Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
'Quit moving around like a jerk enough. You're making me seasick.'
There is one big problem with Robowar
‘What is that?'
It’s Predator.
‘What the hell’s that?’
I don’t mean, it’s got a similar plot, I mean that apart from having a robot instead of an alien
‘Could it be maybe be a machine?’
it’s Predator.
'What's this we?'
'Well I'm coming with you.'
'What do you mean we?'
'I'm going in with you Dutch.'
'It's strange major.'
'Strange major.'
'Like ambush.'
'There was a fire fight.'
'They shoot in all directions.'
'They were shooting in all directions.'
'I got a painless cure here for you.'
'Old painless is waiting.'
'there's no blood, no body, we didn't hit a damn thing.'
'No blood, no bodies, we hit nothing.'
'He's picking us off, one by one, like a hunter.'
'He's killings us one at a time.'
'Like a hunter.'
You’ve almost got admire the balls of theft on this scale.
‘There must be a breakdown in their main memory bank.’
In many ways it’s barely worth reviewing this.
‘We have lost control’
If you didn’t like predator, you won’t like Robowar,
if you did like Predator, you still won’t like Robowar,
and if you haven’t seen either, I really would start with Predator.
‘No!’
But there is a question worth asking here.
How is it possible to steal so much from a good film and end up with such a bad one?!
Well for starters the alien in Predator is hidden at the start, building the tension.
'Shut up.'
while the gimp suited robot in Robowar first appears 20 minutes in.
And his behaviour is very odd
‘The son of a bich is proud of it too’
He’s a military robot designed for combat,
‘Omega 1 is the perfect and ultimate weapon’
and yet he can somehow miss an entire building from 20 feet away.
and his treatment of his victims is more like a hunter
‘His guts have been all scooped out’
Or ‘predator’ if you will.
‘He no hide, yet we no see him’
Plus, some of his weapons really seem a bit silly.
'Hey, what's that on your foot?'
Where have I seen that before?
'Lousy arm, must be rigged.'
'That's her officers, the one who programmed me for evil.'
Most damning of all, like all military weapons Omega 1 has a remote destruct control, however...
‘It’ has a limited distance’
What’s point of a remote destruct that only works at close range?!
‘He’s got his back turned’
And face to face.
Then there’s the characters
‘Drug addicts and fags, I bet they got AIDS too’
What charming people, I shall certainly be rooting for these highly trained soldiers.
‘It’s you!’
Especially since their motivations are depicted in such a subtle and cinematic way.
'I've got to this, or he'll kill us all.'
Finally, there’s the overall tone which is so jingoistically gung ho that it makes Predator itself look like some pansy, liberal fairy story.
'WHY!?'
Oops. Oh well you gotta expect a little collateral damage.
‘We turn this hospital into a gigantic bomb’
Not big on irony, these guys.
'It's over.'
'It's finally over.'
So what makes this worse than Predator?
Everything! The acting!, the effects, the bloody music! the script, ‘It’s finally over’ The pacing, the editing, the way they pass through the same bit of forest nine times
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'...Three...'