>> ARTHUR: 'Course I remember, it was last week.
>> EVAN: Our new player is coming tonight. - I know! I'm excited. Can't wait.
>> BOSS: Arthur! >> ARTHUR: Yeah? >> BOSS: Is that a personal call?
>> ARTHUR: Uh, no—it's a client emergency. >> BOSS: Attaboy.
>> ARTHUR: (muttered) Silent Strike!
>> ARTHUR: At least it's game day.
>> BRITTANY: Yeah, I'm excited to see what happens. >> EVAN: Tell Mom we're playing there tonight, okay?
>> BRITTANY: Yeah, okay!
>> SAM: Evan? >> BRITTANY: (gasp) Ugh, Sam!
>> SAM: Mom says I'm LARPing with you guys tonight.
>> EVAN: No, she didn't, Sam. Tell her that roleplaying teaches you to worship the Devil.
>> SAM: So what? She won't care!
>> BRITTANY: Sorry, kiddo. >> EVAN: See you soon, Brittany.
>> SAM: What's with the ears? >> BRITTANY: My character is an elf!
>> SAM: You look like a Vulcan whore.
>> WILL: Uh, duh, I shot Arthur, remember? Right in the dick.
>> EVAN: See you soon. >> WILL: Yeah, okay, see ya.
>> WILL: I shot a man in the dick.
>> EVAN: Showtime.
>> ARTHUR: What are you hoping for? >> BRITTANY: I dunno. You said we totally needed a paladin. >> ARTHUR: We ABSOLUTELY need a paladin.
>> WILL: 'Sup. >> ARTHUR: Evan! What'd the new player roll up?
>> EVAN: A paladin—a warrior priest.
>> BRITTANY: We really do need a paladin!
>> EVAN: By the way, Will, nice costume. The only multi-class ranger/barista in existence?
>> ARTHUR: Here, I got this for you. Put it on. >> WILL: What is this?
>> ARTHUR: It's a tunic? >> BRITTANY: Obviously?
>> WILL: Oh, yeah, yeah—a tunic. . . . >> BRITTANY: Come on, put it on!
>> EVAN: Guys, this is Shane. >> SHANE: Hey!
>> ARTHUR: Hey! We don't bite. Hard.
>> WILL: Oh my God, don't be a tool! Just tell her your name.
>> ARTHUR: Ow! (laughs) All right. (clears throat)
>> ARTHUR: I am Noctus, rogue extraordinaire. If it needs to be silent and it needs to be deadly, I'm your man.
>> ARTHUR: Stop!
>> SHANE: I'm gonna guess that your real name isn't Noctus?
>> ARTHUR: Uh, no, um, I'm Arthur. And that's Evan, of course, you know him. He's our GM.
>> ARTHUR: And my best friend. And I live with him.
>> BRITTANY: Okay. And I'm Brittany. I play an elven mage named Corillia.
>> WILL: Will.
>> ARTHUR: Yeah, that's Will. He's my brother. And he's a ranger.
>> SHANE: Okay! Um, I'm Shane. And I'll be playing Astra, a paladin.
>> EVAN: We ready to go, then? Let's get to it.
>> BRITTANY: Well met, Lady Astra. Our friend Noctus has suffered a grievous wound.
>> SHANE: If by laying hands, I can heal, I would be glad to do so.
>> WILL: Wait, w-w-wait, lay hands? You have to actually touch the wound?
>> WILL: Oh my God, Noctus, buddy, you owe me big time!
>> SHANE: Be at peace, Noctus.
>> EVAN: Astra's touch knits the wound and Little Noctus feels much better.
>> WILL: Ugh, lame.
>> EVAN: (gruff) This is the Legion! We know you have the one who stole the Eleventh Eye!
>> EVAN: (gruff) Surrender him or we'll kill everyone inside.
>> EVAN: (high-pitched) Oh! Oh, Lady Corillia, they won't wait long!
>> SHANE: Here, Jeeves. One hundred gold. Everyone out the back.
>> EVAN: This is more gold than I've ever seen in my life!
>> SHANE: Corillia, Fireball the inn.
>> ARTHUR: What? - Let the flaming inn collapse on them.
>> SHANE: Let them burn! >> BRITTANY: Oh, dear.
>> SHANE: We've built them a funeral pyre. Keep watch! Anyone trying to crawl out gets kicked back inside!
>> WILL: Jesus, aren't you a priest?
>> SHANE: That gold buys Jeeves a new inn and us a few dead soldiers.
>> EVAN: So my Legionnaire storyline— - Just went up in smoke!
>> WILL: Can we keep her?