Some news stories help us understand the world we live in,
and some news stories are just stupid.
For those, we turn to Ronny Chieng.
♪ ♪
(cheers and applause)
Trevor, you probably don't know this,
but today is Earth Day.
So to celebrate, I got you some Earth.
-Whoa! Whoa! -Ah!
-You're welcome, Trevor. -Ronny, what the hell?
As we celebrate Earth, we're also trying
to figure out how to save it.
Take me for instance.
To help cool the planet, before I left my apartment today,
I turned the air conditioning on.
Wha...?
No, no. Isn't that contributing to global warming?
No, stupid, I left the window open, of course.
But, unfortunately for the earth,
not everyone's solutions are as practical as mine.
How can humankind tackle global warming?
There are some scientists proposing
a technique that's similar
to the earth wearing UV protection sunglasses,
apparently, to block out the sun's harmful rays.
Basically, what the proposal wants to do, is it wants
to send airplanes into the stratosphere,
effectively spraying it with aerosols into the atmosphere,
almost kind of like working like you're adding extra clouds.
When you do that, you, essentially,
are trying to block more of that sunlight.
So your solution to save the planet
is to spray more shit into the atmosphere.
Let me ask you, what's the point of saving Earth
if the whole thing looks like New Jersey?
-And, also... -(cheers and applause)
Also, there's no way that will work.
It's like trying to get a coffee stain out of your shirt
by using blood, okay?
Don't believe every life hack you read on the Internet.
We don't need to dim the sun.
We already have two dim sons,
they're called Eric and Don, Jr.
Hello! High five, Trevor!
Come on! Come on!
I'm not-- I'm not gonna high five you.
I'm not gonna high five you.
Oh, sorry, didn't know you were a Trump guy.
-Anyway, there's a whole ocean -(audience reacts)
of bad ideas out there.
In fact, one of those bad ideas is an ocean.
TV REPORTER: A Silicon Valley firm
wants to stop climate change by flooding the desert.
Y Combinator unveiled some radical ideas
as one of our moon shot scenarios presented
to get innovators thinking about climate change remedies.
The company says by using 238 trillion gallons
of ocean water, it could create millions of algae reservoirs
that could combat carbon dioxide.
Y Combinator expects the project
to cost about $50 trillion.
You're gonna move the ocean into the desert?
That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard,
unless they do it while Burning Man is happening,
in which case go for it.
Please take a bath, you dirty hippies.
First of all, you can't move an ocean, okay?
Have you guys ever tried to move a one-bedroom apartment?
You can't buy three boxes of Papa John's
and ask your friends to move the Atlantic, okay?
But at least these guys are trying
to find a solution to save the earth, okay?
Other people are just waving a white flag.
TV REPORTER: Right now, world leaders are exploring
a concept for a floating city
to guard against flood tsunamis
and Category 5 hurricanes.
The floating city is made up of six hexagonal islands
that will be built with sustainable materials.
Each island would hold about 300 people,
with an entire city being comprised of 10,000 people.
Leaders see the project as a viable solution
against rising sea levels,
climate change and housing shortages.
They will also be built so that they can be towed
to a safer location if needed.
Wow, living on floating cities.
Clearly, we've given up, okay?
We couldn't cut back on plastic straws so we have to go
on a Carnival Cruise that never ends?
That's a nightmare for everyone, except elderly couples trying
to have sex with strangers, of course.
I can't believe we're abandoning land so fast.
We're mammals; we're supposed to live on land.
No mammals live in the ocean.
Well, dolphins and whales?
Yeah, two great examples of fishes, thank you.
Okay. You know what, Ronny?
Like, at least these people are trying.
All right, if you're so smart,
what's your plan to save the earth?
Okay, Trevor, I'm glad you asked.
I have a two-step plan here, all right?
Step one, everyone gives me one million dollars
Okay. And then what's step two?
Step two is I proceed to have a good life
while the rest of you drift away on your floating cities.
Happy Earth Day, everyone!
High five me, Trump boy! Let's go.
-Ronny Chieng, everyone! -Come on.