Marrying someone for security. Hi, my name is Paul Friedman. I founded
The Marriage Foundation and I think I can help you with this.
First of all, if you're even asking that question
you're a woman. Men do not go there. Men create security for the environment
we call marriage and many women who have been
raised in Western society are getting torn by this idea
of, "I should be an independent woman. I shouldn't be dependent on my husband
for a livelihood. We should be equal partners."
We should this, that and the other thing and there's all of this
conversation going on about this topic but let's be realistic. Let's understand
a very deep reality, a factual reality
that is that you are essentially a soul. You are a soul that's why they
use the term soulmate. This is not a religious dogma, that's
what you are. You're a soul
and at the same time, because you have a body and you have a
mind, those are material so you are a
blend you might say of spirit, soul
and nature, the material body and the mind
and we call that the ego and that's how you're identified.
As a woman, you're a soul who has been born
into a female body. I hope this is not too deep.
You have a female body. You didn't know yourself as a woman
until people said, "Oh look, she's so cute."
"Oh, look at her." And then you lean towards doing things that are
feminine. Now, this is very important stuff
because in the psychological community they try to pretend that these are all
learned behaviors and that's nonsense.
As a woman, your body is a female body. It's gender-specific
it compared to a man's body. It can carry a baby. Man's body can't
and there's a lot of things that go along with this.
It's not just because you have a uterus but there are a bunch of
things that are tied to being a woman. The deep subconscious
reality is that as a woman because you're going to be carrying
a newborn and because you're going to be the one
who's primarily responsible for the sustenance of this child
all the way up until you're dead. You have been afforded a
certain ability to tap into your heart that men don't have in general
and this is what makes you a woman. It's one of the things that define you as a
woman. You're still the soul but one of these
compulsions is for you to be dependent on a man
while you're raising this child. It goes way back.
You could look at it at primitive mankind when the man was the
hunter-gatherer and the woman had to be there all the time for this
child or the child would die.
Those distinguishing traits have not left.
They're still there. When you ask the question
about getting married for security the answer is of course
every woman does subconsciously primarily
but that's the role of a woman based on her gender. Now
that is important but there's something much
more important to consider and that is
that you need to make sure that the man you marry
reaches the level of man with his attributes
that are equivalent to those that you need for him to be there till the very
end. So to marry a man just for security
might be setting you up and the security will fade away because
you need to be able to love this man in order for him to feel
drawn to you so that he doesn't stray. because one of the requirements
that go along with being the woman in a marital relationship is that she
expresses unconditional love to her husband
in many forms
as a companion, sexually which is really intimacy,
as a support and where is the motivation if you don't love him if you don't have
a high level of respect for him as a man. So,
is it okay? Yes. Is it okay, if it's the only reason? No.
You need to evaluate. I suggest that you take a look at the Premarital
Academy. See what's offered there so you have a
deeper understanding of this
but don't be ashamed of how you feel about that.
It's actually right on. Blessings to you, our prayers to you.
God bless!