It's a wonderful day today and I don't know if you know this
or not, but George Washington's birthday today.
Give it up for G Dubz.
George Washington was the father of our country
and he was famous for saying that he could not tell a lie.
He was also a Pisces, according to Cosmo,
that means that he was very attentive to the sexual needs
of his partner.
So apparently the ladies didn't need to lie to him, either.
Know what I'm saying?
I looked up George Washington.
He's had so many wonderful quotes
and here's one thing I want to share with you today.
It said, "real integrity is doing the right thing
knowing that nobody's going to know whether you did it
or not."
Isn't that amazing?
That's beautiful.
Actually it wasn't George Washington
that said that, it was Oprah, she said it.
I think we can all agree she's smart, she's inspirational,
she's here today.
So speaking of Oprah and president,
something happened over the weekend that got my attention.
As you know, our current president
spends a lot of time tweeting as our forefathers really intended
for the president to do.
And this is what President Trump tweeted on Sunday night,
"just watched a very insecure Oprah Winfrey,
who at one point I knew very well,
interview a panel of people on '60 Minutes.'
The questions were biased and slanted, the facts incorrect,
hope Oprah runs so she can be exposed and defeated just
like all the others."
Oh no you didn't.
No, no, no.
He's gone too far.
Oprah is my friend, and when you mess with Oprah,
you mess with me.
Let's break down the president's tweet.
First he said Oprah is insecure.
OK, so here is Oprah speaking in front of her colleagues,
and it doesn't seem like she's insincere, you see.
So I want all the girls watching here, now to know,
that a new day is on the horizon.
And when that new day finally dawns,
it will be because of a lot of magnificent women, many of whom
are right here in this room tonight.
And some pretty phenomenal men.
Fighting hard to make sure that they become the leaders who
take us to the time when nobody ever
has to say, "Me, Too" again.
Now here is the president speaking
in front of his colleagues.
Look at those hands, are they small hands?
And he referred to my hands, if they're small,
something else must be small.
I guarantee you there's no problem, I guarantee it.
You know everyone knows that when
you talk about how big your hands are,
it means you're very secure.
Now, the president also said he knows Oprah.
I know Oprah and here's what Oprah did to help people
on her talk show.
All right, open your boxes.
You get a car!
Oh my goodness!
Everybody gets a car!
And here's what President Trump did
to help the people in Puerto Rico.
You get paper towels, and you get paper towels,
and you get paper towels.
So, President Trump, it's time for an aha moment, OK.
You're not just some guy on Twitter anymore,
you're the president for all of us.
It is your job to unite people and you
don't do it by attacking people, especially Oprah.
I mean George Washington may be the father of our country,
but Oprah is the mother of our country.
Like I said, you don't mess with Oprah, she's my friend.
Hi, I'm Andy.
Ellen asked me to remind you to subscribe to her channel
so you can see more awesome videos, like videos
of me getting scared or saying embarrassing things,
like ball peen hammer.
And also some videos of Ellen and other celebrities,
if you're into that sort of thing.