From cologne that smells like childhood to animal brown eye patches we look at 10 of
the weirdest products that shouldn’t exist.
10.
Nose stylus • This sleek invention allows the user to
use their nose like never before: as a flipping stylus.
• Don’t want to put your coffee down to read the latest Donald Trump tweet?
Not a problem, utilise your schnoz!
Though you’ll have to put down your coffee to strap it on.
The Pinocchio-style stylus was invented by a guy that desperately wanted to use his phone
in the bath.
• If you’re dying to be a Mr Squiggle try hard, or just to freak out some people
on public transport, this is the product for you.
But if you ask me, this thing is a useful as Donald Trump’s hair stylist.
9.
Fart Filtering Underwear • Can’t help but let one rip?
No matter!
Silent but deadly?
Not anymore.
Meet the underwear that’ll neutralise your stink before it kills the populace.
• These bad boys come with a carbon lining that traps the odour and instantly neutralising
it, making your heinous anus inoffensive to the sinus.
It’s the same carbon lining used in chemical warfare suits.
• One of the problems with this product is that it implies farts are something we
should be trying to eliminate rather than embrace.
What about the age old art of dutch ovening?!
And cupcaking?!
This form of chemical warfare would be no more!
8.
Butt Cover up • Apparently anuses are such eye sores they’ve
invented a cardboard cover up.
These nifty items allow you to hide your dog’s shame.
• “Rear gear” advertise that with their product there’s no more “Mr Brown eye.”
If you can’t see something, it’s totally not there…There are any number of designs
to hide your pet’s anus in style.
I am left wondering whether the dog has the sense to remove the cover before doing their
business.
Surely the product is made redundant once it’s smeared with doggie doo-doo.
• Geez, next step we’ll breed dogs specifically to not even have anuses.
Talk about unnecessary.
7.
Eau De Playdoh Cologne • Want the scent of Playdoh without having
to deal with the messy residue?
• This cologne allows you to regress in style with the much sought after scent Playdoh.
That’s right, that salty chemical smell of a preschool is now in bottled form.
(Without the added aroma of peanut butter and urine).
I guess it’s perfect if you’re looking to attract four year olds.
• This brand of cologne also have a pizza scent, which makes much more sense because
pizza.
But this one has me puzzled.
6.
Barefoot Shoes • Sick of society’s rigid demands about
wearing footwear?
• This product makes it look as though you’re wearing sneakers while allowing you to stick
it to the man by secretly going barefoot.
Or you can hide your unsightly calloused feet while going barefoot, even though being bare
probably won’t be helping your hardened tootsies.
• This product’s covert mission seems a bit redundant to me.
I mean, their target demographic wouldn’t be interested.
Hippies don’t buy shoes.
5.
Tampon speaker • This ingenious invention allows you to
play your baby music while they’re still in the womb!
• The Babypod is inserted like a tampon and the mum gets to play whatever crappy music
her heart desires, even when the fetus is just trying to sleep or gestate.
• I guess with this invention you could play some Placebo to try to get their teen
angst started early.
Then maybe they won’t hate you so much when they do hit those pubescent years.
Just kidding, they’re still gonna hate you, you just have to roll with it.
4.
Sauna pants • No, these aren’t the hot pants you’re
looking for.
They unfortunately aren’t the sexy type.
They’re an odd contraption that heat your body in order to make you sweat.
• They aid the wearer by shedding that unsightly water weight so that they may harness the
slimming power of dehydration.
• Come on guys.
This contraption is made redundant the minute you have a glass of water, which I’m betting
is pretty damn quickly.
They’d be better for someone with a desire to stick their junk in an oven.
3.
USB Pet rock • This product came out in the 70s and it
should’ve stayed there.
It began as an experiment by an advertising executive, about whether he could market a
simple idea and turn himself into a millionaire.
And he succeeded.
Well done jack ass!
• In an attempt to revive the fad ThinkGeek added a USB port to magnify the absurdity
of having a pet rock.
Not only does it collect dust, now your rock can also be plugged in!
It doesn’t even draw power.
• The justification is this: “It’s a conversation piece!
You can tell funny stories about what your rock does when people wonder why the fuck
you have a USB powered fricken rock.”
Thanks guys, maybe my pet rock can be my friend after nobody in the office wants to talk to
the weird guy who claims his pet rock helps him peel potatoes.
2.
Tomotan • Meet Tomatan!
This little guy will ride on your shoulders and feed you tomatoes while you run!
• A Japanese company invented this wearable tomato dispenser for a marathon runner as
a shameless PR stunt attempting to promote tomatoes over bananas.
• Weighing in at 8 kilograms, Tomatan carries 6 tomatoes.
Just don’t try to put any other kind of fruit in their place because you might just
cause reality to implode. 1.
Crafting with Cat hair!
• Being a crazy cat lady has never been so creepy.
• Why waste the perfectly good cat hair your pet has so carelessly shed?
When you can use it to create creepy craft items that nobody will want!
You’ll be the aunt nobody wants to visit when you give them your cat hair finger puppets
for Christmas.
• You’ll learn the hard way that when your 15 year old nephew says he’s desperate
for pussy, he certainly doesn’t mean a kitty tote bag made out of cat fur.