-I have, like, body dysmorphia so I... -You do? Why?
Yeah, I just-I'm not really into, like, my body.
Me too. I don't like my body.
-No! You look so good! -Bro, are you kidding me?
I'm telling you, dude, after this thing
I'll take off my clothes and I look like a substitute teacher.
-And I got a fat ass. -Alright, alright, alright. Let me see.
Christopher. That thing is--okay!
Hell yes. Absolutely, dude. It's like a cafeteria ass.
Welcome to Stupid Questions with Chris DeStefano.
We are in Los Angeles. Good city.
Kim Kardashian, avocados,
gangs, all that and we're with Brian Moses.
I want to do some Stupid Questions
-that are in the theme of roasting. -Okay.
Andrew Jackson.
You want to roast Andrew Jackson from the 20?
-Yeah. -Why?
Because he was, like, people say he was a racist
but I think it was more than that.
-He was just a man about money. -Right. Right.
And then I would go for that and be like
"Ah, you didn't make any money."
-and he'd be like "Yes I did!" -Yeah.
He's like he's like Trump in that way.
Well you know what the interesting part
about roasting somebody like that
is because he didn't understand the rules
so you would be roasting and having a good time
and he'd just take out a shotgun and shoot you.
That's true. He'd be like, "Get this slave out of here!"
-Yeah, he'd be like "Why is he talking?" -Yeah.
Here's a Stupid Question:
Uh, the first person I had sex with, um...
is bipolar.
So probably her.
Probably her.
Cause it would be more interesting.
I like to be stimulated a little.
First person who had sex with, I was 17, an uh...
Same, me too!
-17? -Yeah
Yeah dude, she was great. Half Jamaican half Italian.
-You like that diversity. -Love it dude.
-Yeah, why not? -Love it dude. I love it dude!
I remember she came over
and she like rang the bell she was like is your mom home.
And I was like "no."
She was like "you want to have sex?"
I was like "no."
And she was like "well I'm horny," I was like "oh boy."
So we walked up the stairs I remember.
-And then I lay down -You laid down?
I laid down, yeah.
And then I just couldn't get it up
-And she punched me in the chest. -No!
I swear to god she did.
That did it. Yes. And that's still to this day
I have these aggressive things.
I'm going to kill somebody some day... accidentally.
-Wow. -Yeah, dude.
That's one of the greatest Stupid Questions
-in the history of Stupid Questions. -Wild, cuz.
-I bring the heat. -You know, watching TV.
-I love TV. This show's on TV! -You love TV?
I want people to see Stupid Questions on the Internet.
Well, yeah. Some TV is also on the Internet.
-TV raised me. -But you don't care about the ocean then?
-I can see it on TV. -That's true. You can see it on TV.
So I won.
I'm good with the-I don't need the ocean.
I also think my dad's probably dumped people's bodies
in the ocean.
I think there's just some natural connection.
Yeah, like they'll come back and get you?
Yeah, yeah, yeah like aah!
Okay, this right here
This is a stupid question.
-We'd be the foxes because foxes are cunning -Okay.
and they're kind of sexy, and we'd be orange and green.
Cool. I like that orange and green.
Kind of like The Hurricanes.
If I was a school, what would my colors be? My colors
would probably be just the colors the Italian flag.
Very on brand for you.
And the mascot would just be a garlic knot.
Running and rolling around.
Know what's a good part Stupid Questions
is at the end you get a stupid gift.
Really? What'd you get me?
Brian Moses, that's your name.
-DeStefano's yours. -Right.
So what I got you... Ten Commandments on DVD, baby.
Moses, moses.
And I apologize for him being white.
-I just think that's just... -I really appreciate this.
...that's what the movie was back in the day.
I just think, like, you represent new Moses.
We should make new commandments.
Let's make new commandments.
So what's the first commandment? In our new commandments.
Well what's the first commandment in general.
Thou shall not kill.
If my mother is watching this.
I literally have the rosary beads tattooed on my arm.
I don't know the ten commandments.