You probably like to think of yourself as a rational human being
like when you have a decision to make, you take all the information you make a pros and cons list and you add that up to make the best decision possible.
But you're a human being and the truth of human beings is we are far more irrational than we'd like to admit.
Oftentimes, our decisions come down to the smallest irrational things
and oftentimes, that can be just a few words which is why in this video,
I want to give you 6 phrases that you can use to turn the tide in your favor
when you're trying to persuade someone to do something that you might like. Now,
this is not going to be a substitute for really developing a true persuasive strategy,
it's not a substitute for empathy but start adding these phrases into your vocabulary
and I think you will be shocked with how quickly and how effective they are.
So, the first one is when you're coming up against a gatekeeper and the phrase is
simply going to be — "Have you ever made an exception?"
Now, I used to use this all the time when I would try to get into bars and clubs after it was technically at capacity and it worked pretty well.
I had a buddy who was going to a graduation ceremony. He had six family members
and four tickets to get in and they were there and the guy clearly would have liked
to have done something but it was against the rules so my friend said,
"Have you ever made an exception?" and he said, "No, I'm sorry we can't do that."
He said, "Would it be possible to just make one exception this time?"
and the guy looked around and said, "Okay, go ahead. You get in there."
This one is most effective when you have a gatekeeper that is just doing their job.
They're not staunchly against you getting in; there trying to follow the rules.
But the idea of making one little exception, even I'm thinking back to a time where they did and going, "Okay, that wasn't such a big deal,"
that can often tip them over to the edge to just showing you in.
So that's the first one.
The second one is for when someone has really dug in their feet against you —
they do not want to be persuaded, they do not agree with you, you're coming out of left field and they're not into it.
And I found myself using this one recently with my family.
I wanted my brother to go to this personal development seminar but it's long;
it's three and a half days and it's about 12 hours a day.
It's really intense; there's a ton of reasons not to go.
So he was dug in; he did not want to go.
And I remember saying to him, "Henry, if I were in your position, I got to be honest, I'd feel the same exact way."
And he looked at me and I followed up with all the reasons that I'd feel and I said,
"Look, I get it — it's a ton of time, you don't know if it's gonna be valuable, it seems like a crazy cult... I get it."
All of that said and then I proceeded to give him my reasons that I thought he should go.
When you say, "If I was in your position, I'd feel the same exact way," you are validating that person.
You're saying, "You're not wrong; you just might not be seeing something from a different perspective."
If you try to jump into someone who is staunchly against you with your side, they're just gonna dig in deeper.
But when you take their side, you say, "You're actually right," that sort of gets
them to loosen up and then they become a little bit more open to change.
And in my brother's case, he did wind up going to the program. It was really great, he's happy he did it, I'm happy he did — it all worked out.
So the third one — you can use this; this one is amazing for interviews
and I thought about not including it because I don't want to flood the market.
It is incredibly powerful. Use it sooner because I am gonna say it —
apparently, a lot of people will see this and hopefully use this but
you use this one towards the end of an interview when they're asking you if you
have any questions for them and it's kind of a long one it goes something like this —
"Obviously, I'd love to get this job but when you're thinking down the line whether you hire me or whether you hire someone else, how will you know a year from now
whether or not you made the right choice? What will that person had to have done to have been an excellent hire?"
I've gotten many, many messages from clients who have said, "First off, the employer loved it."
They were so happy to hear that you took the initiative to find out what it takes
to be good in this role but second, when they start reciting to you
what a fantastic employee looks like, they're looking at you
and if you say it the way I said it, they're imagining having hired you and having had you been this person.
When that is in their imagination and they go back to think of who are we going to hire, they've already spent time thinking of having you being an incredible employee.
This one is so powerful — so valuable — obviously, you still need to be qualified,
but if you get to this point, it can really push you over the edge so use it.
The fourth one — this one you can use and add it to any of these to make it more powerful
and it can seem ham-fisted and clumsy but it's simply just adding the person's name
When you hear your name, you perk up, your attention is instantly called in that direction and
somewhere, it implies that that person knows you like there's a connection there.
The weird thing is, today, we often have times where there's a gatekeeper that has a name tag so remember, at bars or clubs
we're trying to get in, the guy would have a nametag; we'd learn his name earlier or read his nametag and say, "How's things going in there tonight, John?"
and he'd look at us and be like, "Do I know these guys? I'm not really sure," so he said, "Uh, it's good."
And so when it came time to ask, "Could we go in?" he was much more amenable
and if it came down to that final question, "Have you ever made an exception, John?" he felt like he knew us
and that made it even more likely that we could get in that night.
Again, you can use this not just at a bar or a club, you can use this all over the place to make any sort of ask much more powerful.
The fifth one — this is a sales tactic and it's called the Yes Ladder.
If you've ever been called up by your University when they're asking for money,
you know that they don't just pick up the phone and go, "Hey, would you like to donate a hundred dollars today?"
That would be crazy. They start off by putting you on a Yes Ladder.
They say, "Is this the correct address that we can reach you at? How is this phone number?" something, something, something.
They try to get you answering yes to easy questions before they hit you with the big ask for money.
Now, the time that I tend to use this the most in my life and that I recommend
that people use it is when they're asking someone on a date.
You don't want to just jump into, "Hey, can I have your phone number? Can we go out Wednesday night 8:00 p.m.?"
Rather, it's better to walk them up a Yes Ladder and so since I like salsa dancing,
the one that I tend to ask women when I'm asking them on a date is say, "Have you ever heard of salsa dancing?"
Now, just about everyone's heard of salsa dancing so, "Yeah, I've heard of it."
I said, "Does it seem like something that you think you would like?"
They'll think about it and go, "Yeah, I like dancing. Yeah, absolutely."
I say, "Okay. Would you like to go with me sometime?"
Again, easy. They'll go, "Sometime? Sure. Yeah, I'd like to go sometime."
I say, "Perfect. Why don't you give me your number? This Wednesday at 8:00 p.m. there's a class and afterwards, there's open dancing. We can go do that."
It's only after three questions that I say the specific ask
and it just seems so natural at that point.
If I were to jump in, sure, they might give me their phone number or they sign up
but that instantly engages this okay-this-is-kind-of-a-big-ask simply by walking
people off the Yes Ladder, it feels much more smooth and natural so use that one.
And then of course, the sixth one. This one you're going to want to use
pretty much everywhere; it comes from Robert Chiellini. It's so simple.
I thought about not including it but any list of persuasive phrases
would not be complete without it and it's the word because.
When we hear the word because, we assume that whatever comes after
because must be justifying what came before it and I remember the first time
that I used this; I just read it in the book and I was in college.
And me and my buddies had this tiny couch where we'd watch South Park
and oftentimes, what would happen is three of us could fit on the couch, four could fit kind of in a squeeze,
but typically, the last person in would have to sit in this lousy chair.
So I came in late one night and they were all started to sit
and I said, "You know what? I'm gonna try this because-thing out," and I said to
my buddy, "Hey, Andrew. Could you slide over because I'd like to sit on the couch?"
Now normally, the answer would be, "No, get on that chair,"
but I remember he didn't even blink and he said, "Sure," slid over, everyone's crunched together and there I was sitting on the couch.
Now, was it the most comfortable? No. But it felt cool to know that the power of because was on my side.
So those are six phrases that you can employ today into your speech
that will make you instantly more persuasive.
This is not a substitute for truly understanding human psychology,
or for developing empathy but it's surprising just how adding these can can really make a huge impact immediately.
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