This is Earth radio. And now here's human music.
Human music. I like it.
Come on. Are you kidding me? Hello?
Morty.
Hello?
Hey, Jerry. It's Rick.
Rick! Hey.
What's— What's up?
So, listen. The heat's on and there's nowhere left to turn.
So, Morty and I are just going to fly my
spaceship into a black hole.
What?
Is that cool with you, dog?
Rick, no! Morty!
Oh. Hey, Dad.
What are you doing back from Pluto so quick?
Morty, I'm not as smart as your grandpa Rick.
But, I promise never to make that your problem again.
What are you guys talking about?
Apparently nothing.
You asked him if Pluto's a planet, didn't you?
No.
It's not.
Shut up.
Screw it. We don't have time. Come on.
No.
Gentlemen, a moment of your time.
See that? I'm peeing all over your special guns.
That means I own them.
Bad person. Bad.
Oh. Great plan, Jerry.
Jerry, turn around. Straighten your back.
Bend your knees. Bend them! Square your shoulders.
Now, take a deep breath.
Not so fast.
Mr. Smith?
What are you doing? Are you insane?
I'm a good person.
And I demand that you cut off my penis
and put it in that man's chest.
That's not how it works.
Well, you're going to make it work.
Hey, Morty. There's our Jerry.
I missed you. Hey, Rick.
Glad you're safe, Jerry.
What do you say we go home? I'd like that.
I'd like that.
Oh, real nice. Real nice.
How does a man do this without me noticing?
Oh. You know, my dad, once he puts his mind to something ...
You're spinning this to his credit?
All right. Now you listen to me.
Or don't.
Hey, don't! Please!
Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.
Hey.
Well, I looked at the guest book.
We don't know a damn person here.
Hi, Jerry Smith.
Father of the bride's friend.
Advertising's my usual game, but I'm between— Jerry.
Jerry, stop networking.
Oh, uh, Mr. Smith?
Uh, yeah. Just masturbating.
I forgot to mention there are extensive
medical records open on my desktop,
and I trust you to confine your activities
to the purely pornographic.
Absolutely.
Good luck.
My God.
Duck, duck, birdie?
Very funny.
Here comes another funny.
Oh, God.
Whoa! What the hell?
Look out for that homeless guy!
Open the door. Open the door. Open the door.
There isn't time. Just run!
Not on my watch.
That's it. Beth, it's me. Your husband.
I'm here to save you.
Or my name isn't Jerry Smith!
Ah-ha.
Yes.
Jerry Smith!
Jerry Smith.
Ah-ha.
Okay, fair enough.
Jerry. Jerry. Come on. We got to go.
You got to come with me, Jerry.
Rick? It's important, Jerry.
The fate of the galaxy rests on your shoulders.
Let's go. Put some pants on.
Never mind. There's no time for pants, Jerry.
I'll make you a pair of pants on the way.
It's a Rick and Jerry adventure.
Jerry! What the hell is happening?
The galactic government collapsed.
Are you okay?
Look, I'm not proud to share this,
but the truth is I just kept crawling and it kept working.
Oh, glad you're okay.
Are we ever going to stop paying for indulging your father?
Our children? Our planet?
Our jobs? Is there anything left to lose?
Just each other.
And I'll never let you go.
And I'm so sorry I ever did this to us.
Oh, s***.
Rick, up here.
There's a spot where you can kill him.
Good call, Jerry.
How'd you know about that?
Dad! Dad!
Dump her!
Okay. Okay. Chiara, let's just run away.
Dad!
Come on!
Just rip the Band-Aid off.
Okay. Chiara, when I told you my kids were bigoted, racists
who were demanding I break up with you, I lied.
If anybody deserves to be telekinetically
strangled, it's me.
I'm the one who wants to break up.
I guess we better get on the same page about
our fake adventure.
Right.
I'll make you a deal.
I'll leave out the part where you tried to murder me.
And I'll leave out the part where you admitted
to sabotaging our marriage.
You want to—
If the family sees me like this, they'll feel sorry for me.
Which is no longer my signature move.
Later days, amigo.
What?
Hello?
There's a space port 20 miles south.
We'll be able to board a galaxy class cruise ship
and jump through a wormhole
that'll put us within spitting distance of the Milky Way.
But hey, it's about the journey,
not the destination. Right, Jerry?
What up, homies?
Shooting hoops, I see?
Hey, who's interested in a friendly bet that
this white guy can jump?
Hey, leave the racial stuff off the court, okay?
Oh.
Just watch.
Huh. Oh!
No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.
He was in my home where I keep photos of my parents.
Jerry, I have a device. It can make us forget.
No.
I don't think we should forget. Not this.
Someone has to remember.
Someone will.
Okay. So, we fight our way to the gas line.
We cut it and then we set a fire.
Okay. All right.
Morty. Adventures of Jerry and Morty, huh?
Put her there.
Dad, look, you know, we don't need a high five.
It's kind of your fault that we're in this situation at all.
I know, but, you know, come on? Adventures of Jerry and Morty.
Okay.
I did it! We're landing!
I knew I could do it.
Oh, God. It hurts!
Oh, what was that?
Healed your leg 50%.
The rest is on you, big man.
That's what I'm talking about. Respect, my brother.
Jeez, your dad sucks.
Jerry, can you watch the kids tonight?
Someone played Barry White over the racetrack speakers,
and now there's a seven horse pregnancy.
Oh. Um ...
No, he can't watch the kids. It's guys' night.
How did you two start having guys night?
So, now you're complaining that I like your stupid husband?
No, I want you to like my stupid husband.
Aw.
Well then, accept that Friday nights are all
about Rick and Jerry.
We're buds.
Uh-huh. Well, I don't nearly have the time to unpack this.
Jerry. Exquisite finery this evening.
Well, don't tell Ross, but I got this little ditty from Kohl's.
I love that I don't get it.
Tell us, what delights have you in store for us?
Oh, you'll love this. I call it Jerry-aoke.
I'll let you guess why.
Dad!
Jerry.
Dad! F*****.
I'm sorry. I didn't ask for this.
I just want to live.
But there's only so much varnish. I'm sorry.
Dad. Dad!
I'm sorry.
Why am I still alive?
Oh, God. Is there anything left? Hello?
What is it?
A relic from a kinder past.
Bitch, your job is to have intercourse with
strangers and give me the money.
Sorry, I called you a bitch.
It's a vocational term. It's not how I feel about you personally.
What? What? What? No! No! No! No!
Somebody call for a pickup? Let's go take out the trash.