-esteem like, I just got done sharing with you,
the distinction of esteem, and that's very different from confidence,
by the way.
But the essence of self-esteem is that our self-esteem that esteem we
have of ourselves is simply is nothing more than opinion an opinion we
have about ourselves, right?
Because the same thing is true outward.
We have an opinion towards another person and we see them as high
worth.
We see them as valuable.
We see them as great, right?
And our opinion of them allows us to see them as an esteemed person.
The same thing is true reflection on inward.
When we have a high opinion of ourselves, self-respect when we have a
high opinion of ourselves that we see our worth, we have a high regard
or respect for it.
Then our self-esteem goes up.
We have a high self-esteem.
So this is where, for example, there's been cases if you reflect on
it, there've been instances situations in your life where you build
yourself up.
And in those instances, chances are reflect upon this, chance, don't
just take my word on it.
Reflect upon this.
Chances are when you're, when you're, your self-esteem was high, you
are conscious of the things you like about yourself.
You're very conscious of it.
And you can feel overly proud of yourself.
Maybe in those instances, when we are proud of ourselves, oftentimes
it's quite easy to look down on others, low or look down on certain
individuals.
When we perceive that we have something that is better than, or
something that is more efficient than, or something that is more
intelligent than, then oftentimes when we see an individual who does
not portray those, then on, even on a subconscious level, we look down
on them.
We don't respect those individuals.
And this is where we hide we hold ourselves with high regard, we have
a high opinion of ourselves.
So that's when, if someone comes into our life and they don't exhibit
those traits, that they don't exhibit those things we like about
ourselves.
Then we have this resistance, right?
It could be, for example, we don't feel like we want to collaborate
with them.
We don't feel like they would make a good team member.
We don't feel like we would want them to be a part of it because they
might bring down the efficiency or bring down some productivity.
Right?
So that is the opinion we have of ourselves when our self-esteem is
high.
And the reverse of that, when we have a low opinion of ourselves, this
is where our self-esteem goes down.
So this is the opposite.
And this is when we're more conscious of the things we don't like
about ourselves.
And we're more conscious of the things that we wish we could change or
that we wish we could improve upon because we are highly attentive to
the things that we don't like, we don't embrace and we wish to improve
or to change.
And in that regard, when we have, when we are introduced to other
individuals who do portray those characteristics, who do have those
traits that we like, or that we would rather have, then we hold them
in higher regard with respect to ourselves.
And we hold them at a elevated state.
We have a greater opinion on that individual than we have of
ourselves.
And this causes our self-esteem to be deflated or lowered self-esteem.
And that causes us to admire others who have the traits that we wish
we would have, but we don't, we don't see it at the moment.
And so therefore in the presence of those individuals that we hold in
higher regard, we see them as more esteemed.
And that's what causes us to be intimidated by those individuals.
And over the course of time, you'll notice this, that your self-esteem
is constantly oscillating up and down.
It's going up and down.
It's constantly in this, in this escalation and deflation escalate and
deflate.
You'll notice this and reflect on it.
Don't take my word for it.
Once again, reflect in your life and you will see this to be true,
that your self-esteem is in a constant ebb and flow up and down
oscillating.
and it could even be in the course of a single day, in one single day
in the morning, something happens or something comes to our attention.
We have an elevated self-esteem by the lunchtime and afternoon,
something else happens or something else gets introduced to us.
And we have a lowered self-esteem.
It could even be the course of a single hour.
And as a executive coach, this is the nature of self-esteem.
This is the nature of it, that constant oscillation.
So doesn't it stand to reason that if that is the nature of
self-esteem, if you are chasing self-esteem, this is the experience
you will get expected.
If you are chasing it, if you are seeking to improve it, build
self-esteem, then this is the experience you will get that constant
oscillation between elevated self-esteem and lowered self-esteem
because our opinion of ourselves is changing with respects to others
or with respects to our observations and so on.
So therefore, because our self-esteem is in constant oscillation, it's
not sustainable, right?
And I'll prove it to you because it's reflect on it always is.
Don't take my word for it, but reflect upon this, it's not sustainable
to always have a positive opinion of yourself.
And in that heightened self-esteem to look down on certain
individuals, that's not sustainable because how many of you have
noticed that you don't tend to last when you have a height, heightened
opinion of yourself, it doesn't tend to last.
And at some point it becomes oscillated or, or go the other direction.
But the other case is not true as well.
It's also unsustainable.
It's not sustainable to always have a negative opinion of yourself
while looking up at certain people that's not sustainable either.
And the reason why, the essence of why that's unsustainable, because
that is not your true, authentic self, to see yourself in a negative
light, or to see yourself in a positive light to have those extremes.
And by the way, it's on a spectrum, you can be quite extreme on the
negative where you see a lot greater things that cause you to have a
negative opinion of yourself.
It can be quite extreme on the other side, and you can go swing the
other way, quite extreme as well, where you have a high opinion on
yourself.
And that holds you in high regard by so those extremes and everything
in between the spectrum is in between.
But anytime you have those swings of left side, right side, negative
or positive side, that's not your authentic self.
Therefore it is not sustainable.
And by the way, if I'm what I'm saying to you is resonating and you're
reflecting on your life and you are seeing the truth in this the
insight and the thought behind what I'm sharing, then I want you to
give me a thumbs up.
Cause I want you to know, I want to know that you're here and you're
listening.
So take notes on this.
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always release these videos every single week on topics like this and
so much more, right?
So continue on that vein.
This is not your authentic self.
And that's why it's unsustainable.
When we are in a fit to inauthentic to ourselves.
And we take those extreme points of views when you have an elevated
self-esteem and you're more conscious of the things you like about
yourself, right?
There is a tendency to put on different personas to try to remain
elevated, right?
Reflect on it.
And those moments where you were high had a higher opinion of
yourself, right, it feels good, you feel like you're on track, you
have greater energy.
It just feels great to be having an elevated self esteem.
Then what happens is that we try hard to prolong that experience.
We try hard to mean remain elevated.
And so that causes us to put, wear different masks, try on different
personas, whatever we can to maintain that position and the opposite
is also true.
When you have a deflated self-esteem and you're more conscious of the
things you don't like about yourself.
There is a similar tendency to wear mask and to have different
personas to protect ourselves.
And what do we present protecting ourselves from?
Well, we want to protect ourselves from judgment.
We want to avoid judgment from the other people, or we want to avoid
being exposed because there's that imposter behind us.
So there both ways either way elevated self-esteem or lowered
self-esteem.
There is a tendency to want to avoid that, which we are don't want the
judgment, the exposure, and try to keep seeking prolongment of what we
do desire.
And in those cases, we're trying to avoid that, which is
unsustainable.
We're trying to seek that, which is perpetually unsustainable, and
that just creates a futile situation.
So here's what I'll say about that.
You might be thinking by now, well, I thought this video was all about
how to build your self esteem.
What do I do now?
Instead of trying to build self esteem, focus on self-worth build
self-worth instead of self-esteem right?
So write that down.
I am not going to focus on self-esteem anymore.
If you are serious about genuinely having that confidence, if you are
serious about genuinely creating a life of empowerment for yourself in
your career, in your relationships and all aspects of life, then make
a commitment to yourself that from this day forward, you will no
longer focus on building self-esteem because you understand now, from
what you heard earlier, the nature of self-esteem, the oscillating
nature of it, and being caught up in that and trying to pursue things
that are unattainable, that constant elevation, or try to avoid things
that are unavoidable, that avoiding judgment from others, or avoiding
that exposure of discovering who you are, then that is unsustainable.
So what happens when you pursue self-worth instead pursue self-worth
because self-worth is the state in which you are absolutely aware, you
are conscious of both sides of yourself, the things you've liked and
disliked about yourself.
You're conscious of both of it, all of it.
And you are appreciative of what it is.
You are genuinely from your authentic self grateful for what it is.
And so therefore you can stop trying to get rid of the parts you don't
like, or you can stop trying to accentuate the parts that you do like,
because the authentic you has both, it is not possible to get rid of
part of yourself or half of yourself, because chances are there's half
things that you don't like about yourself and half of the things that
you do.
But if you try to get rid of the things that you don't like, it is
also unattainable because you are a whole person.
So pursue self-worth instead of self-esteem because the premise of
self-esteem a consistently elevated self-esteem requires you to get
rid of the things you don't like or avoid them in some way and to
exaggerate or keep focusing on or improving upon the things that you
do like, but that has not a whole individual, a authentic self.
So focus on self-worth instead of self-esteem.
And that is in a space that is sustainable.
It is long-lasting and it will give you the inspiration and the
gratefulness through it all, by the way, if you are wondering then,
well, how then do I show up?
Right?
I want to I'm in a workplace right now.
I have meetings with higher ups.
I have meetings with executives and I want to know how do I exercise
my self worth so that I can genuinely be present in these meetings
with people, our stakeholders and executives?
Well, if you want to develop that executive presence, which follows
through from elevating, right, from focusing on self-worth, then I
have another video that I created recently to help you develop that
executive presence.
All right.
So just follow along right after this video will be that one, how to
develop executive presence.
So watch that following right up and I'll see you there.