With a knowledge of early childhood development and then the addition of our research and the
research of others what we know is that there are six major risk factors and if our children
become available for our families by adoption or fostering they've got at least some of the
risk factors the first risk factor is a difficult pregnancy it can just be mom was stressed it could
be mom didn't have enough to eat it could be there was argument between the mother and the biological
father or it could be that there was argument in her family of origin but all of those things
create profound stress on a developing baby's brain it could be a difficult birth some children
have protracted labors or forced Labor's some children have tiny hypoxic episodes where there's
just a just a fraction of a period of time where there's a little oxygen deprivation it's common
in all children but it's considered a hard place some children are premature and they have early
hospitalization instead of nurturing care those three risk factors are very often overlooked when
we think about our children coming home the three risk factors that are easy for us to recognize or
abuse neglect and trauma but unfortunately many of the children who come to us had a loading of
risk factors and some of our children have had all the risk factors for families who adopt a
child at birth they think that will be a low risk situation but a child who has come home to us at
3 days of age will still have some loss to deal with it's going to take on the part of parents
tremendous insight and tremendous sensitivity and we have to come to our children with great
respect for where they've come from even if you are in the delivery room and held that child when
they were 5 minutes old that child has lost and that child had some risk in utero and we have to
look at our children's behavior and remember that brain formation trust formation brain chemistry
sensory processing all of those were determined the first year before birth on the first year
after birth we have to look at our child's behavior and always see where they have come
from parents will say well my child can't possibly remember I adopted them at 18 months of age and I
will tell you that the harm that is done before a child has brain maturation is harder for them to
deal with than the harm that was done when they were 4 years old and they had maturity in the
frontal lobes and they can say I remember when a child who didn't have care in the early days
of life will say I have a sense of hunger I have a sense of loneliness I have a sense of danger but
that child can't retrieve a concrete memory to deal with that doesn't mean it's not there and
we always have to look at our children through the eyes of their history we have to deal with
behavior we have to be proactive about behavior but we must never forget where our children have
come from because it is always always influencing their thinking and their feeling and how they
believe one of the really important things for parents is to remember that everything that they
do with their children everything that they face with their children they've got to look with hours
of compassion you can't just see the behavior you have to understand and remember always at child's
history we talked in our book about having compassion as your touchstone when you don't
understand a behavior go back and stand and look through the eyes of your child I love the story of
Jesus standing in front of lies grave he knew full well he's fixing to call that boy forth from the
grave but his sisters wept and Jesus wept with him not because he didn't know what was fixing
to happen but because he had compassion and he felt their pain we must never forget where our
children have come from and we must always look with God's eyes and that will be I so compassion