- Maybe you just started dating or maybe you've been
dating for some time now and maybe you're at a point
where you're thinking of even getting married, marriage.
How do you know he or she is the one for you?
(bouncy music)
- So how do you know I was the one for you?
- On day one.
Day one, I know.
- Day one?
How do you know?
- That's the right answer always, day one, I know.
Of course I don't know, how would I know?
(laughing)
Damn, I wouldn't know.
- I was getting touched a little.
- You were?
- It was a lie?
- No, no.
How did you know I was the one for you?
- Well...
- Day one?
- No, honestly, even though I still don't know,
even though right now.
- Oh.
- 'Cause I think nothing is forever
but at least at this moment, at this day,
he's still the one I love and I think
I'm the one he loves as well, so, yeah.
- I think first of all, going back to when we were dating,
I never thought of at first, we were just dating,
I never even thought about, 'cause at the time,
I even told you, I didn't wanna get married,
I didn't think about marriage, I was focusing on my work,
and my career so I wasn't thinking about it
and it's only I think after what, few years,
no okay, actually before that,
we had a big fight, like a huge fight.
- First year, first year.
- Yeah, a huge fight and even further a few years later
we were about to separate which I though...
- Yeah.
- It wasn't a good fit, I thought she's not the one,
she's not the one for me.
- I think the problem was we were attracted by each
others, maybe looks, you know that's very typical,
how you fall in love, right?
- Yep.
- But then after we just getting together more and more
realized actually our personalities not that match.
- Not that match.
- Or you actually, wasn't that sure
you want your girl to be like that.
- Okay.
- Yeah 'cause you know what you want, right?
- I have to say, at the time she was younger, less mature.
- Yeah, yeah.
- So very, was it the kind of the
princess syndrome a little bit?
- A little bit.
- Yeah, like high maintenance.
Like a little bit high maintenance and last thing I wanted
a spouse that's high maintenance 'cause I've got
so many things going on, I got too many problems to solve.
I want someone to solve problems for me in my life,
not create problems and drama and trouble for me, right.
So that kind of didn't work.
- Yes.
- Alright so and then after that, we had a big fight,
we were gonna separate, we actually at the time we were
living together and Jennie already
moved everything over like...
- Moved out.
- Moved out already, we separated.
We would share that like what, how did we get back together?
- I think in the first, I gotta say, I don't know
about you right now but then when I was younger,
I saw that was how you know the other half loves you,
like maybe he has to pick you up all the time,
has to together, like be together with you all the time,
has to maybe doing things around your schedule,
not his schedule.
I saw that was how you know you're
important to the other guy.
- How I'm demonstrating that I love you, right?
- I thought that you know, oh, you just gotta pick me up...
- You gotta do things for me.
- Yeah, you gotta do a lot of things for me and I'm just
like a princess, I'm just high up there,
you do all the things.
That's what I though but then afterwards we talked
about it and he said, actually you know what,
I need the other half, you were really be serious together,
I need the other half to support me, which means
help me solving a lot of day to day small problems
then I don't need to worry about it and then I just clicked,
I said oh, okay, I didn't know 'cause I didn't know, right?
- Part of also my problem, I never communicated that
'cause I love her, I just okay, you know what I'll do
things for you, I'll pick you up,
I'll pick you up from work, I'll drive you to work,
which I hated it.
I absolutely hated it but I did it multiple times
a day for like many, many, many, many months
and finally I just couldn't do it anymore
so I kind of like exploded and said, no, that doesn't work
and now but then she's like okay, now I know that's
kind of what you're looking for
and we had a very serious talk.
- Yes.
- And kind of like let's give it one more try.
That's basically what happened.
She said, let's give it one more try, if it doesn't work,
we're gonna separate anyway.
- Now we start just being friends.
- Yeah let's just be friends, let's just start
kind of from scratch, reboot and see how
that works and then that's when she started take
an interest of what I do and helping me out
and also traveling and more and more and more
evolved in the business side.
- Like doing like work like assistant.
- Yeah, a little bit of work.
- Like sometimes I have to help him like
it's time to eat or 'cause he forgets,
right, he's so busy.
- Yeah.
- And then help to make sure like he get enough fruit
or water, sometimes he even forget to drink water.
All those kinds of little things, I have to worry for him
so I think that's why when we just start,
relationship gets to smoother and smoother and up to a point
we really know each other's what do they want.
- Very well.
- Yeah.
- And I think two things.
Number one, in some way, people say how do I find the one?
I think in this case, I think, see if you agree,
I kind of helped make her the one, right?
In some way, I make her to be the ideal partner for me
and she, of course, Jennie made a lot of sacrifice, right,
about like really evolving everything around my world,
I get it, that's just the world we live in,
that's the situation but she is willing like to sacrifice
and have also a mindset shift where my success,
the husband's success is her success, right?
So, I think, instead of trying to find the one,
sometimes in some cases, you gotta make
him or her to become the one.
Not to change them.
I'm not talking about changing them
but kind of coaching them.
Would you say that's the word?
- Yeah, probably coaching them.
- Coaching them to be the one.
- But it's for both parties, right, not only one.
- Yeah, of course.
- For him, he has to also...
- She has to coach me on how to be the husband.
- Yeah, we all sacrifice but of course, over the years
he changed a lot too, right, because of me so
I think it's for both parties.
- And I think after all that and she's more involved
and she's helping me and we are growing together
and all these things, I think it's the one day
that I wake up in the morning, one day you wake up
and say you know what, I cannot live without this person.
I cannot see my life without this person
being with me, growing old together.
When you have that thought, I think that's when you know,
he or she is the one.
I cannot bear a thought of he or she is not in my life.
I think that's when you know.
That's when you know and when you sometimes,
when I, couple times I had a dream right,
something happened to Jennie that we like separated
or something tragic happened to her, this and that,
that I would wake up and I would cry in my dream,
I would wake up shocked that's when I was so,
wake up so sad, that's when, like oh my God,
like how important that person is to me in my life.
Because sometimes you take things for granted,
you don't think about it, right.
- I didn't know that.
- You don't know that?
- You didn't tell me that.
- There you go, now you know.
Now the whole world knows.
- Oh, okay.
- Yeah, so I think that, when you know he, she is the one.
That you cannot live without that person.
- How should I say, this is from guy's point of,
actually from my point of view,
I think you should never think the other
half is the one for you.
You should always be independent.
- I agree.
- Always be ready to walk away from a relationship
but also being together of course, for happiness,
for a lot of benefit but then he is, never think
the other half is, without this guy, I cannot live.
You should never think that way because nothing
is forever in your life, even your parents.
- So you're not depending your happiness on the other party.
- Exactly, even your parents or your kids or your pets
and then your partners.
Nothing is forever so you always be prepare
and then to think, we're together because we're happy
together, it's not because we're financially tied
or not because oh, I think this is it,
it's nothing because of that.
- Or I couldn't find someone else, I kind of settled.
- No.
- Or wow, we've been together for so long now,
might as well stay together.
- Yeah.
- That kind of thing.
- Yeah, so I'm, to me, I'm always prepared if anything
happens in this relationship, I'm ready to walk away.
- And I think that's why it's very healthy
that your other parties not depending on you
for your happiness so they're not clingy,
they're not needy, it's just this
very two healthy individuals.
- Exactly.
- Mentally healthy and together as a unit.
So if something happens, someone left,
it's okay, you're still independent, you're still happy.
- Yeah.
- Right?
- I think it's very unhealthy when you say,
oh, I'm missing something, I want to find that
from the other party.
- You have a void that you have to fill that.
- Or this girl or this guy can cure me,
something missing inside.
- Complete me.
- No.
- No, I agree.
I agree.
- I think you should never do that to the other party
because if you're sick inside, the virus spreads.
You're gonna ruin the other party, you're gonna ruin
the relationship, you're gonna ruin everyone around you
so you should be standing healthy by yourself
before you start a new relationship.
- You should be healthy.
- That's just how I think.
- I agree with it, I would that so if you want to find
the one, you have to first complete yourself first.
- Yes.
- You're not trying to fill a void, you don't feel,
'cause you go into a relationship with so many mental
baggage, you know what I'm talking about,
then you have an issue, right?
So there you go, that's how you know if she is the one
for you so live a different perspective.
One from me, one for men, or for men or smart woman.
Comment below maybe let us know, how do you know
when he, she is the one for you?
Or the one that you're dating, what signs that you see that
he, she is the one for you.
And make sure you hit the subscribe button, right there,
turn on notification and follow me on Instagram at Dan Lok.
At Dan Lock.
And also do me a favor, we are making these episodes,
we never thought of making a show on relationship,
I thought we would try it.
It turns out to be, like we're getting so many
positive reviews from you and comments.
- Yeah.
- Thank you, thank you.
- Thank you very much.
- And I'm glad that just sharing with what we know,
what we experience...
- I guess I'm popular, what can I say?
- You are popular, when we go to events,
she is so popular.
(laughing)
She is so, where's Jennie?
Right?
What about me?
Right but seriously we appreciate that.
Comment below and let us know what other topics
that you want us to cover 'cause we are not
relationship experts, we're just sharing our life
with you but any comment, comment below,
any questions you have or challenges you have,
you comment below, we'll take the time,
if it's a good question, answer it in
a future episode, okay?
Make sure you check out all the other videos, our playlist,
Alpha Man, Smart Woman, right there, check those out.
Always remember, behind every successful man,
- there's a smarter woman.
- I'll see you in the next episode.