- [Amanda] Hey, Psych2Goers,
and welcome back to another video.
Your love and support has enabled us to send your way
another wealth of everyday psychology,
and we're really grateful for that.
So, let's explore.
Have you ever felt invalidated by the people around you?
Did you know that there are subtle phrases
that seem innocent enough but can actually be damaging
to yourself and those around you?
This is also known as psychological invalidation.
"What exactly is psychological invalidation?" you may ask.
Well, psychological invalidation
is when you invalidate someone psychologically,
whether intentional or not.
You essentially minimize another person's thoughts
and perceptions about an experience,
telling them that they shouldn't feel a certain way
or that their judgment is wrong.
It's surprisingly common to the point that you do this
without even realizing it,
or the person experiencing this invalidation,
they may be unable to trust
their own judgment and situations,
feel wrong for feeling a certain way
and blame themselves for their actions.
Before we begin,
please note that context is important in any scenario,
and that these things are not a one-size-fits-all situation.
With that said, to better explore what this is
and how to remedy it,
here are nine sayings you should avoid.
Number one, "It could be worse."
When you tell someone
that their situation could be worse,
it automatically minimizes what they're going through.
It shows that other people are in way worse situations,
so they shouldn't feel bad about the situation they're in.
This often doesn't help someone feel better,
as it does nothing to help their current situation.
Instead, letting a person know that their feelings are valid
and offering your comfort in times of need
is a much better option.
Number two, "It wasn't that bad."
Did you ever try to placate someone by using this phrase?
This directly implies that your feelings don't matter,
and that your perception is incorrect.
When the circumstances are specially serious,
it can be dangerous.
Minimizing a person's experience
and telling them that they're wrong
can make someone feel insecure and crazy.
They don't know if they can trust their own judgment.
Instead of being told their experience wasn't that bad,
talking to them about what it was and offering assistance
can be helpful for them.
Number three, "Just let it go."
Does this statement bring Olaf to mind?
While "Frozen" has an entire song about it,
this saying can be negative to say to someone.
It doesn't provide any consolation for the issue at hand
and works to further criticize someone's judgment.
It essentially is telling someone
that their judgment about their situation is wrong,
and that they shouldn't focus on it anymore.
When applied to dire situations,
this saying can be especially hurtful.
Saying "Let it go"
doesn't provide comfort to the person that needs support.
Instead,
finding ways to let them know their thoughts are valid
and providing them with empathy can help lessen the impact.
Number four, "You probably just didn't understand."
Have you ever been left confused by a situation?
When this happens to others,
do you blame their understanding for it?
Telling someone that they misunderstood a situation,
especially if you weren't there when it happened,
can be insulting.
This saying minimizes the other person's intelligence,
and critiques their judgment.
It's better to ask questions about the situation
and work out a solution from there.
Making assumptions about the situation
can be hurtful to another
and make them feel that they're incapable
of assessing a situation properly on their own.
Number five, "Stop thinking about it."
Easier said than done, right?
Telling someone this
fails to acknowledge the problem at hand.
If only it were that easy to stop thinking about something.
It doesn't offer any comfort or support
to what they're dealing with, which isn't helpful.
Instead,
asking them why they're caught up in a certain thought,
or what they need to feel better,
can help ease their distress.
Number six, "We're not talking about this."
When you tell someone this,
especially if they come to you about a specific problem,
it doesn't offer any discussion about a solution.
While it's difficult to address issues
in a constructive manner,
you don't necessarily have to agree
with everyone's viewpoint.
You should at least let them be able to make their points,
and be able to calmly address them.
Number seven, "I told you so."
While it very well may be tempting to say this,
it often fails to provide a supportive environment
to someone who needs it.
People make mistakes and have their own failures.
It's important to be there for them in this time of need,
instead of reminding them that they're wrong.
Discussing instead what it was that happened
in a calm, constructive environment is best.
Number eight, "You are too sensitive."
How many times have you used this statement
to get someone to stop overanalyzing a situation?
Again, it's like telling someone their judgment is wrong.
It avoids responsibility
and puts the blame on them for handling a situation.
Everyone interprets and copes with situations differently,
so, it's important to recognize this,
and work with them and their feelings.
Talking with someone through their emotions
and why they feel such a way
will be beneficial for their wellbeing.
Finding ways to empathize with them in their situation
will help them feel valid in their thoughts.
And number nine, "I know what you're going through."
Do you use this to appear more understanding?
Is that your only option when all else fails?
While this may seem like something you should say
to someone who's struggling,
it can actually be harmful.
Telling someone you know how they feel
based on a personal experience
takes away from their perspective.
How do you know what they're feeling,
especially if the situation isn't the same?
It makes you seem as if you're just making it up.
People internalize situations differently
from one to another.
It's important, instead, to ask about how they are feeling.
Asking what they're going through and how you can help them
is the way to go.
These sayings are surprisingly common.
Perhaps you've noticed yourself
saying at least one of these before unintentionally.
What's important is to respond with empathy and compassion
when someone is in need.
Validating someone's thoughts and feelings
can be just as easy as the opposite,
and often takes putting yourself in another's shoes.
We hope we were able to give you insight
into some of the phrases that can do more harm than good.
What are your thoughts about invalidation?
What are some other sayings we should avoid?
Are there other ways to help people feel more comfortable?
Let us know in the comments.
If you found this video helpful,
be sure to hit the like and subscribe button,
and share it with someone who might be wreaking havoc
using these phrases.
As always, thanks for watching, and we'll see you soon.