"First, he was a cast member on Saturday Night Live for many years.
He has done all the presidents that we've had to suffer through.
And I'm really honored to have him, he's gonna be walking out for a few minutes
and joining us.
Please give a warm welcome to Darrell Hammond!"
"Good evening, I'm Donald Trump.
Of course, most of you know who I am already because I'm rich and I'm handsome."
And you don't hate Trump?
Why would I?
Why would an anthropologist hate his work?
You get a call from Steve Higgins and what does Steve tell you?
We're gonna replace you as Trump.
Alec's really famous.
And you're not.
"Good evening, America.
I'm gonna be so good tonight."
But then I said, "Well, I guess if Alec's not going to play him after the election,
if they don't win, then I'll play him again."
And then the most curious thing, "No, you won't play Trump here any more."
So you sat on that bench that day and you cried?
And threw up.
There?
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah!
It was violent.
"The Donald has a few plans for that stodgy and outdated White House, you understand?
Gentleman, I give you, the Trump House."
When he hosted, was when I got my first sense of him.
No one ever came earlier, no one ever stayed later.
"Do that thing, go ahead."
"You're fired."
He converts unpleasant into pleasant.
I saw that when Tom Brady hosted.
I saw that when Peyton Manning hosted, and in particular with Derek Jeter.
These are cats that walk in and go, "I can't act, but I'm pretty sure I've always been
able to figure out how to win."
"Please welcome King Midas himself, Donald Trump!"
We were doing a sketch with me and Amy Poehler and Trump was in the sketch.
And he's sitting there with me, and we're on a break, and says to me, "So listen, I
can't act.
I'm not an actor.
But I have this theory that if I go off script a little, it will be more spontaneous and
look more real.
And being real is being funny."
"Watch!"
His brain rejects negativity.
Maybe too much so.
Did you watch the election?
No.
Did you watch election night?
Where were you on election night?
I was right here on the couch.
Watching TV?
What were you doing?
Game of Thrones.
There was an election going on.
I got kicked out -- I'm not in the life.
I'm not in that world any more and it didn't feel good, so I didn't want to be reminded
of that.
"The feeling is that without this measure, I will dismiss this entire impeachment as a meaningless,
partisan affair.
Much the way you have."
"The lockbox would be used only for social security and Medicare."
Everybody remembers the lockbox.
Tell me what happens to you -- you're in your office, right?
And you're typically by yourself?
I was in my dressing room.
And what happens in that moment?
I knew I couldn't go out there.
I was shaking.
I was clutching the carpet.
I can't talk.
I'm too scared to talk.
"You may think you know the location of the lockbox."
I created a crisis that was manageable and just made a little cut.
I mean the way you described it -- is that the cut?
It's one of them.
Cutting is really a way to create a more manageable crisis than the one going on in your head.
That's one reason to cut.
Another reason to cut is to let people know, there's something wrong in my house, please
come look.
"Instead I will take those remarks and put them away.
Away in a tiny lockbox."
What time am I going out there, man?
It's getting late.
You know, Clinton, most elegant person ever.
Wearing a tux, greeting everyone.
When I met Bush, he was waiting for me at the cocktail party like this.
Remember Rosie O'Donnell was going after him?
"Big pig! He's a big pig! Big pig! Whore! Pig!"
Trump's like, "Yeah, and? Your point is?
If I had a dollar for every time -- oh wait a minute, I do!"
"Ladies and gentelmen, Darrell Hammond!"