After Thomas' mom died almost three years ago,
he started spending a ton of money on partying
and charging it all on our credit cards.
He was pulling out cash from the credit cards to gamble.
I discovered that we're about $20,000 in debt.
We moved in with my mom in her
small, one-bedroom home, so there's five of us
living in one room.
This is our room.
It definitely doesn't fit five bodies.
I now have a part-time job,
and I actually went behind his back to apply for it.
We have no savings, no emergency money.
Our problems go way beyond his fears of me cheating.
Well, Caroline says her son-in-law's paranoia
is consuming his life and ruining his marriage
to her daughter.
She says not only is he convinced
Angelique is cheating, but he has also
thrown the entire family into financial ruin.
Well, I want to start unraveling this ball.
And are you cheating on your husband?
No.
Has he asked you straight up if you're cheating?
Yes. And have you answered him?
Yes.
Don't ever answer him again.
Okay. (applause)
I won't.
(applause)
Don't ever answer him again.
You two are entering in
to this delusion that he has.
And you are enabling him
incredibly.
You're enabling him incredibly,
and you're playing the game.
You have to stop playing the game.
Okay. It doesn't have
anything to do with you cheating.
It has to do with anxiety.
The number one fear in life
is rejection, not just for him, for everybody.
The number one need is acceptance.
The number one fear is rejection.
And apparently, he has a problem with both
and so, you're getting tested every day.
He's giving you a test.
And what he has to do is get reassurance every day
that you're not rejecting him,
that you're accepting him,
that there's not somebody else,
and so he digs in there and finds, oh, nothing there.
(sighs) It's like getting
a fix with heroin.
It reduces his anxiety for just a few minutes.
Then he goes and checks something else.
Okay, the gate's locked.
(sighs) Okay.
Then he goes over here and he says oh this looks suspicious.
Now you have to deny it, then when you deny, deny, deny,
he goes okay, I tested her and she passed.
And so every time you do that,
it gives him a fix and reduces his anxiety.
You can't fix his problem.
That's right, okay. (applause)
Okay?
So, he's wanting reassurance.
If he wants to come by and drive by the house, fine.
You can't control that.
But you don't have to answer FaceTime,
you don't have to answer 50 texts,
you don't have to answer 50 phone calls.
And if he comes home and pulls the covers back on you,
throw a bucket of water in his face.
(laughter and applause)
This is ridiculous.
(applause)
You cannot solve his problem
by constantly playing the game.
Don't play the game.
Okay, that makes sense.
And the fact that the two of you
are allowing him to abuse your minor child,
shame on you.
If he is going to do that,
then he is to have no further contact with her.
Cut him off, get him out,
do not let him talk to her anymore.
She's saying he has confused me,
he has hurt me, he's ruined my relationship with him,
he's ruined my relationship with you.
She's been pulled into this
and that's not okay.