Sadhguru, how can a person stay committed to someone in a relationship?
Is it natural to love someone and yet be sexually attracted to others?
What should be the proper course of action that should follow or how does one handle
this?
Sadhguru: See, there is… there is a psychological integrity, there is emotional integrity, but
there is a biological integrity also.
Integrity does not mean morality.
Integrity means you create a situation where it works best for you.
So when we say integrity, suppose I say there is a certain integrity to my body, this means
it’s strong and resistant to a whole lot of things, isn't it?
It doesn’t mean I am morally stuck in something.
So I am talking about…
I want you to understand the word integrity in that context.
We are talking about integrity in terms of strength of this life.
So if that is the thing, is it true…
Do you remember how your great-great-great-great-great-grandmother, ten generations ago looked like?
Do you remember?
No!
But her nose is sitting on your face (Laughter).
Yes or no?
Body remembers, isn't it?
Body remembers your forefathers a million years ago, yes or no?
So what you're calling as my body is a heap of memory, isn't it so?
Hmm?
Moderator (Ria): Yes.
Sadhguru: Memory or no?
See, now from Nepal you came to Shillong, you eat a lot of this Meghalaya food, your
features won’t change.
Because your body remembers what is your genetics, no matter what.
Or you start eating let’s say cow’s food or dog’s food, your body will not get confused
and become a dog or a cow, because there is evolutionary memory in this.
Do what you want, it never gets confused, isn't it?
You start thinking “I am a dog” and start barking like one, still the body won’t change,
yes or no?
Mentally you can, but body has such a deep rooted memory.
So this entire body what you have is essentially a certain integrity of memory.
If that loses that memory integrity, then you will see it will become vulnerable to
so many things.
Now the nature of the body is such that anything that you touch with a certain level of involvement
will naturally absorb that memory, not mentally, physically it will absorb that memory.
In…
Traditionally in this culture we call this runanubandha, you’ve heard of such a word?
Hmm?
Runanubandha.
What this means is, physical memory that you gather.
Why people…
You know, you will see this with people.
Let’s say in their home, they will go and sit in one place.
This will…
Usually the older people you will see, they want to go and sit in the same place.
They won’t sit in another place, have you noticed this?
Moderator (Ria): Yes.
Sadhguru: Even your dog, he comes if he wants to sit here, he’ll smell this, he’ll smell
that, he’ll smell that, he’ll smell that and after much searching he will settle down
in that particular place.
Next time you chase him somewhere, he comes, he goes and sits in the same place.
Because there is memory.
Today there is forensic equipment, where you are sitting here right now, you went away,
after two, three, eight hours if they come - not with a…a dog, a dog can easily do
it - but with forensic equipment we come here and just check this chair and we know it was
you who was sitting here, not somebody else.
So there is memory.
Wherever you sit, stand, whatever you touch, there is memory and transaction happening
all the time.
Well, you come from Nepal, in India also it’s very much there, in south it’s very strongly
there, north maybe it’s become weakened - we… people never give salt to another
person, do you know this?
Here also?
If somebody gives you salt, you say “Please keep it there,” because there are certain
materials which transmit memory much better than others.
Salt, sesame seeds, lemons, like this if you give, traditional people they’ll say “Keep
it there, I will take it.”
Because they don’t want to develop Runanubandha to you… with you.
Now, in India if you see older generation of people, if you try to shake their hands,
they’ll do…do like this (Gestures namaskaram) because they don’t want to get runanubandha
with you.
Because the idea is to keep the integrity of your body’s memory in such a way that
it doesn’t become vulnerable to other things, that you become a very integrated life.
If you want to nurture yourself to be a certain possibility, then you have to maintain the
memory integrity.
This is what runanubandha means, you keep your physical memory to the minimal.
A sexual interaction is something where a huge amount of memory is taken from one to
the other.
So, always, not in this society, everywhere else, forever people saw the advantage of
keeping that memory to the minimal.
If you com…
If you make that memory very complex, you will see to be at ease will become very difficult,
after sometime.
There will be pleasure but there’ll be no joy in your life.
You can…
You can observe people, don’t go by what I am saying.
You can observe people, they will have pleasure, they will giggle all the time but you look
at them, there is no joy in them, there is no ease.
Because the ease will go away with excessive memory.
This is not only with sexuality, there are many other things that you do like this.
Right now you see this very much in the western societies.
Wherever I go, especially in America, people will come, “Sadhguru, where is my hug?”
I say, “It must be with you (Laughter), why is it with me, hmm (Laughs)?”
It is not like at a certain moment when you feel close to somebody you hug them.
It’s like all the time, you have to touch people because today’s psychiatrists are
analyzing these things and saying that is because they’ve not been sufficiently touched
by bem…by their mothers and parents at an early age.
When they grow up, they desperately longing to touch somebody all the time.
All these things have a serious impact on one’s life, how much physical contact when
the child is born.
This will determine how much physical contact they will long for later on.
And the memory of what an inf… infant picks up from the mother at that time, because till
a child becomes four-and-a-half years of age, in many ways energy wise it’s not a separate
life.
It’s still attached to the mother’s body.
Actually, if by nature if people go, till then they must be drinking the mother’s
milk and connected up to four-and-a-half years, that’s how naturally it was.
So the energy doesn’t mature; at that time more and more memory that you come… get
from the mother is better and better to strengthen this.
But once the child begins to move out and becom… becomes an individual, life is organizing
itself.
People come to me and say, “Sadhguru, can you bless my daughter, can you bless my son?”
First thing I ask is, “How old?”
If they say fifteen, sixteen, eighteen, all right.
If they are over twenty-one, I say “no.”
Because me blessing you, blessing will not go to your child, you may still think emotionally
“that’s my child” but as far as life is concerned, it’s become fully separate.
Generally the course of life is considered to be approximately eighty-four years or 1008
cycles of the moon.
The cycles of the moon and our body is very directly connected.
Only because our mothers’ bodies were in sync with the cycles of the moon, we are born.
Otherwise we wouldn’t be born, isn't it?
Hello?
So, a full life is considered 1008 cycles of the moon, which will approximately considered
as eighty-three to eighty-four years.
So if one crosses eighty-four, it is considered a full life.
In this the first quarter is the only time when it is connected to parentage.
After that the child must move.
Because energy wise you cannot connect those two lives anymore.
So that is when the longing, if you’ve not created enough integrity within yourself,
the longing for another body multiplies.
Even though the hormonal phase may be higher between fifteen to twenty, the longing to
bind and bond with somebody increases after twenty-one years of age because unknowingly
you have… you are like a satellite who fell off the main mother.
You come off the motherboard.
Now you want to attach to something, unless you find some integrity.
This is why between twelve and eighteen, one must do lot of sadhana to strengthen the body,
so that you don’t desperately bind yourself to something or somebody.
You must consciously, if you wish to take a partner, it must be a conscious process.
If it’s a compulsive process then you will pay the price for it.
This is not a question of morality.
It is not that this is sin that is sin.
The question is what is your priority in your life.
If your priority is to make this life rise to a higher possibility, then you must be
conscious.
If you want to somehow live and go, it’s okay (Laughs) (Applause).
Moderator (Ria): Thank you, Sadhguru.
Sadhguru: It means you are in a hurry (Laughter).
It means you are in a big rush.
Well, you must understand this, there are many aspects to this
but these terminologies come from another time.
Love as first sight is what you’re talking about right?
Am I right?
Love as first sight was happening very commonly at one time
when the opposite genders would not have seen each other on a daily basis.
You only got to see the girl when she was - this is the English scene I am talking about,
when the girl got into the carriage with her parents and you just looking
and she just looked at you like this (Gestures) (Laughter) boom (Applause).
Thunderbolt!
Now she is walking with you, talking with you, studying with you, now it’ll take time.
And it’s good it takes time (Laughs).
More time it takes, the better it is.
So these kind of terminologies come from another time when there was no exposure between genders.
The first girl you saw, boom (Few laugh).
So, you may be drawn to a certain person that is a different thing
but these things are essentially lack of exposure.
If you have sufficient exposure, you will see you will look at somebody carefully
and you don’t go boom like that, you’ll take your time and it’s good.
It’s good that you take your time to form proper strong relationships that’ll last…
See, you make a relationship in life because somewhere you think two is better than one,
isn’t it?
Two may be better than one for you, but you may be a nuisance in the relationship.
Yes (Laughs).
So, before you form any relationship of some gravity in your life,
first thing is, just look at this one (Referring to oneself).
“Is this one good enough for everything in the world?”
Because youth is the time when you must build this one, don’t be in a rush to live.
Don’t be in a rush to live when you have to grow.
In Tamil Nadu, in southern India, there is a certain wisdom among the farmers,
mango farmers especially.
If you plant a mango sapling, within twelve, fourteen months when the season comes it’ll
flower.
But you will see farmer will go judiciously plucking off all the flowers
because if you allow it fruit, it will come out with one or two fruits in the very first
season.
But if you do that, that particular tree will never grow to full size.
So, first three years, all flowers are taken off.
Only when the tree has become strong enough, you allow it come out with a fruit.
So there is a time to grow and there is a time to live.
Too early if you try to live, then you will see, growth will not happen
because growth happens at a certain time, very easily.
Later on ...not that it cannot happen, it’ll become more difficult
because life will engage you in many different ways.
So, when you are young; when you are studying, this is the time to grow on all levels-
Physically, mentally, emotionally, energy-wise you must maximize yourself, then you try to
live.
If you try to live too early, you will not become of much substance.
If you are not of much substance, the person that you hold relationships with,
if they grow well, they will look at you and wonder why did I get trapped with this one
(Laughs)?
Yes (Laughs) (Applause).