- Look, you might think that breakups are painful,
but nothing, and I mean nothing, is as painful
as staying in a relationship that makes you unhappy.
So in this video, I'm gonna talk about a three step process
for figurin' out what to do it you're currently
in unhappy relationship, keep watching.
(light music)
Now, I've been in plenty of unhappy relationships
in my own life and I would say the one common thread
that I could see across all these relationships
is that I was so blinded by what I wanted
the relationship to be, rather than what it really is.
And if you've ever been blinded by love, leave a comment
right there below and say, I've been blinded too.
But the reality is, if you're watchin' this video,
then chances are you're in an unhappy relationship right now
or you've certainly been in one
in the past and you want to avoid it.
So here are three steps that you can take
if you are feeling unhappy in a relationship.
Step number one is first determine if the relationship
is unhappy or if you are just unhappy with your life.
Stress from other areas of your life
can so easily permeate into a relationship.
I remember around three years ago,
I started a business partnership for a different venture
outside of Sexy Confidence, and I have a business partner.
And at first, this business partnership
was going really well, but within about
three or four months, I found that a lot of sketchy (bleep)
was going on, there were secret bank accounts,
and ultimately I found out that
this guy was trying to rip me off.
And it was truly one of the toughest things
I've gone through in business.
And the crazy thing was that I was really unhappy
and Jessica and I were fighting a lot during this period.
And weirdly, we weren't fighting about anything important
or anything serious, and at times I was really thinking,
what is wrong with our relationship?
What is going on here?
And it wasn't until after this business partnership was over
that I looked back and thought,
I was just really stressed out.
I was in a bad time in my life
and I was really taking it out on her,
rather than taking it out on the right place,
which is the business partnership.
And I learned a lot about that period,
that sometimes when you're going through
a tough time in life, it's easy to take it out
on your partner because that person
is right in front of you and they're right there.
And more importantly, if you are going through a tough time,
really take a look in the mirror and see if you can improve
your own life rather than blaming the relationship.
Step two is to really just simply ask yourself the question,
do you have an unrealistic expectation
of what a relationship really is?
Some people who have never really been in a
very serious relationship think that all relationships
are just peachy, there's not fighting, there's no arguments,
you're always going to be just like head over heels
for that person every single moment of the day.
But for those of us who have been in serious relationships
or married for many years, you realize that there are
just ups and downs sometimes.
And I can this, I don't know a single relationship
in all of human history that is actually perfect.
I know a lot of people will post
about their perfect relationships
or talk about their perfect relationships,
but when you actually look under the hood
at what is actually going on, most relationships,
the vast majority are actually very imperfect
and can be messy at times, and that's because relationships
are just messy, people are messy.
We all have our different things going on
and conflict does happen in relationships.
But what's most important is not necessarily looking
at the conflict, it's how you resolve the conflict
and how you communicate your way through it.
And if you're finding that you're constantly unhappy
in every single relationship you're in,
maybe you need to take a hard look at the expectations
that you're bringing to the table
and whether or not they're realistic.
And if you want some help for figuring that out,
I'd love for you to check out the Sexy Confidence Club.
You can ask me personally in the forum
whether or not I agree with your assessment.
You can click on the link in the description to join.
You can try it out and ask me the question there.
And finally, the third step is if you've determined already
that the relationship is what's making you unhappy
and you've realized that you have healthy expectations
going into the relationship, and this relationship
is actually making you unhappy, then you need
to cut the cord immediately, get out of the relationship.
I see it time and time again, people constantly investing
their and energy into a relationship
because they've already invested
so much time into the relationship already.
This is what's known as investing into a sunk cost.
A sunk cost is basically when you keep doing something
because you've already invested a ton of time
and energy and money into that thing.
Investing in sunk costs is not
a way to be successful in life.
Have you ever started a really terrible movie
and finished it just because you started it?
For example, Gigli, blech.
Horrible movie, don't even start it.
Or even worse, have you ever kept reading a book
and when you're reading it, you're literally checking
your phone like three times because the book is so boring
and you absolutely hate it,
but you keep pushing through it because you bought it?
These are example of sunk cost, and just because
you've invested time and energy into something,
doesn't mean you should continue doing that.
And the same thing goes for the relationship.
Just because you spent two, four,
five, 10 years into a relationship,
if it is making you unhappy as a person,
it is not allowing you to thrive in a healthy way,
then you do need to leave that relationship.
And I know this can be really hard,
especially if you put a lot into the relationship.
Maybe even your marriage, or maybe you live together
right now, or maybe you have a dog together.
All these things that are holding you together,
if you're finding the relationship is just not
making you happy, you need to look forward three, five,
10 years and think, is this what I still want for myself?
And if you are in that unhappy relationship,
I want you to have the strength
to get out of that relationship,
because your future self will absolutely thank you.
And if you need support from the Sexy Confidence community,
like I said, I would check out the Sexy Confidence Club.
You can click the link in the description or anywhere else.
You can try for 14 days, 100% for free.
I'll be there, I'd love to support you
through this time in your life.
Or if you just need support under this video,
just leave a comment right there below saying,
I'm ready to leave, and I have the power to leave.
Thank you so much for watching.
I'll speak to you next week, buh bye.