instantly gain an advantage over others when it comes to arguing and debate
stay tuned hey this is Damon Cart from NLP Gym neural linguistic programming is
the study and the technology of creating the life that you desire and I've been
studying and mastering this for the past several years in order to create the
life that I desire and also help you create the life you desire that sounds
good to you please click subscribe to this YouTube channel so you can get
these videos on a regular basis I've been arguing and debating since as far
back as I can remember I actually enjoy doing it I know that might sound a
little bit strange but it's to me it's more like sport and along the way I've
learned a lot of lessons and what I learned NLP I also learned a lot of
better ways to argue and debate in this video I'm going to give you three tips
that will instantly make you a better debater and make you better at arguments
and winning debates and arguments these are lessons that I've had to learn
repeatedly I still have to relearn them sometimes because I end up catching
myself and realizing that I'm not following my own rules and following the
lessons that I've learned so this is not something you have to get perfect right
away the first tip is to know your outcome what do you want overall from
winning the debate or winning the argument do you want to win some someone
over to your side do you want to win an audience over to your side and what will
winning be so how would you know it if you were winning the argument or the
debate so get very clear about where you want to take the conversation or take
the argument or debate before you start arguing or if you already find yourself
in an argument suddenly and you weren't expecting it take a moment to figure out
where do I want to go with this because if it's just about being right then your
focus is going to be on you and you could actually mess up perhaps some good
relationships with people if you're overly focused on being right
and like smashing them with your argument so get clear what will winning
be like winning isn't necessarily pushing the person into a corner and
making them feel bad or making them feel like they lost an argument that might
not be your ultimate outcome so with this winning meme get very clear about
that as you're going through the argument and preferably before the
argument you don't always get that time to do that but as you're going through
the argument and this might change your outcome might change you might decide to
go somewhere else with it but have a clear target where do you
want to drive your points toward and then ultimately how how do you know when
you win the argument so that you can then exit the argument an example of
knowing your outcome your outcome just might be I want to open this person's
mind to a new perspective that's a great place to come from when you're looking
to formulate an outcome not that you want to win not that even maybe want to
win them over to your side completely it's I want to open their mind to my
perspective a different perspective and if I can do that and that's my outcome
and to me that's me winning number to know who the judge and the jury is and
usually they're the same person so think about a lawyer in that courtroom the
lawyer is not trying to win over the other lawyer that's not the idea the
lawyer is trying to win over the jury and if there's not a jury the lawyers
trying to win over the judge so know who your judge and jury is so if you're
debating with someone and it's an actual competition debate you're trying to win
over the judge you're not trying to necessarily win the other person the
other party over to your side now if there is a case where you're trying to
win the other person over to your side then you want to de-escalate it and not
make it as much of an argument a good example of this is if you're arguing
with a spouse you don't want to necessarily win in the sense of
pummeling them into the ground with all your good points and showing them that
you're right that's not going to end up very good for you later
so what you would want to do in a situation like that is
escalate the argument into a conversation and then win them over
gently and the same thing goes for sales you're not going to argue somebody into
a sell you want to make good points and then if they give you if they give you
some pushback some objections some resistance you want to make sure you
keep it a conversation and gently win them over with using good logic good
points and also make sure that you're attending to their feelings in our point
of view the more you can say okay I understand your point of view and
demonstrate that you do understand their point of view then you can more easily
take them over to your side one of my guilty pleasures is arguing politics on
Facebook it doesn't go anywhere I'm not expecting to win the other person over
but there is an audience who's watching so I'm actually playing to the audience
I want to make good points and show the people who are reading the back and
forth that my point is stronger point or correct point and I want to take apart
the other person's points so the judge and a jury in that in that case or is
the audience the people who are watching or reading
so make sure you're very clear about who that is because if it's a one-on-one and
you want to win that person over to your side it's a very different kind of
argument than if you're actually in competition or you're trying to show
other people who are watching the argument that you're correct and that
your point of view is more solid and a stronger point of view so make sure
you're aware of who that is who are you trying to win over number three speak
your truth rather than trying to be right when you're constantly trying to
be right then it's just about meeting the other person or feeding them with
techniques or tactics with arguing and they can catch you on these techniques
and tactics and they can really catch you when you've disconnected from what
it is that deep down meaning of your argument that the reason that you're
arguing this side to begin with where your point of view comes from if you
come from a place of this is meaningful to me this is my truth this is what I
want to communicate that's a much stronger position to come from then oh I
caught you in something oh I got this little technique I'm gonna throw at you
so an example of this is again in politics which is one of the most heated
things that you can argue about if I'm just arguing point for point or I'm
taking that person's points and trying to constantly deconstruct them and break
them apart and I forget where I'm coming from work where do I feel it in my heart
that I'm coming from from my point of view and when I when you connect with
that you you want to stay connected to that because that's your Center and
that's where you're always going to be strongest from remember why you're
arguing this side the point of view that you're arguing what other people will do
quite often is they'll try to create a false equivalency so say you're arguing
politics and you say well your person did this this and this and that's just
wrong and then they're going to try to create an equivalency of someone on your
the political spectrum doing something similar so they can say well you see
they do it too so it's just the same that's when you want to again get in
contact with or connect with what it is that is your meaningful side of the
argument and say look this is not about who did what this is is this what we
want for our country is this the direction that we want to go in is this
morally and ethically right for everyone in this country not just a select few so
that would be an example of me coming from where my heart is is you know I
don't care if you can go tit for tat on who did what my thing is let's look at
the bigger the meta on this and say okay what do we really want out of this where
do we really want to take this what direction do we want to take you know is
it is it really about combat and and politics or is it about what's best for
the country so I do this a lot and the times that have lost connection to the
deeper meaning of my point of view and the side that I'm arguing are usually
when I get caught on these little technicalities that they're using like
this false equivalency or they may catch me in some sort of
contradiction are they important they can put anything together like that but
they can't argue with your truth that's the main thing when you're coming from
your heart and you're coming from your truth
you're already won the argument and especially if they've lost connection
with their their truth and their meaning then they usually have lost that
altogether some people say that in arguing and debating that the truth
really doesn't count I completely disagree with that know your stuff know
your truth and know what it is you're talking about Jordan Peterson talks a
lot about that where if you're going to debate with someone know your stuff if
you want confidence know your stuff and I completely agree I don't always agree
with him but I agree with that check out my website NLP-Gym.com there I have
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