Okay another top ten list today at Live on Purpose TV. Anger management tips for
parents. These are the top 10 ways to get past anger. The most important
starting place when we're dealing with anger is to understand what anger is. So,
as we count down the top 10 for anger management for parents. Number 10, learn
what anger is. Understand the nature of the beast. Anger is really a
manifestation of our bodies fight-or-flight response. Our brain is constantly
monitoring for threat. You know, something that is dangerous. When we feel anger,
it's usually a fight response to a perceived threat. This will give us some
clues as to what else we can do with it. But one of the things that understanding
anger helps us with is that it gives us some specific strategies of what we can
do about it. So, learn about anger. We've got a couple of other videos here
especially in the positive personal development playlist here on the channel.
So check those out. Find out more about anger and what you can do about it
specifically. That's number 10. Now. moving up to number 9. Get some education around
children and child development. This is important because anger often is a
response to something that's not going as we expected it to go. Or the way that
we want it to go. Children operate very differently than
adults do. Understanding their development helps us to have more
compassion and understanding and empathy as opposed to insisting or feeling like
they have to do something the way we want them to do it. Get some education
around that. Watching the channel helps with that too. Because we talked about
that quite a bit. But there's other resources and places where you can get
information about child development. And learn what's normal, what's expected when
you're working with kids. That'll help to bring the anger better
under control. Now, let's move up the list now to number 8. For number 8 I'm
going to say join a community. Get some support, build a network around you where
you can have resources and ideas and opportunities for conversations and
relationships. When we're not alone in any particular struggle, we tend to feel
better about it. So, build this community and see how you can connect with other
people who are also experiencing some of the things that you've been experiencing.
And that leads us up to number 7. Anger management really is best achieved
when we take good care of ourselves. Number 7 is to take good care of you,
of yourself. Meeting your own needs. Children are not capable of taking care
of the needs of an adult. Now that should probably go without saying. But sometimes
we start to rely on them. I'll be happy if my kids behave. I'll be calm if my
children are listening to me if I don't have to yell.
Okay, well that's putting quite a bit of pressure on those kids to take care of
your needs. How about you take care of you and then you can show up as a better
more conscious, maybe less angry parent. Take good care of yourself. So, whatever
that means and at a very basic level, it means get
enough sleep, eat a balanced diet, get regular exercise. You follow? This is not
rocket science. It's actually brain science or people science. Take care of
yourself in ways that allow you to show up as a more conscious and less angry
parent. Let's go to number 6. Don't sweat the small stuff. Oh, and by the way,
little hint here. Most of it is small stuff. Most of what we're dealing with,
with our kids. You think about the things that frustrates you. You know, kids
leaving toys laying around. Kids not obeying me the first time, kids
not paying attention to their homework or their chores. Really? These are the
things that are tipping us over. On the larger more global scale, how big of a
deal is that? Yeah, not so much. You know what? I had an experience years ago where
I was visiting the Arctic Circle in Finland. Now this is the little cap on the
top of the world. If you picture the whole globe, there's just a little cap up
there called the Arctic Circle. I was visiting that. It's way up north.
And they had a sign that had a picture of the globe on it and it had one of
those arrows that says, "You are here." Pointing right to the top of that thing.
And I thought it was kind of fun. But it also gave me a perspective. "Here I am in
this little spot. Way up on top of the world and most of what's going on in the
world is down below there somewhere. It's somewhere south of where I was." And
whatever my problems were seemed to shrink in comparison to the global or
worldwide spectrum of problems that exist out there. Just kind of shrink down.
Now, it's significant to me because it is me. But in the larger perspective,
it's really not that big a deal. So, when I say don't sweat the small stuff, I
understand and notice that the things you're dealing with with your kids, hmm...
Not that big of a deal. On the grand scale of all things. Big deal to you because
it's going on in your life and in your home. But let's keep that perspective and
that's going to help us to manage the anger. You follow? Don't sweat the small
stuff. Hint: Most of it is small stuff. Now, we get into our top 5. number 5,
commit to enjoy your kids. I really believe that there are times when we
have a choice we're either going to be frustrated and annoyed or we're going to
be entertained and enjoying. Really? Can we choose between those two? Honestly,
some of the things that frustrate you, other people are enjoying on viral
videos here on YouTube. Yeah? You've seen some of them, haven't you? Kids doing some
of the darndest things. And instead of getting frustrated and annoyed, those
parents grab their smartphone, shoot a little viral video of their kid with
permanent magic marker all over their face or making that huge mess in the
kitchen and then looking sheepish about it, right? Yeah. Can you commit by choice
and intention do it on purpose maybe? Hey, that's a novel idea. Where are you commit
to enjoy your children. And whatever's been tipping you over, you switch that
around in your mind to the point where you can actually be entertained by it
and enjoy them. Is that a possibility? Try it on, let's see how it works. Number 4.
It's going to surprise you, I know. Keep a positive perspective. A positive
perspective has 2 parts to it. The first part is evaluation. It's where
you're judging your circumstances. You're judging your kids and their behavior.
You're judging your relationship with them. That's the evaluation piece. Can you
get in that evaluation piece to the place where you feel and maybe just
choose this perspective that this is good? This is good. The fact that you have
a child in the first place. It was pretty darn awesome. Do you know how many people
on this planet wish they were in your position? Where they could deal with some
of the problems that you're getting angry about? Get the perspective. You have
a child. You have an opportunity to react with that child. That's pretty darn
amazing. That's the evaluation part. The other piece is creation. When we're
talking about keeping a positive perspective, where's all this going? You
don't know? Think about that for a minute. How you do
next week? You don't know. You've got something to do with it. Please don't
forget that. But you don't know. So, everything that you're predicting
that's coming in the future, doesn't exist yet. We haven't created it
yet. So, using our imagination, we get to imagine what's coming from all of this
chaos that we have in our life right now. Which is good, remember? Positive
evaluation. All of what's coming from that is yet to be seen. And we have to
imagine it first. Now, when you imagine that what's coming is even worse than
what you already have, how do you feel? This my friends is anxiety. It's when we
imagine that what's coming is worse than what we've already got. What happens when
we imagine that what's coming is even better than what we've already got. How
do we feel? That's positive creation. Because we predict or anticipate or
expect that what's coming is even better than what we've already got. That creates
hope and excitement. Not anger. Notice that. And you get to choose which
position you take. Choose a positive position. One of the ways we do that is
number 3 on our list today. Focus on gratitude. Gratitude for what you have,
for where you are, for how your kids are behaving. Can you get there? Yes, you can.
The fact that your kids can behave is pretty darn good news. Because that's a
blessing. Maybe or a benefit that we take for granted. We, our kids are misbehaving?
Well congratulations! Your kids are capable of misbehaving. As opposed to
being on life support or in some vegetative state somewhere. Or kidnapped
or abducted or out of your control. Notice that they're here. The fact that
they're misbehaving is good news, isn't it?
Yeah. Focus on your gratitude for what it is, the way it is. Right now, without
changing anything. Powerful way to get on top of our own anger. And create a whole
different energy within our feelings. Focus on the gratitude. Now, what are we
going to do with that energy that we generate as we experience
gratitude in that positive perspective? That takes us to number 2 on our list.
Coming in at number 2 is to be creative. You are a creator. You've got
the power to make all kinds of stuff. Do you realize that you have the power to
make a mess. Oh, you've noticed? Yeah. If you haven't pay attention. You have the
power to make a mess. This is really good news. Because if you can make a mess, what
else might you be able to make? Yeah. A masterpiece, right? Something really
awesome and amazing. Be creative means that you take this powerful imagination
of yours and instead of worrying or obsessing about everything that could go
wrong or be worse, you get that turned in the other direction where you're focused
now on how can I make this better? even better than it already is. because we
already determined that it's good. do you see what happens to the feelings? and
suddenly those feelings of anger or anxiety or dread can turn into feelings
of hope and positivity and anticipation. that's number 2. Be creative. Now, let's
go to number 1. The number 1 way to help manage your anger as a parent is to
remember your job. What is your job as a parent? Okay. This is easy. And if you've
known me for very long or if you watch very many videos on this channel, you'll
know that your job as a parent is to love them
no matter what and even if. Anger is often tied to, "Oh, it's not the way it
should be. Oh, they're not doing what they should do",
right? As if your job is to make sure that they do something in a particular
way. It's not. Your job is to love to them no matter what
and even if. Let that settle in for a minute and just see what kind of relief
that brings to your heart and mind. That's really your job. You can do that,
can't you? You're already doing that. What if that's
your only job. I say that with a little disclaimer because if you love them
(Which is your job) then you are going to step up and do a whole lot of other
things. But that's not your primary job. Your job is to love them no matter what
and even if. Get focused on that, guess what happens to the anger? Yeah, cool huh?
I am personally so honored that you are here and to be on your parenting team.
Take a moment to check out the parenting power up. You can connect to it right
over there. Where you're going to find all kinds of great tips.