Hi there this is Clay Andrews, I am the world's leading breakup expert for high achievers.
And in this video we're going to be talking about when is it bad to ignore your ex, when
should you not apply the no contact rule.
Okay, so the first thing I want to talk about and get clear about here is that there is
a very stark difference between, you know, ignoring your ex as a, you know, some of the
people out there that you may have encountered before may have advised you, you know, based
off of like weird scarcity beliefs and stuff like that.
The, maybe that's a topic for another video, but there's a very big difference between
just kind of ignoring your ex and doing ANC.
okay.
We advocate that you do and see the active no contact rule.
Maybe you have heard about the no contact rule elsewhere on the internet, maybe other
videos or websites or something.
But really you don't want to really just applied the kind of no contact rule that you probably
heard about where it's like, just ignore ex for 30 days and magically things will be better.
They'll miss you and you can get back together, right?
That's probably what you heard, but we advise you to do the active no contact rule, which
is not simply about ignoring your ex, n order to elicit a response from them because that's
a little bit Kinda mind gaming and not really going to really inspire them to want to get
back together with you because you have to actually do the, the processes that we talk
about inside the act of no contact rule that are going to give them a very compelling reason
to want to get back together with you.
And that is through cultivating the advanced relational skills.
Okay.
So, you know, I wouldn't like ignore your ex if you were just thinking that like, oh,
I'm just gonna ignore them and do the no contact rule.
And somehow magic is gonna happen and we're gonna get back together.
Right? so don't think that that is how it's gonna work.
I'd recommend you do the active no contact rule, focus on the advanced relational skills
that we talk about, in a billion other places so that I'm not gonna go into them too much
here beyond that, you know, don't think of, you know, really kind of don't do the whole
mind game thing again.
I've kind of alluded to that, but, you know, you really don't want to be kind of viewing
this like ignoring your ex thing as like a mind game that you're going to use to get
back together with them.
Because it really comes from a really bad place that's really not going to set yourself
up for success in the long run.
You know, please go ahead and check out the other video on, you know, mind games and stuff
like that.
So don't do that.
You know, think of it as giving both of you time and space to really kind of decompress
a little bit so that you can come back together and have a more civil interaction with one
another.
And, you know, again, use that time to really develop the advanced relational skills so
that, the two of you can have a better connection with one another and a better, stronger connection.
So they'll actually want to get back together with you.
Beyond that though, most people probably should be using the active no contact rule.
Again, even if you've done some weird version of no contact that you read about somewhere
else, I'd still probably recommend that you do active no context simply because you are
giving yourself the space and time to work on the advanced relational skills.
If for some reason you can't like really cut contact with your ex because maybe you work
with them, maybe you have kids together or whatever, then that's fine.
You don't have to use like no contact were you just like solidly cut contact.
You can do what we call, you know, active, limited contact where you are still kind of
in contact with your ex, to the degree that you need to in order for your job or whatever,
in order to, you know, keep on good terms with a coworker or what have you, but use
that time to really work on the advanced relational skills and really a focus on those.
Okay?
Just know that it's going to be a little bit harder when you still are in contact with
your ex.
If you are going to do the limited contact route, you're going to be kind of playing
on hard mode.
Okay?
So if you're up for the challenge, that's fine, but if at all possible, I'd really like
to see you playing this sort of game on, on the easiest mode possible.
I'd rather you get your ex back the easy way, then the really super hard way and possibly,
you know, make some kind of mistake along the way.
But again, really focus on the advanced relational skills.
Really focus on building the quality connection between you and them so that you can get back
together, by really inspiring them to want to get back together with you, by inspiring
them to want to be together with you again rather than just kind of ignoring them, you
know, because that's not really gonna give someone a really great reason to be in a relationship
with you.
Like, Oh yeah, she ignored me, so I might as well be in a relationship with it.
That's kind of silly when you really think about it.
So, give your ex, like a really good reason to want to get back together with you.
And that is by focusing on the connection between you and them.
Okay.
So really work on the advanced relational skills to the degree possible.
Really use active no contact to work on that because it's going to make it a little bit
easier for you in the long run if you really need to do active limited contact.
But other than that, you know, do and to the degree possible that you can.
Okay. if you'd like to learn more about how to get back together with your ex, then please
head on over to relationshipinnergame.com.
You can go ahead and click on the link down in the description or just type it into your
browser and, you know, just sign up for our newsletter.
We will give you help and advice on how to get back together with your ex so that you
can, you know, really get back together with them by, by focusing on the quality of the
connection, by working on the advanced relational skills and all the stuff.
We've just only had time to kind of skim over the surface here in this video, but we'll
go into that in a lot more detail in the newsletter.
So I'll see you over there.