(Between Two Ferns Theme)
- I had President Hillary Clinton on last time,
and now I have this guy.
It's like. (rustling)
But it's like I Love the 90s.
We might as well have Lorena Bobbitt as a guest, you know.
Get an Us Weekly or Teen People and find a legitimate guest!
Hi, my name is Zach Galifianakis.
Welcome to another edition of Between Two Ferns.
My guest today is Jerry (mumbling)
Seinfeld.
- Really thrilled to be here.
- Seems like everyone from the Seinfeld cast
has gone on to do,
you know, great, wonderful stuff.
Elaine is on Veep and an Emmy Award winner,
Kramer did that great stand-up bit.
It's been a real launching pad for whites.
(deep breath)
Okay.
- Actor, writer,
comedian, producer;
which of Larry David's skills do you admire the most?
You have Comedians in Cards Getting Coffee.
James Corden has Carpool Karaoke.
What's next in lazy car-based, non-comedy?
(rustling)
You know that movie you made, Bee Movie?
Don't you think it should've
been called D- Movie? (chuckling)
- It's called Bee Movie because it's about bees!
But it was the number one movie when it came out,
so I had that feeling,
which you had in the first Hangover.
And then,
do you think if they only made one Hangover
and didn't make the other two,
it would be considered a comedy classic?
Do you think that you destroyed what would have been
a comedy classic by the cash grab of 2 and 3?
- Let me ask you a question!
Do you have relatives
that need emergency surgery all the time?!
Well I do!
My Aunt Deborah needed a baboon heart transplant!
That's why I did Hangover 2!
My Uncle Dicky, his yacht club burned down.
That's why I did Hangover 3,
it's to save my uncle's yacht club!
And to buy myself a stretch hummer.
- That's a great, great story.
It really has a funny ending.
I can't wait to tell that at dinner later.
Do you get professional haircuts?
- There's a guy, he's,
he's fantastic.
His name's Sam. (rustling)
Oh, he's here!
Oh, this is exciting, a little Seinfeld reunion.
- Oh!
- Come on out!
(click) ("Seinfeld Theme Song")
(click)
- Hello, Jerry.
- Hey, Wayne, good to see you!
- Hey, good to see you! How ya doin'?
- No, you're supposed to say
"Hello, Newman."
- Yeah, no, that's when I'm playing a character.
- He's Newman.
- [Jerry] No. - No, my name is Wayne Knight.
- Why would you have him come down, and,
and use him that way, that cliche, you know,
exploitative way of just having him
do his catchphrase from the show.
- I thought that's what you wanted.
I was disappointed, but I didn't know.
- No, I didn't even know you were coming!
(rustling)
- Thank you.
Oh, can you just look right into the camera.
Which one?
Can you just look right into the camera
and go "Don't forget to vote funny!"
Right here, this is the camera.
- I see the camera, but I don't like the line.
- I know, but the more clicks I get--
- I don't care about-
- My brand shoots up. - your clicks.
"Hey, it's Jerry Seinfeld!
Don't forget to vote funny!"
And then maybe "Catch ya on the downlow,"
something, whatever,
like what millenials would say.
- I don't wanna do that.
- "Hey brah",
"don't forget to click funny, bro!"
- No.
- So just do it. - Nah
I don't give a shit.
- Oh, fuck it, I'll do it.
Hey, don't forget to click funny, bro!
(murmuring) - pssst Zach
- Really?
Okay.
She's here.
Okay, we have a better guest, we have another guest.
(humming) - Oh!
I thought I was--
- Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome
Cardi B.
(click) (rap music)
- [Cardi B] Hey, everybody!
- Hey, Cardi! - Oh, my god!
- [Cardi B] Hi! - Hey, how are you?!
So great to see you!
This is Jerry. - Hi, Cardi.
- [Cardi B] Oh, hi, how are you? - Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
- Wow, this is--
- Jerry, can you take the crate?
Uh, there's a milk crate that they put.
Cardi, you sit there.
- Yeah, but-- (murmuring)
- Move down!
Hi!
Cardi B, Zachy G, Jerry J.
- What's the J?
- Jew.
Cardi, your album is gangbusters, you're a giant star.
I mean, are you able to look at all this
and just take it in?
Is your life nuts?!
- Ahhhhhhh,
exhausting and--
- You're about to have a baby, right?!
- [Cardi B] Yeah. - Great!
So we got you a gift, (rustling)
'cause that's what you do in show business.
- Oh, wow thank you. - You're welcome.
- See, I got a gift.
- Yeah, no, I didn't get anything.
- Ooh, Rap Fan!
- Yes!
I don't know if you're gonna have a boy or a girl,
but the color is gender neutral, so.
- I'm special.
- You are special.
But the most important thing is that you're relevant.
- Boy, this is a really different interview than
the one I did.
I'm not even between the ferns anymore!
I don't even fit the description of the show-
- You're to the right. When I do another show called
"To the Right of a Fern"--
- [Jerry] Yeah.
- You'll be the first guest.
But right now it's Cardi B and I
Trying to get to know each other.
Cardi, thank you so much for coming by and savin' the show.
Cardi B, everybody!
Thanks for coming.
- [Cardi B] Thank you so much. - Thank you
- It was so nice meeting you.
- [Whispers] Don't hug Jerry, just walk away.
- Yes, man.
It's so nice meeting you.
- Okay, buh-bye!
- That was the opposite of what happened with Kesha.
- Good Good Good-- - So anyways--
- Yup, thank you.
Uh, thank you to
Jerry Seinfeld for being our guest.
And, um,
thank you Cardi B.
Great show.
(click) ("Seinfeld Theme Song")
("Seinfeld Theme Song")
Ya ever have a talk show, and,
on that talk show, the,
the guest is really lame?
One of my guests, he had a show on when, you know,
the Counting Crows were popular.
But,
if you look at his face it's more like
Counting Crows Feet.
(Between Two Ferns Theme)
(whooshing)
(squeaking)