- Hi, I'm Patti Harrison
- No one likes you, and I'm Joel Kim Booster.
- Is that true?
And you're watching Unsend,
where we celebrate the best and worst of the web,
But mostly, the worst.
- So let's jump right into Unsend.
- Come on everybody, the water's fine.
(shooting noise) - I'm already damp.
- You're nasty, watch your volume.
(party music)
(cheering)
Our social media profiles really
define and brand who we are,
and what we want to say to the world.
- And I got to say, you and I are really differing on
queer, all body con asian, egg roll.
- Futuristic, ravishing, demonic,
laugh out loud piss, shit, cum squirty squirty.
Yes, today our brand is tight but was it always?
- That's why we're digging into vintage socials
and asking the question:
- [Hosts] Defend or Delete?
(futuristic music)
- So first I'd like to just start with this tweet
that you shot off in 2015, "Sorry
"I only do butt stuff with verifieds."
Like why did you think this was okay?
- It was 2015.
I was a different person then.
I think I have a different point
of view now, I wasn't verified then.
- Oh.
- I didn't know what verified people were like. I
made a mistake I deeply regret
saying that, anything like that.
- 'Cause I guess my question is,
what did you think verified people were like then?
'Cause you do know that you can have like 400 followers
and write one article for Huff. Post Queer Voices
and you can get verified these days,
you know it's super easy.
- I thought verified people were better and I still do.
- What's going on?
Is your Latisse ******* you up again?
- Yeah.
I can only say I'm
really sorry.
- So you would delete?
- I would delete.
So, Joel, we have this first post here.
The caption says, "It's not delivery,
"it's the $7 Digiorno
"that they put in a microwave for me
"because we're all trapped on this train
"and have no other options
"hashtag train life."
- There's a broader context here,
I was trapped on an Amtrak train
from New York to Chicago for 27 hours
and I didn't have any other food options,
so I had to buy the food on the train,
and so this is a comment on capitalism and train life.
Again, it's funny.
- Joel. - It's funny, I'm funny!
- Joel!
I don't think you should delete it.
- Oh wow.
- [Patti] I agree with you.
- Thank you.
- And one thing that you didn't actually talk on
that I thought was pretty cool was that
you took this
this iconic
slogan from Digiorno,
it's not delivery, it's Digiorno,
and you spun it in this kind of academic way
where everyone was like, - No, okay, I thought you were
on my side, - [Patti] Reading it, and they
were like, it's not delivery, - and now it's clear,
you're making fun of me. - They think they know.
And look at this absolute fire - And listen,
this was four years ago. - Yes, it's the $7, oh my God,
and you're, oh my God, Joel.
- I know what you're doing and I'm
gonna accept all of that that you just said
at face value, because,
I am smart, and I'm good, and I'm funny, and I'm worth it.
(electronic music)
- Death.
Stop, it's my own personal religious belief
that dying is so bad.
But you know what's the best, very good?
Seeing random celebrities insert themselves
into a memorial of the deceased.
- That is fun.
- It's very good.
So let's take a moment to comb through
social media condolences and memorials
in a segment I call,
I Know Dead People - Oh, my God.
(laughs)
That is so funny.
- Here we go.
Gonna start off with my girl Kirstie Alley,
who gave us this absolutely heart-wrenching
tribute to Stephen Hawking,
"You had a good go at it,
"thanks for your input."
- "Thanks for your input"?
Hawking is a world renowned
British theoretical physicist
known for his contributions to the fields
of cosmology, general relativity, and quantum gravity!
- Yeah, and Kirstie's acting like
Stephen is her old nutritionist
who gently suggested cutting back on dairy.
- Not a chance, bitch, I love sour cream!
- Also, I'm going absolutely wild crazy cuckoo
for this emoji-riddled tweet from Cher to Stephen.
"Dear Stephen, will remember our luncheon forever.
"It was amazing.
"I know we argued about the value of history.
"'Cher, when time travel is perfected,
"'history will obsolete.'"
- Then we get into the latter part of the tweet,
which is rhymes and riddles
and a potpourri of punctuation.
History is like a friend, comma,
and new quotations, hashtags are like
chicken emoji scratches to me,
shocked face emoji, capitalized dyslexia,
RIP dear, cap the D, heart emoji, no end quotes.
- Girl, pass me some of what you are smoking,
this tweet is lit.
- Gross, okay?
Disgusting, it's too much.
- It is too much, it's all too much.
So I'd like to call for an end to this behavior.
- Oh, you mean, tasteless posts about
celebrity deaths, or-
- No, death in general.
I'm against it.
It should be banned.
- Oh my God, Patti.
No, we can't,
we talked about this,
this is not a political show, okay?
- Call your senators, vote them out.
- Vote who out, the dead?
- We're here, we're queer, and we'll never die.
We're here, we're queer, and we'll never die.
- Let's talk movies, because here's the thing.
We're millennials.
- We're young as ****.
- I'm so young my skin is like a baby.
So we don't have 90 minutes to spare to watch
any old full ass feature film,
heck, we don't even have time to watch a trailer.
- I don't even have time to let you
finish your sentence, Joel.
- I got most of it out.
So let's review the latest streaming releases
using a method of criticism we can understand: our phones,
without doing any research.
- Okay, to be clear,
we're gonna review movies based solely
on the thumbnail posters of what's streaming online?
- Okay! - Movies!
- Yeah! - Movies!
- Yeah, movies!
- Movies.
- Yeah.
Okay, here we have Alright Now
with I believe that's Cobie Smothers.
That's her name, right?
- Can't read it.
But what I can see is Miss Cobie
looking at me with her smothering smolder.
And she's got a leather jacket on, baby.
That can only mean one thing, baby.
This lady stays unplain and yells cuss words
and tells authority figures to kiss her butt, baby.
I am frankly scared to death of this maniac bitch, baby.
- No, thank you, she's got a guitar in the background?
Swiping away!
Irrational Man, looks like Joaquin Pheonix,
which, I gotta be honest, I'm always surprised
when I remember he's alive,
not that I have anything against Joaquin Pheonix,
it's just when I think about him, I want him dead.
- True.
And Emma Stone, with her eyes and rasp
and whimsy and wonder.
I like those qualities in a leading gal.
- Same!
Okay, maybe we'll give this one a-
oh shit.
Oh no.
Oh, dang it, Patti, dang it!
You see that font?
That old timey, jazzy font?
The signature font of an accused child molester?
They just about tricked us into watching
a Woody Allen joint!
- No thank you, no more pedophile movie for me.
Okay, I'll have nothing to do with
this trash titty movie, next.
- And now we've got My Friend Dahmer.
Now, you know they've already tickled my interests
because you know how I love a movie poster
with one big head looking this way
and then a little head looking this way,
and then another head looking this way.
- It's very powerful.
Plus they've got pinkish hues,
and a guy who looks sad and misunderstood.
There's a sweetness to this Jeffery Dahmer,
and I like that.
Also, his glasses are chic as hell.
Who is that lady staring at us underneath?
Guessing she's playing his mother his-
- Oh my God, it's Anne Heche
I need this new series!
Stream this, rent this, buy this,
put it in a sandwich and put it in my mouth!
- You know I have a gymnastics injury.
- I'm so sorry, forgot.
- Well, we did it.
- We sure did done do it.
- We did the ding daddy.
- Yup, that's the end of our show.
- And it's the end of your life.
- Wait, uh, what?
- Nothing, thanks for watching Unsend.
- Yeah, bye, can we-
- Oh no, I immediately feel bad for doing that.