Having an anxiety attack in public is something that nobody should ever want to have.
For me my mum is my biggest inspiration.
When she used to sing to me when I was growing up, it was the best thing in the world.
And I used to always try to mimic her but I wasn't as good as her.
But I kept at it, I kept going even though I was obnoxious singing in my room as loud as I possibly could.
And that's when I realised that this was something I wanted to do for a living.
Your mum was in the army, and she's recently retired but you moved around a lot as a kid
and I'm wondering about, what do you reckon the psychological impact is of moving around so much?
What sort of effect do you think it had on you?
I matured a lot faster than a lot of people I was around.
I feel like that's just a military thing. We have to deal with a lot of things other people don't.
Like risk of losing our parents when they are deployed, not seeing our parents for a year to two years.
I was kind of comfortable -- I wasn't necessarily comfortable but I was okay with being alone
because I'd been alone before. I mean, when you move,
you move to all these different places and meet all these new friends
have all these new friendships, it's hard but it was just a relation of all across the board just okay
What have I gone through? What have my friends gone through?
Let's create a time capsule of all these feelings.
The opening track of the album is this very warm, lush, happy, optimistic track.
Right.
About being American, about being a teenager in America.
You recorded it before the election, didn't you?
Yes.
Did you have any consideration about whether or not you still felt that way after the US election?
I'm definitely proud to be an American. But I'm not proud of where America is.
You know, I was American before the election, I'm going to be an American after the election
The President is just - he's not a good president, I feel like that's something that the world knows.
Yeah, no we've picked up on that.
We've noticed.
That's something that everyone is -
we're not going to run from it, we're not going to hide the fact that he's not capable of being a president.
But at the same time, it's the youths' job to step up and to be the young leaders
so we can change the course of how America goes.
I love the fact that was born military, it shaped me as who I am.
How did it shape you?
I feel like it shaped me because my mum was a very strong person, strong African-American woman
in the military, which is hard. It's not easy.
And she taught me a lot about myself by her being in the military
I saw her and I mean, if I didn't see my mum singing every single night in the You Serve Band and Chorus
If I didn't see my mum travelling to all these different places in Germany, Switzerland, going back to America
performing in D.C. I wouldn't want to do this.
But I saw my mum do it, and I saw that even though she wasn't signed to a record label
even though she wasn't this huge star, she was the star in my eyes and I wanted to reciprocate that.
Is there a moment where the reality of your fame has kind of kicked into gear
where you suddenly go, 'Oh! This exists in the real world as well.'
I feel like it kicked in when I realised I couldn't shop comfortably in my hometown.
When I couldn't go to the mall, I couldn't be a teenager
when I couldn't go out and eat with my family without people taking pictures of me
that's when it kinda kicked in and I realised my anxiety levels are a lot more higher now
because in my mind, I'm Khalid, the regular 19-year-old kid from wherever.
But to everybody else I'm a figure now.
You did a song for 1800-Suicide, a helpline in the United States.
Why was that important to do, why does that matter?
It was necessary, I mean me being a teenager and seeing my friends deal with mental health issues
and mental health problems, myself you know.
I felt like it was necessary for me to step up and seeing the reaction of after we performed it at the VMAs
seeing the calls spike -
Fifty percent rise, wasn't it?
Yeah, it was insane but it's great because music like that, that doesn't win nowadays.
And it did.
I mean it's number one on pop radio in America right now.
I mean, that song won, and it won for a great purpose.
There are so many people who have gotten help for the record.
It not only helped me, but it helped my friends as well.
Why do you think it had that impact, what is it intrinsic within the song that spoke to people, do you think?
That they weren't alone with whatever they were going through.
That Logic has been through it, that Alessia has been through it , I have been through it.
It's something that we all kind of go through, even though a lot of people hide it.
Shedding light to that, stepping beside ourselves, being vulnerable with telling the story
I mean, if you look up to someone so much, and then you find out that you have [something in common]
then it's like okay, they're going through mental health issues as well.
Then it's going to make them feel better.
For people watching this that perhaps don't know necessarily understand what it is like
to go through anxiety or all those sorts of issues
how do you go about describing it?
How do you go about putting it into words to people who don't have that lived experience?
Anxiety I feel like, it's definitely...
being alone in a crowded room.
How do you mean?
Like, let's say, I'm one person, I'm in the centre of the room
everybody is around me but no one is touching me.
Everyone's around me, they're all engaged with each other but I'm alone
I'm claustrophobic, I'm stuck.
And I'm trying to break out.
I feel like it's about not having complete control
over your actions even though you're conscious at the same time.
Sometimes when I get anxiety when I'm driving
I'm very aware -- I'm way too aware, I'm way too engaged with everything else
I'm way too worried about everyone else.
And it's hard, it's hard dealing with anxiety especially in public.
Having an anxiety attack in public is something that nobody should ever want to have.
You had one recently at Halloween
Yeah, and it's hard because I was alone, but I was surrounded by so many people.
I mean I got knocked into this state of loneliness because I saw that people were looking at me
but in my eyes it wasn't necessarily - it was probably friendly, but I -
That's not how it feels internally, right?
That's not how it felt. I felt like I was being chased.
So what's your coping mechanism?
When you get into that moment and that's happening, what do you do to get yourself out?
Breathe, I breathe and I just separate myself.
I just, stay quiet and don't force myself to speak because if I do I probably won't say the right thing.
So I just remind myself, 'Okay you gotta be strong.' Count, anything.
I mean I have my friends with me all day, so my friends are the ones who protect me regardless of anything.
So they help me out.
It's crazy that some people probably hopped on planes, trains, you know road tripped
to come to that show to see me for an hour and so minutes.
So I gotta show them that love back.
I feel like the healing part of me, in terms of performing is seeing my friends side of stage
singing every single word to every single song.
I think that's the healing part of it all.
Awesome, thank you so much for your time.
I appreciate it.