- Are you racist?
- Yeah, I would say probably am.
- What?
(bright music)
- I'm Sofia and this is my dad.
- I'm Rhea.
- I'm Julie.
I'm Rhea's mom.
- I'm Janet and I'm here with my son, Brian.
- Jason, you're white, right?
- Yeah.
- Sofia, how do you identify?
- A biracial black woman.
- I'm black and white.
- Should we do a little pre-shot?
- Yeah, why not?
- I'm so afraid.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
This is all starting.
Did people disapprove of your relationship with dad?
- I'm gonna take a shot.
- Oh, shit.
- When we started dating,
we had people who would threaten us with violence.
Holding hands, of course,
immediately put a spotlight on you.
And so, we were just very cautious.
- You know what?
Actually, here's something interesting
you might not know Rhea.
My father went into a restaurant and crashed a dinner
between a black couple to sit down with them
and ask them how they felt about an interracial couple
because his daughter just married a black guy in New York.
- Oh my gosh.
- They were like, "yeah, we feel your pain".
- I did not know this at all.
I think I will take a shot too.
Like, whoa.
- Did people disapprove of your relationship with dad?
- I think my mom was a little reluctant.
- Do you think your mother was a racist?
- Yes.
- Did you ever call her out?
- I didn't.
And I think about that a lot.
- Are people ever surprised when you introduce me
as your parent?
(laughing)
- Oh yeah, all the time.
- Are people ever surprised when you introduce me
as your daughter?
- No, not really.
But, they're more surprised to find out
that you are mom's daughter because your mother is
darker skinned.
When you would go to the park as a little kid,
they would assume that she was the babysitter
or the nanny rather than your mother.
It was difficult for your mother in particular to say,
you know what?
This is my child.
So, I think she got it more than I did.
- Did we talk about race when I was growing up?
- Probably not too much.
We knew what was up.
But, it's just not a central part of who we are.
- Well,
I want to believe that most people are past that
and do judge people based on their character,
but there's been so much showing that people don't.
And that's why I feel the need to talk about it
just a little bit.
- We talked about race all the time.
We used to sit around the dinner table a lot
and talk about the many biracial heroes in our lives.
Do you remember this?
- Yeah, yeah.
Lenny Kravitz, Prince.
- Do you remember mom's Uncle Jeffrey?
You remember what he used to call you?
- Mariah on fire.
- Yeah, after Mariah Carey.
- Honestly I still try to look,
and I don't see it.
But,
- I don't see it either.
- Yeah I'm like, where'd he get that from?
- Do you think a lot about how your race is perceived
by other people?
- Yeah, because most of the time
I was the only black kid in class.
And when I graduated high school,
I kind of was like,
I want more friends of color.
It feels a little bit comforting
to talk to other people to understand oh,
they had that feeling too.
That's all.
- Yeah.
- Oh God.
(laughing)
What's the whitest thing that I do?
- What's the whitest thing that I do?
- Rhea, what's the whitest thing I do?
- Oh, shit.
(laughing)
You handed me an Essence magazine be like,
"this is for you right?"
And I was like, "oh, mom".
- I was passing it on.
I don't know why it came in the mailbox.
I just thought it may be a little more you than me.
- You tie the fuck out of your shoelaces.
Fresh Costco New Balances,
just strangled.
(laughing)
- He likes Rick Steves,
and he always lets the world know how much
he likes Rick Steves.
He pulls out the guidebook while we're traveling
and stands in the middle of the road.
I hate it.
- It's a great guidebook.
(light music)
- Are you racist?
- I really don't think I am.
I really don't think I am.
- Are you racist?
- Yeah, I would say probably am.
- What?
- Well I mean,
I just think we all have those tendencies
and have to be looking at it all the time
and thinking about it.
- Have you ever experienced racism?
And what happened?
- Something that you don't know about,
which have really, really bothered me,
white men saying to me,
"you're the darkest person I would date."
Or they'll be,
"I don't like black women,
"but you're okay."
- Maybe a person outside a bar or something will be like,
"you Chinese?"
Be like, are you?
Like what?
- The little boy that I had a crush on in middle school,
he called me the n word.
Or, another guy I had a crush on in high school
kept calling me mulatto a lot.
I didn't know at the time that that was kind of
not the greatest.
But, I just had a feeling inside of me
where I was like, that's not great.
Why does he keep calling me that?
- What's something we've never talked about
that you want to get off your chest?
- We've always lived in white neighborhoods.
Have you thought about how that has impacted me?
- That's a wonderful question, Sofia.
I don't have a very good answer for it.
- Eighth to 12th grade was the hardest time for me,
because I had to manage those microaggressions.
And I remember getting to college
and meeting one of my best friends,
and being like, oh they said that to you?
'Cause they said that to me too.
And she's biracial too.
So, I think that we internalize a lot of those things
because there was not a diverse population of people.
- Do you ever worry about my safety
as a person of color?
- I worry about your brother more than I do you girls.
Yes, I do.
I worry about all three of you.
- You were involved in some of those protests.
There are people out there who are gonna be targeting
individuals simply because of their race.
Whether it's law enforcement or militia person
or whoever it might be,
they're gonna be looking for people like you,
who look like you.
I wanna know the whole time where you are,
what you're doing.
Are you home?
Are you safe?
- There was a recent shooting up in Madison
with a biracial girl.
And someone literally tried to light her on fire.
And I saw a picture of her,
I saw my sister.
I saw me.
That made me feel personally targeted
for the first time in my life.
I didn't feel safe in Milwaukee for a little bit
because of that.
- My mom moment when I hear that,
would be like that's not on you.
That's on their distorted,
messed up vision.
They're not seeing anything right.
- But, they're the ones that do that to me though.
So yes, it's not me.
It is them and that's why it's a problem.
- I'm idealistic.
I'm totally guilty of being idealistic.
And I need to be aware not to let that cloud
the realities of things.
But, I don't want you to feel held back by anything
because I do think racism is so flipping stupid.
Seriously, can we move on?
- I don't have that luxury to be able
to move on though.
It is just something I will have to deal with
that you won't.
- Who do you turn to in those moments
when you're feeling unsafe?
- I do turn to specifically my black friends
because I think they are the ones that understand.
- I wanna understand it more.
I wanna understand it more.
- It's okay that you don't 100% understand.
In the grand scheme of things,
because of the things that you do on a day to day basis
shows that you do care about me as an individual
beyond all of everything.
That's all I've ever wanted.
- You want the sweet questions to end it?
- Yeah, let's go for it. - Well, we'll see.
- All right.
Have I grown up to be someone that you're proud of?
- Oh, yes.
You're smart and thoughtful
and you've always had a sweet heart.
I'm really proud of you.
- Thank you mom.
I love you.
- Have I grown up to be someone that you're proud of?
- I can't be anything other than proud of you, honey.
Of course I'm proud of you.
- Thanks, mom.
- And your story's not over.
Shit, you're writing it right now.
I can't wait to see what's next.
- Thanks, mom.
I don't know how to handle the emotion.
- You're gonna do great things in this world.
You already are.
So, cheers to Sofia and the amazing work
that she's gonna do.
- Thanks, dad.
(light music)
- It makes me happy to see you be able to talk about
something uncomfortable really openly
as much as both of us can.
- Little disappointed to hear all that shit about grandma.
But, yeah.
- [Narrator] Buy the truth or drink game now.
You definitely don't wanna miss out on this.
It's a (beep) blast.
(light music)