he doesn't actually work here anymore
but for some reason he keeps on turning
up please welcome Joe Wilkinson are you
here for Rob Dracula I've gone for it
this year Jimmy I think anyone can wear
a Christmas jumper no offense I mean you
know there's some nice jumpers about but
not as nice as this it's a reindeer
called Adam and this jumper is called
Adam and the antlers say John phrases Oh
lower Rachel you must get recognized by
your fans all the time do you ever wish
you could sort of fly under the radar my
favorite time of the year is when I just
get to go skiing and you haven't got do
your hair and makeup you have got to
have all that awkwardness just put your
helmet on but you snood on no makeup
it's great and I should have brought my
skiing stuff with me if I just made sure
I would recognize you in skiing gear so
I've got a beard and a Viking once and
then this is kind of my look so much
more comfortable and it's warm and you
just don't have to have that awkward
social is that you is it not house house
Jimmy that's a challenging wank
[Applause]
sorry it feels like your shirts are
sticking out is there an issue with it
is okay well it actually it's my lucky
mascot your must what is your mascot man
yeah well you know like you know when
you go and you watch football or rugby
at a sports bar well I thought let's
bring that closer to home so I've
brought a sports bra you say you know
you've got joggers nipple
what about joggers tip Oh Bailey's
I've been waiting to see I think your
tits are broken well I'll try the
alpha-1 but you know what you know what
you were flagging me off earlier yeah it
was slowly going down
[Music]
[Applause]
oh you all right yeah I'm fine what of
it just ask him what what have you been
up to
it's been a busy week you know because
she fired me because you're a turd to
make a few extra bit of cash they've
been doing a few medical experiments on
them really had any side effects no side
effects you've got a massive leg a
hugely elongated arm and here on your
forehead
first things first
I don't associate leprechauns with
Christmas why are you dressed like that
nose leprechauns are quite offensive to
a lot of Irish people because they
represent stereotypes even as you're
saying this while wearing that yeah if
it was like a top house then that might
work who's a pure red hat I'd be a gnome
there's a subtle difference between the
different slightly magical creatures
going on here John and Roshan you go
first here's your script I'm going to do
a scene from When Harry Met Sally okay
but to make it a bit more of a challenge
I'd like you to play Sally John this
part of the show is this just you
deceive John in a wig I'm yellow
yellow highlighted line I've never seen
the firmware is it set New Castle is in
New York you know what I'm so glad I
never got involved with you
why are you gonna talk to that what's
the dope from the Magic Roundabout cool
it's not about you yes it is you are a
human affront to all women and I am a
woman don't feel great about this but I
don't hear anyone complaining you're out
the door too fast I think they have an
okay time I think your mustache is
upside down
how do you know that they really what do
you say that they faked an orgasm it's
possible you don't think I could tell
the difference no get out of here
Oh God oh yeah
oh yeah right there shove it right up my
I've gone off script of it sit the whole
ham
we used to work as a door-to-door
salesman Johnny um
yeah did you pay I did three nights you
did three nights
what did you sell when lots of people
bought the council offices
I went door-to-door and offered to
service the older gas devices so we
would come in and put on the 25 pounds
the wood service every device and that
vote would cover you for the year so
your initial Carlile charge would be
covered under that 25 pound I didn't
know you were could have asked me about
that inferno we're in this ridiculous
sure naked women on it I look
like a flying helicopter named barb is a
woman by the bundle with a legs akimbo
that's what we'd be discussing that's
going door to door let's move on that
was a bit quiet
what I'm saying and I'll stand by my
point
[Applause]
oh men do it no indeed no you're
there I'll grill the Wardrobe so they
just put a t-shirt on the women are all
over me I never felt embarrassed by what
was wearing you're gonna be doing a
scene from diamonds are forever Sean
you'll be playing James Bond of course
and Steven you'll be playing the Bond
girl there are some scripts and some
props for you let's prove it to you with
the scene from diamonds are forever take
it away hi I'm 20 but of course you are
plenty o toole perhaps would you like
some help on the craps I mean that's
very kind of you and the full odds on
the 10 and 200 on the hard way say
you've played this game before
well accent am i doing you played this
game but I went to Rada say you played
this game
just once you handle those cubes like a
monkey handles coconuts you know
something you're a terrific guy a little
weird but a terrific guy say why don't
we go someplace and have a drink a drink
[Music]
you took off that wig like it was me all
along okay before we go on he doesn't
work here anymore but he's agreed to
inject some glamour into proceedings
please welcome Joe wilkinson
[Applause]
Oh Joe what's what's going on my all
right show me better better boy ed week
I see what Apple was found a magic
lantern gave it a rub genie popped out
turned out to be a nice fella so we got
chatting and I explained it you'd fired
me because you're an anus so he offered
me a job so I'm a part-time Genie now hi
I just did cheesy and Thursday
afternoons
it's cashing heiress I thought why not
what's it like being a genie just
boring just sit in a lantern all
day just waiting luckily they've got sky
[Applause]
otherwise I'll go batshit seducer you're
at eight we came out your belly
sorry about that Jerry can I ask why
Fabio it looks like that he's got a head
of a lizard because that's what you wish
for
here's a idiot
as a card from Joe Wilkinson I'm pretty
sure it's from Joe dear Jimmy I have a
new job now so you can stick countdown
up your arse NASA have sent me to a new
planet as part of an intergalactic
exchange program and in return they have
sent an alien in my place so he's going
to be on the show instead of me if you
have a problem with that
tough Joe Washington right so I
guess please welcome the alien we've
swapped for Joe Wilkinson alright so
you're an alien from another planet are
you probably just you look a lot like
Joe yeah I've heard about that
yeah oh we look pretty similar and main
differences on our planet we wear Berets
[Applause]
sorry do you you have countdown on your
planet yes not as shite as this though
oh god oh god oh yeah oh yeah right
there